If your mind is too open, your brain will fall out. Warning: Names, identities, descriptions, and pictures have been changed and/or used to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. PollyPeoria should not be used or quoted as a source for your senior college thesis.

Thursday, October 27

An open letter to Aaron Schock

My Dearest Aaron,

Just a few sage words of advice from an elder. We have become quite fond of you here in the 92nd District. You have made us very proud. Frankly, many of us voted for you because we were annoyed with that hag, Ricca. The shrew couldn't return a phone call. Electing someone so much younger and cuter was the perfect payback.

Who knew that you would be such a competent State Representative? What a pleasant surprise! I have enjoyed listening to you at various functions, and you make a far better speech than those much older and with more experience, especially that David Leitch. Aaron, do you smell alcohol on his breath? Have you noticed Davy sneaking a bottle under his desk in The House? It would certainly explain his constant slurred speech. Ah, but I digress.

Aaron, we would hate to lose you here in the 92nd District. You have worked hard and you are very responsive to your constituents. In your short reign, you have been successful in passing every bill you sponsored. You provide reading parties and Health Fairs for children. You have gone above and beyond, dear boy.

Aunty Polly wants to encourage you to to think of the competition, not the title, when deciding your political future. You are a sweet, and humble boy. Your mother raised you well. I know running for State Senate seems a bit arrogant and egotistical after only serving in The House for eight months. Yet, the stars have fallen into some strange, quacky alignment and it will be much easier to beat Koehler for Shadid's seat than Spears for the one you currently hold. I know you've worked hard. I know it isn't fair. But Honey, he is a Democrat and you represent a heavily Democratic area. Remember, you only beat The Shrew by a few hundred votes- even with all that Republican money to back you up. Plus, Billy Spears is beloved. Yes, you are loved too Aaron, but we've known Billy for years and years and he has bought most of us a drinky poo or two.

I don't like that Koehler fellow. Arrogant brat, that one. Thinks he is entitled to Shadid's seat. Humph! We will just see about that! Mr. Koehler thinks Shadid "groomed" him for the Senate. I don't think so. Shadid was a conservative Democrat. Koehler is way to lefty for comfort.

Yes, Aaron, if we had our druthers we would like to give you more time to ripen and mature in The House. We just don't always get our way, Dear, and it behooves us to see the writing on the freakin' wall and go for the seat we are most likely to win.

Think about it, Lovey. Besides, if you won a Senate Seat, you would get a break from campaigning so often. That would leave you more time to find a nice girlfriend... or whatever.

Much Love,

Aunty Polly

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, you know, it's less of a stretch, I think, for Aaron to go for Shadid's seat from where he's at now, than from going to the 150 school board to Ricca's office. And, frankly, I think he would beat Bill Spears by a handy 5-10%, anyhow. I know, I know... you say, and lots say, that Bill is "beloved," blah blah blah... BUT, the fact remains that Bill just comes off as a nice shoe salesperson... and I mean that in a positive way. BUT, Aaron is a once in a lifetime political prodigy... on the campaign trail, I think he would carve Bill up. Bill's statements, after announcing his candidacy, were run-of-the-mill, token, and just downright boring. Aaron's replies to questions of his candidacy were thoughtful and well-worded. Yes, the die-hard Democrats (and I'm pretty close to one) would still support Bill no matter what, but there are a number of independents out there, and I think a lot of folks who voted AGAINST Aaron the last time around who now think he's doing a pretty good job (and I'm one of those people).

However, knowing that Shadid's seat will probably not reappear for a generation or two without an incumbent running, I have to agree with Ms. Peoria that Aaron should announce for that soon... and prepare to carve up Mr. Koehler on the stump. Yes, it pains me a bit, being a lifelong quasi-Democrat, to admit that a young Republican is the best man for the job... but, my experience with Aaron so far makes me pretty sure that he is.

Over and out.

Anonymous said...

You are right on the mark Polly.

Anonymous said...

Why not support the party's policy and go all the way to Iraq ? He's of the right age and all. I think thats where most people of that age and party affiliation belong.

The question is " Why are you more special than the poor grunts dying every day because of policies you support ? "

And what a fine job with the school district. Poorer students, less prepared, sounds like cannon fodder has been an accomplishment for your resume'.

