I'm a little concerned....

As always, my significant other (S.O.) brought me a cup of coffee and the newspaper in bed this morning. I drank the coffee, but could only muster up enough energy to glance at the front page of the PJ Star. VERY abnormal. Usually I devour the Journal Star, as if it were a fine meal, or a newspaper actually worth reading.

Today, I simply couldn't give a rip.

Time to plan a vacation. Definitely.

FOOD BLOG ALERT!!!

If I had it to do over again, I would be a chef. I'm a foodie. I love food. I love to eat it, cook it, shop for it, and buy expensive equipment to prepare it. Some want porches, mansions, yachts... Polly dreams of a full set of Henckles knives. And a Viking Stove. And a commercial dishwasher. Anyway, it was with great delight I discovered Chef Kevin's Blog which I highly recommend.

Chef Kevin actually works in Corporate America/Peoria now, having exchanged his Chef hat for a 401K, (Chef Kev, you can have mine. Money is just paper. Food is forever. Just ask my thighs!) but he still wines and dines frequently at area restaurants and does an outstanding job of letting us know where to go and where to avoid.

God bless him.

IT'S SUPERBOWL SUNDAY!!!

And I could not care any less.

I know this is going to sound arrogant and negative, but I don't know why people get so excited when "their team" wins. It's not like the fans did anything to help the athletes accomplish their goal. It's not like most athletes are loyal to "their team." Hell, offer just about any of them a little more moola and they will be playing for some new team next year.

So, as my house's foundation shudders and cracks due to all the yelling and screaming from those watching the game downstairs, Polly reminds you....

You are just rooting for a jersey.

Don't cry DeWayne!

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It's Official: I Am An Evil Dorkwad

I'm writing a book. The title: Evil Dorkwad Bosses and How They Get That Way

Those of you who keep up know that my former evil dorkwad boss beat me to the chase and quit before I got the chance. So, fate being a true pain in the butt, I inherited his old job and title.

What was that saying about walking a mile in someone else's shoes before judging them? I wanted to be nice. I wanted to boost morale. Okay, mostly I just hate control top pantyhose and high heels. So, I re-instituted a casual dress code.

If it were up to me, employees could show up in a G-string for all I care. As long as they come to work nearly on time and give a good solid eight, seven, even six hours of effort a day, I'm happy.

One rule. The company's national charter states: Absolutely no denim. None. Ever. This is a non-profit and the justification is that donors are not as likely to write big checks if employees are lazing around in jeans. Whatever. I don't make this rule, I simply have to implement it. If someone from corporate H.Q. walks in and finds an employee in a pair of Levis, it is my ass on the line.

So, I put out the following memo:

Casual dress will hence forth be allowed. Khakis, Slacks, even tennis shoes are okay. T-shirts are allowed as long as they have no writing on them. However, JEANS AND DENIM -ANY TYPE- ARE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN AT ALL TIMES. Anything article of clothing even remotely resembling denim, including chambray shirts, can not be worn to the office.

Because I don't want to treat adults like children and send employees home to change or "write them up" over something as asinine as what they wear, I also included the following warning:

Any employee who wears any form of denim to the office will be responsible for ruining the new casual dress code for everyone.

Three days. It lasted three freakin' days. Today, one guy wore a denim button down shirt, and the receptionist wore jeans. Her excuse? "Uhm, but they're, like, capris."

Today's memo:

Due to apparent confusion and/or inability to follow simple guidelines, "casual dress" is hereby rescinded. Beginning tomorrow, Friday, February 3rd, employees must return to professional dress (suits, ties, dress shoes, etc.). I sincerely apologize to those employees who enjoyed and adhered to the former casual dress code.

Come and Get It Kids! Lunch is Served.

There were times in my childhood when my parents were broke. Not homeless broke, but definitely hurting broke. Occasionally, my dad would get laid off and we would have to make due with what he received from unemployment and my mom's meager secretary pay to get by. During those times I qualified and received free hot lunches from my public school. When times got really tough, those lunches were the best and most complete meal of my day. I'm lucky Aramark wasn't in charge of the school lunch program back in the seventies. If they had, I think I would have been better off scavenging food from garbage cans.

My niece celebrated her 8th birthday yesterday. As a special treat I ate lunch with her in the school cafeteria along with her class. Can I tell you? Second grade is a magical time. All the kids were adorable. The lunch, however, was nasty. Have you noticed nearly every week there seems to be another epidemic of barfing kids that consumed District 150 lunches? No big mystery as to why. Just look at the menu.

The entree: Breadsticks with Marinara Sauce. That's it. The breadsticks were stale and the marina sauce wasn't even red. There was also some canned fruit, unrecognizable in origin. I took a taste of this "fruit" as the children looked on, all shouting a chorus of, "EEEEEWWWW!!!" It tasted like rust. The best and most nutritious part of the lunch was the chocolate milk.

I was gulping Pepto for the rest of the day.

