If your mind is too open, your brain will fall out. Warning: Names, identities, descriptions, and pictures have been changed and/or used to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. PollyPeoria should not be used or quoted as a source for your senior college thesis.

Monday, September 4

I Finally See What All the Fuss is About

Page C6 of today's Journal Star has an article entitled, Ghosts of Glen Oak. It includes pictures of Glen Oak Park in its prime. Glen Oak Park used to host beautiful, elaborate sunken gardens. Boaters frequented the park's lagoon during warm months. Ice skaters took advantage of the lagoon when it froze over in winter. There were amazing structures, including Palm house, which was "an imposing glassdomed conservatory in which visitors could stroll among exotic plants and secret pools beneath its canopy of palms." The article suggests that Glen Oak Park rivaled New York City's Central Park, and certainly could put any Chicago park to shame.

So what the hell happened?

My guess is that it all went the way of the Palm House, "torn down in 1951, considered too expensive to maintain."

The pictures lead one to believe that Glen Oak Park was nothing short of idyllic. I envy the previous generations that were able to enjoy it, while -if you believe the drawings- swathed in their gorgeous long gowns and enormous hats. Hey. It was the Victorian Age. It could have happened.

If I had grown up in Peoria back then, I too would morn the destruction of Glen Oak Park. The sunken gardens have long since been filled in. Skating on a frozen lagoon in winter? Are you kidding?! Can you spell liability? No matter. If I had grown up playing in what was the very grand Glen Oak Park, expanding the zoo in attempt to generate something as crass as revenue would be the same as blasphemy. Allowing huge portions of the park to be overtaken by the school district for some new fangled and ugly institution... God forbid!

The sad truth: We have a war of generations taking place in Peoria. It isn't so much Caterpillar shoving a new museum, huge civic center, and expanded zoo down the taxpayer's throats, it is haute senior citizens demanding that their idea of culture be heeded. (Oddly, those who don't want the former jewel that once was Glen Oak Park to further dissolve mostly belong to the same generation but not, I would wager, the same tax bracket.)

This technically timid older set refuses to accept the sound superiority of mp3 players, the amazing picture quality of plasma television, and they are horrified that today's pampered youth have little desire to endure freezing cold, whipping wind, and pitted ice of a lagoon. The park district provides indoor ice skating all year. Ever hear of Owen's Center? Any Olympic skaters hail from the lagoon? No? Well Owen's claims Matt Savoy as its own, thank you very much.

Younger generation are more pampered, wealthier, and fatter to be sure. However, younger generation work more hours and have less free time than their parents or grandparents. Women aren't home changing diapers, darning socks and canning tomatoes any more. They work at the office at least a solid forty hours, and come home to prepare meals, wash laundry, and change diapers. When today's working couples get a little free time, they want to make the most of it. Dance under the stars at the park accompanied by the muni band? You got to be kidding. Snoozeville. Give me interactive, 3D, surround sound!

On the other hand, after an exhausting day, snuggling in the media room with the spouse, Chinese take-out, the kids, and a newly released DVD from Blockbuster... a little slice of heaven. Adventure? Education? Exploration? That's why God made vacations and Disney World. Families of modest means find ways to afford air travel, hotels, and theme parks. You can thank another new fangled invention for this- the internet. With Expedia.com and a credit card I can book an elaborate trip to the other side of the country or world in just a few minutes. Travel agent? Huh? Is that some James Bond type character from the olden days?

Perhaps the saddest truth is that even if one could wave a wand, sprinkle magic fairy dust, and wish upon a star to successfully return Glen Oak Park to it's previous glory it would still be under utilized. It would still be too expensive to maintain. It still would not generate revenue.

The school is a good idea. Today's parents want the best schools for their children. Yeah, I know. Glen Oak School was perfect for you. You went to school there, you grew up to pay taxes and you haven't robbed a liquor store. Guess what? We've put people on the moon since you were in school. Expectations and standards have changed. For better or worse, it isn't suitable to send kids to unairconditioned schools filled with abestos. I know, you went to the school of Hard Knocks. Good for you. Forgive the young 'uns. They want better for their kids. They learned that from you.

The Zoo expansion, on the other hand is stupid. Months ago some other blogger (C.J?)called Peoria's Zoo "Craptastic." Absolutely dead on. The AFRICA! Expansion isn't going to change that fact. At best, AFRICA! will be a new (though underfunded) interesting wing of an overall crapstatic zoo. How many times does anyone go to a zoo per year, regardless of how fantastic or crapstatic it is? Once? Twice? The best zoos (St. Louis, Brookfield) are interesting and impressive, but they leave visitors more than just a bit guilt ridden. Animals rarely look to be enjoying themselves. I always leave such places conflicted and more than a bit drained. Yeah the elephants were amazing. Can we really fool ourselves that 3/4 of an acre makes life worth living for these huge creatures more than twice a year? I go to a zoo to entertain kids. No kids? I'm not spending any of my precious free time at a smelly zoo. Or boring museum. Got kids? Twice a year -at best- load up the kids in the minivan, complete with DVD screens, and drive the fam damily to Chicago for some "culture." Read: Shopping, American Girl Store, Navy pier, the theme park disguised as a children's museum, ESPN Restaurant, and if the old ball and chain insists and the kids don't whine, Brookfield Zoo.

