If your mind is too open, your brain will fall out. Warning: Names, identities, descriptions, and pictures have been changed and/or used to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. PollyPeoria should not be used or quoted as a source for your senior college thesis.

Thursday, May 24

Gary Sandberg: Suave. Rico. Really?


Monday's Word on the Street column reported that Gary Sandberg is not speaking to the Journal Star these days because of an article written shortly before the election that criticized his appearance. If true, I got to say, I'm shocked. Since when does Gary care about his appearance, what people think of it, and especially what the Journal Star thinks about Gary, or his appearance or, for that matter, what the Journal Star -especially the editorial staff- thinks about anything?! This is Sandberg after all, a man who once told me he doesn't have any mirrors in his house. This is Sandberg, who can count on both the JP Star not endorsing him and the voters overwhelming voting him in first.

Gary is a bachelor. To me, he strikes me as the type who really doesn't give a rats ass about appearance because there are far more interesting things in the world (Harleys!) to think about and issues to address (Crime, Fire Station 11, taxes, recycling) than which side his hair should be parted on, or the alpha hydroxy content of his facial moisturizer. He doesn't have a wife pleading that he not go out in public without a shave, wearing plaid with polka dots, or with spinach in his teeth. Say what you will about him, one would not think to call Gary Sandberg vain. Thankfully, Gary is not a pretty boy politician with the poor sense to pay $400 bucks for a haircut. Now Gary would gladly allow his head to be shaved, by an ex-wife no less, in order to raise money to benefit a cancer patient, and has. Gary is a man's man. He doesn't care about his looks unless there's a special occasion that demands it. You know, a job interview, a friend's wedding, hot date, a campaign photo.

Or so I thought. How Gary's feelings could be hurt by what anyone says about his appearance, let alone the Journal Star, is dumbfounding. Now that I think about it, this isn't the first time Sandberg has refused comment to the Journal Star because it made a jab about his looks. Years ago the Journal Star ran a crummy photo of Gary in a bright orange sweater that, at first glance, looked like a jailhouse jumpsuit. Gary didn't speak to any Journal Star reporter for a loooooong time after that one.

Sandberg's sensitivity is not just odd, but also inappropriate. Part of one's job as a Councilperson is to maintain a dialect with the public, and the press is one means of doing so. In fact, the press is the primary means of doing so. By denying comment to a newspaper with the widest circulation (even if said newspaper's lack of professionalism and honesty leaves a lot to be desired) Sandberg is denying his view and thought process to many voters who hired him.

More troubling is Gary's lack of trust in the readers/voters who returned him to office- again, and again, and again. Gary, buddy, we know Mike Bailey and Company are going to make fun and unduly criticize you whenever the opportunity presents itself. We know who's corner the PJ Star is in. We know where their bread is buttered. We know where they dine, or would like to anyway- (Peoria Country Club). Frankly, we know the editorial bozos at the PJ Star can't be trusted and so we figure, in part, the less they like you and the more mean and petty they are, well, the better job you must be doing.


From the April 9th Journal Star:

You know it's election time when....

Gary Sandberg gets a haircut and dons a bow tie. We've been through a number of elections with the senior member of the Peoria City Council, and have come to note the sometimes stark differences between Campaign Gary and Regular Gary, partly evidenced in these two photos.

Both Garys are knowledgeable. Campaign Gary can be quite charming out on the stump, which history suggests has had an appeal to local voters. Unfortunately, soon as the votes are counted, he has always metamorphosed back into Regular Gary, with a tendency to be considerably less charming around the horseshoe, particularly to those who don't quite see the world his way.

We prefer Campaign Gary. Sorry, couldn't resist the comparison.

Oh yeah? Well, I like Campaign Gary, but I adore Regular Gary. The Gary who says it as he sees it without any of the excessive softening adjectives that campaigning requires. I like the Regular Humorous Gary who brought a sleeping bag to Council the night they voted on whether or not to buy the water company, knowing they might debate the issue all night. I like the Regular Gary who lined his desk with a collection of firework debris after troubling July 4th celebrations in his neighborhood. I like the considerate Regular Gary who brought the Mayor a cupcake on his birthday. I even like the Regular Gary who gets angry- really, really angry when he believes his colleagues are not acting in the citizens best interests. I like the Regular Gary who does his homework and cares about constituents.

I don't agree with everything Sandberg says, does, or how he votes. I simply realize that the world has way too many politicians who always look their absolute best while their performance is the absolute worst. How refreshing -and lucky- Peoria is to have a public servant who albeit may forget to shave, can be counted on to show up educated, informed, and well prepared to serve the public.

Monday, May 21

Mr. Pot, Allow Me to Introduce You to Mr. Kettle



Like most, I think Jimmy Carter is a good man, but he was an AWFUL president. An opinion shared by the just about the entire nation at the time. I can't recall a more humiliating defeat than the Carter vs. Regan election. I'm not a huge fan of President Bush, but Carter has no right to throw stones.