The boyish charm now comes with a record, and it seems little more than self-promotion

FACTS. Give facts on these wonderful achievements, that's all.
And not the ones where he was underwritten by Daddy, or brother, or party, etc.

Beating two women on the way down does not make a career in my opinion.

pollypeoria said...

Dear Anon,
In regard to:

"Why not support the party's policy and go all the way to Iraq ? He's of the right age and all. I think thats where most people of that age and party affiliation belong.

The question is " Why are you more special than the poor grunts dying every day because of policies you support ? "

Sorry, Anon, but I think you are a bit of an ass. Who says all Republicans feel the same way about the Iraq war? Someone hasn't been doing their homework -you. Aaron is not obligated to represent Bush, he is a STATE representative, not a congressman. It is his job to best represent Peoria in Springfield. That's where our State Capitol is located, Dear Anon, in case you weren't aware.

Also, you seem to be lacking basic knowledge regarding our Country's policy on military duty. We believe in VOLUNTARY arm forces, unless dire circumstances force a draft. If Polly were forced to fight, she'd probably upchuck and then wet herself. It is best if she sticks to what she does best... putting nimrods like yourself in their proper place.

Since you readily believe the negative extreme sterotypes of the Republican Party, I am forced to believe you are an ugly, lonely, truck driving, lesiban, who provides illegal abortions on her free time and never shaves her legs or arm hair.

Shuddup and go buy yourself a new pair of Birkenstocks.

Love,
Polly

Anonymous said...

Harsh and Halarious! I'm a Democrat too, but I like Aaron. He works hard. I especially like that because of him, single working moms now can apply college education grants. I know Aaron is a Republican, but a lot of his view are Democratic. I think he is really an Independent.

Anonymous said...

I guess you can"t take criticism. You called me names, misdirected facts and now are afraid to publish rebuttal. Twice.

You are a real assett to free expression.

What are you afraid of ? The truth or your phoney image ?

You can't take the light, can you ? Like most rock dwelling creatures.

pollypeoria said...

Anon:

I LOVE criticism, ADORE it, LIVE for it actually. I just assume those who dish it can take it.

I did a lengthy rebut on the "Why doesn't Aaron go to Iraq" question. For time reasons I didn't bother with the School Board but since you insist...

As President of the School Board, Aaron's District (3rd Ed) acheived it's highest test scores. There were serious financial mistakes made, however, The Board was using data submitted to them by auditors and paid consultants, which turned out to be false. Also, Royster made false claims as to an agreement regarding shorter school hours (and thus less expense) for 150's Edison Schools.

Two women on their way down? Not true. Aaron won his School Board seat via a write in campaign which had was all but unheard of after the then School Board President challenged his petitions. It took a lot of effort, and had been she not been caddy and challenged the petitions, she would have retained her seat. Schock campaigned and worked (and works) HARD. Name recogonition is everything in a campaign. To win without your name appearing on the ballot is incredible.

For his House seat, Schock won by a couple hundred votes in a very Democratic District. Mostly because people felt he was the best and most articulate member of the School Board. Also, Schock returns his calls and responds to the concerns of his constituents.

Fronted by Daddy's money? No. For his House seat, he had the Republican War Chest, and he outspent Ricca slightly. Moreover, Schock campaigned door-to-door. In his last election he knocked on EVERY door in his District personally. Anyone see Billy Spears doing that?

I have given facts on Aaron's achievements, including the fact that everyone of the bills he sponsored have passed and all except one have been signed by Blago - but is expected to be signed soon.

I don't know when I failed to rebut a previous comment. Usually if another reader does it for me I don't bother.

I do think that Democrats tend to typecast Conservatives more than vice versa. The sentiment that Schock should sign up for Iraq simply because he is Republican is sophomoric.

Afraid of something? Can't take the light? Nah. Not above a little name calling though. I didn't know I had an image - phony or otherwise to protect. Good to know, kind of flattered actually.

I'm going back under my rock now and you can go back to bitterly singing "Michael Row Your Boat Ashore."

Love and kisses Anon,

Polly

Anonymous said...

So you enjoy supporting traitors who are turning the citizens of this country into piggy banks for the super rich.

Get your head out of your ass. Jesus does NOT support the GOP you country hick!

Anonymous said...

I'd luv to see him bring his gf to events. Too bad he's never had one because he's GAY. I know this boy, went to school with him. Gay, and it has nothing to do with "gaydar."

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