Don't sneer. Senior citizens don't know how it is. They don't know what it's like to have a son on a travel soccer team and a daughter in a karate tournament on the same day. They don't understand that the world is full of perverts and today's kids must be driven everywhere. Today's kids are not allowed to walk to school or piano lessons and no responsible parent allows kids to hang out at a park without adult supervision. Nine months out the year it is too cold and too dark by the time the average parent arrives home from work to take Junior to the park. Besides, Junior has a playset in his own backyard and an X-Box in the basement. Junior doesn't want to go to the park.

As an adult and a taxpayer, I should get a choice. The vast majority of Peoria's taxpayers don't really care about a new museum, bigger civic center, or expanded zoo. Frankly, and I disagree with them on this one, they don't want new schools. They certainly don't care enough about these things to be willing to pay for them. A children's museum. You betcha. Folks are willing to voluntarily pay to have it built. It doesn't take Harvard MBA to recognize this as a sign that the Children's Museum will likely generate revenue in the future.

It is ironic that the generation who grew up paying cash, lived within or below their means, and frowned upon debt, now insists that Peoria must have things it doesn't desire, let alone can afford. In a letter to the editor a few weeks back a former mayor of Peoria wrote that attracting young professionals to live and work in Peoria was difficult because, in large part, there was no museum. Bullsh*t.

When planning for Peoria's future, today's City leaders need to accept certain truths. For better or worse, today's young educated professionals -the ones that drive the "knowledge economy" Peoria is desperate to cultivate- care about crime, the cost of living and housing, commute times, and quality public schools for their offspring. As far as recreation, entertainment, and culture are concerned, to be honest, an elaborate shopping mall will suffice.

City Outsourcing

Did anyone else see the report last week that Peoria's next budget is over $2 million in the red? Forced by higher government to fund future benefits for employees, Peoria is in trouble come 2007. Might as well put the last nail in the coffin that is Fire Station 11.

One possible solution suggested by Fifth District Councilman Patrick Nichting-outsourcing. No, we most likely won't have to wait for snow plows from India to clear the streets this winter, but look for more private businesses to start taking over what used to be city employee domain.

Private companies are not forced to fund -or even offer- the same benefits local city employees currently enjoy, so they can provide services cheaper than the City can. There are a few departments I would love to see taken over by a private corporation. Namely, code enforcement. The city has apt time to move on slum landlords and homeowners who just don't care that their properties are destroying a neighborhood and inviting crime. I digress.

The outsourcing ploy might work for those city services that depend on braun, but it seems less likely that private enterprise can take over the duties of the City Clerk's Office or the Treasurer's Office for example. Who will be responsible for receiving funds from such revenues as parking tickets, permits, and license requests? Who will keep the minutes of City Council meetings, fill FOA requests, track the budget? Temps from Manpower?

In a capitalist environment, it seems odd that Government would ever pay its employees higher salaries or provide better benefits than private companies. Of course, since City government doesn't provide a profit, it can't work exactly the same way as does private business. Most non-profits pay less and provide far fewer benefits than private businesses. So should the City of Peoria.

Whoever did the original math should be hunted down and shot. Even with a significant tax increase, there is no way the City will be able to provide the benefits it has promised to employees without going broke. Maybe no one saw that health care was going to become so expensive. Maybe the city employees union is too strong. Maybe whoever did the original math on the city employee benefits package was tripping on crack. It really doesn't matter.

I'm not saying that City employees don't work hard. Most of them probably do. I'm not saying they don't deserve healthcare or retirement benefits. They do. Just not better benefits than their bosses (taxpayers) enjoy. Unless you want to give your credit card number to some boiler room operator in India the next time you get a parking ticket downtown, something has got to give.

There. Now Quit Yer Bellyachin'



I figured I owed my 12 devoted readers something. Polly promises. You will not find this pic anywhere else on the net. If you do, they stole it from here. I did not realize how difficult it would be to take pictures of one's own foot/leg. I also did not realize how difficult it would be to find a store that sells fishnet stockings in August.

I was told fishnets were a "winter item." Er, they don't seem like they would keep one very warm.

Oh. Then again...

Who Would of Thunk It?

Gasoline prices brought a smile to my face today. A mere $2.74 a gallon. I filled up even though my tank was already half full. Polly typically drives on fumes and prayer. I thought it was nice that gas prices actually fell during a long holiday weekend for a change.

Then it dawned on me.

Greedy oil company bastard scum. Raise gas prices up to well over $3.00 bucks a gallon so the consumer will be delighted to pay a mere $2.74 a gallon. That will end those nasty, time consuming price gouging hearings. Evil geniuses.

Note to self. Buy more Exxon stock when the market opens on Tuesday.

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