Anyone remember the energy crisis? Waiting in line for gas? Double digit unemployment rates? Inflation that wouldn't stop? As far as crappy foreign policy goes, how about the Iranian Hostage Crisis?! Could that have been handled any worse? Anyone else remember the bungled rescued attempt? Remember the bodies of deceased American military personnel torn and burned by maniacs in Tehran? The 444 days of agonizing hell when America sat on its hands and did nothing while her citizens suffered abroad?

No doubt this administration has its flaws. Big time. However, Carter criticizing Bush is akin to George Ryan calling Blago a liar.

Tuesday, May 8

Meet Michael Little


This is the thug-loser-low-life-piece-of-scum-smelly-feces-rotting-on-the-sole-of society's-shoe-too-stupid-to-blow/pick-his-own-nose who assaulted Third District Councilman Bob Manning after his car was struck by a child on a bicycle. Manning, responsible and a gentleman to the core, stopped, offered aide, called the police on his cell phone, and attempted to explain to Little that he wasn't out cruising trying to hit kids darting out on bikes from behind parked cars. Little didn't want to strain his allegedly small brain in order to comprehend the situation. Little also didn't want to help or comfort the child. Instead, Little slugged Manning in the face, fracturing his eye socket in several places. Having made a contribution, Little then took off with his allegedly tiny, tiny, tail between his legs.

We should forgive Little. Little isn't just his last name. It is who he is. Word in the 'hood is that Little not only has abnormally small genitals but has an even smaller brain. This would give just about any man a big chip on his shoulder. When police caught up with Little, (which didn't take very long or effort as the stupid are easy to find) they found an open bottle of booze in his car and and a revoked license in his otherwise empty wallet. Little's excuse for assaulting Manning? He thought Manning was going to flee. If broken bones and surgery were not involved, Little's excuse would be pretty damn funny. The only person who fled was Little himself. Let us pray that States Attorney Catch and Release Kevin Lyons attempts to put this dangerous twit -with a history of violence- behind bars for more than a day or two. I know... I know... don't hold your breath.

Bob, I hope that cute baby blue heals quickly and that this awful episode doesn't put a damper in your desire to help the Third District and Peoria. Obviously, we need you.

Wednesday, May 2

Separated at Birth???






Gary Sandberg

and...



Fred Sanford?!?!?

Okay, the mess at Sanford's, er, I mean, Sandberg's place occurred years ago. The junk couldn't be seen from the street. There were clearly renovations under way. (Check out the scaffolding!) Nonetheless, that mess is/was inexcusable. I don't believe all that crap was due to renovations and even if true, a dumpster should have been used, or, if that wasn't possible, the rubble should have been disposed regularly, in a timely fashion, and not been allowed to build up to that degree.

Gary, pay the $110 fine, you... you... you...

YOU BIG DUMMY!!!


Hat tip to and (most pics pilfered from) Peoria Pundit.

Golly! Polly sure is flattered!

Guess what Billy said about little ole me? Yup. I am River City's most mysterious blogger. That does it, I'm never coming out.

Flattery will get you everywhere Billy. Oh, get your mind out the gutter. What I mean is I'm not going to give you a big heaping helping of crap for playing with your thingy yet again. Actually, I admit, the latest format of Peoria Pundits is lovely. Like it a lot.

I'm worried about Bill because he is "twittering" these days. Didn't know about twitter until NPR enlightened me today. We can now get constant updates as to everything Bill is doing, every minute of the day. Well, as much as he cares to share. And you thought blogging was scary/risky. Twittering threatens to be the ultimate sledgehammer levied at the already crumbling wall of manners and privacy left in America. Twitter all about Council if you want, Bill, but for God sakes don't fall into the trap of feeling you are duty bound to inform us as to what you are planning to consume for lunch, or if you are regular these days.

What the hell is Gary Sandberg thinking? Why would he allow his property to have a junk heap very worthy of a ticket? Anyone remember when Clyde had these problems a few years back? Hey! Gary! You are supposed to be a LEADER. That means, in part, that you should be someone that normal citizens would want to live next to. Your property should be damn near ideal, which means it should not have a the beginnings of a landfill in the side yard. Sandberg should put a "Sanford and Sons" sign on the front of his place if he plans to turn his place into a junk yard. I love Gary, I do. But on this one he is dead wrong. Pay the fine, clean up the rubble, and don't disgrace yourself and/or those of us who voted for you in the future. Jeeze, what is with politicians these days? Well, at least we can rest easy that we won't find Gary paying for a $400 haircut any time soon.

Bill, I would have invited you back for a pillow fight and Chinese food, but no decent Chinese restaurant delivers in Peoria and you picked a rather hideous pic of Scarlett to post. Okay, her bust is looking perky, but what the hell is going on with the hair? Bad. Really Bad. Looks like she cut it with something rusty from Sandberg's pathetic pile of waste.

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