I took a menu and was shocked to see some other meals planned for the month. February 8th: Soft Pretzel w/"Cheese" Sauce. February 9th: Waffles with margarine and syrup for lunch. February 22: French Toast Sticks - no mention of syrup, for lunch.

These lunches cost a $1.50. Aramark can't provide much and still make a profit. However, profit was not the objective when the school lunch program was created. It was created to make sure that kids got at least one healthy, square meal a day. These lunches don't qualify. For the most part, the kids who received hot lunch drank the milk and dumped the rest. Kids also had the option of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches they made themselves at a station set up in the corner of the cafeteria. To say this practice is unsanitary would be an understatement. I don't want to even think about how many e-coli germs were on the peanut butter jar. Does Aramark really believe kids thoroughly wash their hands after using the bathroom?

District 150 should dump Aramark. If need be, the District should raise the price of meals in order to provide something edible. I would be hard pressed to provide a healthy sack lunch that only cost $1.50 to make. Kids who qualify can still get free lunch.

When I was a kid there were some hot lunch offerings I actually looked forward to. Pizza. Ravoli. Pigs in a blanket. (The blanket -bread- was homemade. The whole school smelled like bread baking.) I always dreaded turkey with gravy and haystacks, although I never felt sick after consuming them.

If you have a kid in District 150 and have the ability, send them to school with a sack lunch. Trust me. I feel really bad for kids who only have Aramark meals to look forward to everyday.

Most dogs in this country eat better. Much better.

This just in from Peoria Republican Headquarters....

*
We are going to lose. Seriously. I just came back from an unveiling of the great Republican State Plan for victory. It sucks.

The Great Plan? Genius! I don't know why anyone thought of it before! Telemarketing. Ohh... Ah... Wow... Yup. These folks are under the impression that mass telemarketing was responsible for George W's victory in Ohio in the last presidential election.

Er, no. George W. took Ohio because there was an anti-gay marriage measure on the ballot and threatened heterosexuals turned out in force (Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Socialists, Commies alike...) to vote to "preserve the institution of marriage." With a divorce rate over 50%, it would seem the biggest threat to marriage is heterosexuals, but I digress.

Democrats can relax. No one mentioned putting a marriage amendment on the ballot. A petition was circulating around my church last week, but at least officially, Republican H.Q. isn't the force behind it.

The telemarketing plan looks to identify Republicans as "Hard Rs" -which I gather is an anti-gay, anti-abortion, gun toting, pro-tax cut Republican, or "Soft Rs" who might be wishy washy on abortion but definitely hates taxes, or an Independent who likes something on the Republican agenda but doesn't care for it as a whole. If a victory is to happen, Independents will have to cross to the Republican side.

I didn't see anyone sign up to make calls. Even if they were willing to pay folks to make calls, I don't see many folks answering them. Don't Republican Big Wigs know about caller I.D.? Do they really think people are going to stop watching an episode of Judy Judy or a Ronco infomercial for a solicitation call? Duh!

Individual Republican candidates had better be strong, organized, and well funded, because The Party -at the State level anyway- isn't going to be much help.

I don't want to hear any more crap about remaining anonymous...

Three of my favorite blogs are no more.

Lollygaggin' is gone. Greater Peoria Blog, no more. Dave's Blog, gone and terribly missed.

I'm not positive why Pammy gave up Lollygaggin' or Dave Dahl gave up his blog. "Peoria Dad" of the Greater Peoria Blog sent me the following e-mail:

Polly:

Just when you update your blog list...

In case you hadn't noticed, I had to lose the Greater Peoria blog.

Wasn't my boss. They were fine. But someone within another prominent company in town had a problem with me airing my views. Sad, really. I decided to lose it rather than negatively affecting my employer. Just not worth it angering the thought Nazi's of the world.

Seems you're on to something with the whole anonymous thing.

Anyway...


It ain't paranoia if they are really out to get you, people.

Jeeze, who's next? Bill Dennis of Peoria Pundit fame?

Peoria Dad, I'm keeping your link on my blog roll. You could at least come back and let us know when your band is playing!

Overheard at IHOP this morning...

My gut tells me that Pammy over at Lollygaggin' would really like this story.

I'm at IHOP, drinking coffee, reading the Wall Street Journal, and eavesdropping on the couple seated at table next to mine.

The Husband: (Who is staring at the ass of a cute, teenybopper waitress leaning over to wipe off a table), says to his wife, "I wish you would lose weight."

The Wife: (Who is giving a new born infant a bottle, has dark rings of sleep deprivation under her eyes, and is maybe 25 post partum pounds overweight, tops), replies, "I know how you feel. I wish you had a bigger penis."


Polly: Laughs so hard scalding coffee comes out nose.

P-Town Snarker Come On Down...

You're the next entry on my blog roll!


Yup. There's a new blogger in town. Welcome to the party P-Town Snarker. I've also added A Storm in the Port, and Lollygaggin' to my roll. I've been remiss in updating my template. Sorry.