If your mind is too open, your brain will fall out. Warning: Names, identities, descriptions, and pictures have been changed and/or used to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. PollyPeoria should not be used or quoted as a source for your senior college thesis.

Friday, September 16

Communists, Katrina, Capitalism, and Doggie EKGs. The week in review.

Oh, Dear. What a week for Peoria. No refugees from New Orleans but (much to Bill Dennis' dismay) Commies from China instead. Now, kids, can't we all get along? Nah. It would be a lot more fun to swarm Mayor Ardis' press conference tomorrow with the representatives from Peoria's beloved communist sister city with "FREE TIBET" signs. Afterwards, we can all go down to the riverfront for Octoberfest and really teach those wannabe Germans a thing or two. Or... we could just drink beer.

I contacted a realtor and started looking at houses in Dunlap. The best arguments against such a move were that both my life and my blog would be boring if I made such a move. Pretty damn weak. I wouldn't have to give up my "PollyPeoria" tag because I would still be in the City of Peoria, just exploiting the Dunlap school system. Talk to Fifth District City Council Member Patrick Nichting if you have questions.

As I mentioned in an earlier posting, I like a guy who can apologize. President Bush's apology/self flogging last night just didn't cut it. An apology and a huge check drawn on a federal bank was the only thing that could possibly save Bush's skin, and he knew as much, so it just doesn't count. It's kind of like when a serial killer shows remorse in order to avoid the death penalty.

Lately, I've been trying to watch as much BBC World News as possible. I'm interested to see how other countries are viewing the United States in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. Wouldn't you know it? Katrina is all capitalism's fault! Yes, you see, we Americans have downsized government too much in order to fund tax cuts. We thought the free market would protect us from natural disasters. Silly me. The lesson I walked away with was that government could be both big and ineffective.

My dog, Frenchy, is now classified as geriatric. I took him to the vet for his yearly checkup and shots. The Doc heard a heart murmur and ordered Frenchy a doggie EKG and blood tests to see how his major organs were holding up. Apparently, Frenchy could require doggie doses of Lipitor or something. Needless to say, I do not have canine prescription coverage. When I asked the vet if all the tests and interventions were really necessary, as French is eleven years old and his life expectancy is twelve or thirteen, he looked at me like I was Satan. I love Frenchy. I do. However, FRENCHY IS A DOG. Frenchy licks his butt, and therefore clearly does not fear death. When the time comes and Frenchy suffers arthritis and/or chest pain, I don't think Frenchy would freely choose doggie Celebrex/Lipitor over a peaceful ending. Everyone knows all dogs go to heaven. They made a movie about it.

Doggie EKGs. Jeeze. People are starving in Niger at this moment. They are dying horrible, painful deaths. Many of them are children. It never ceases to amaze me that the wealthiest nation on earth can also be the stupidest.

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