If your mind is too open, your brain will fall out. Warning: Names, identities, descriptions, and pictures have been changed and/or used to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. PollyPeoria should not be used or quoted as a source for your senior college thesis.

Saturday, October 8

Schock vs. Spears. Oh yeah, Baby!

Now we have a race!!! I expect fun will be had by all, assuming Bill Spears accepts his party's nod to take on Boy Wonder.

Spears may deserve the post, but he will have to earn it all over again. Schock loves to campaign. LOVES it. Campaigning door to door? Most candidates hate it. Schock is better at it than a team of Fuller Brush Salesmen, a hoard of preaching Mormons, and a clique of dancing Avon Ladies combined. It's hard to imagine Bill Spears lowering himself to sucking up on Schock's level.

I've also noticed that Schock keeps sending out invitations to kids. "Read eight books and come to my ice cream party at the Aquaplex." Later this month he is having a kid's fair. If you ask me, it's creepy. However, I bet the soccer moms eat it up.

Remember the very ugly/entertaining Ricca Sloan v Aaron Schock campaign? I don't see Spears fighting dirty, which might be to his benefit. Voters say they don't like campaign mud slinging, but frankly, other than a beautiful spring day, nothing gets voter turn out higher. Schock is an easy target, after serving years as president on a school board that was clueless that the system was $8, $9, or $18 million in debt.

If Spears can drive up enough energy for campaign combat, I think he is Springfield bound. I'll miss him on the City Council, though. I think he is the one who keeps Sandberg on his meds.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT!!!

A buddy of mine informed me that my favorite lobbying lawyer turned 40 last weekend. I've given Mr. Jones a lot of grief in the past, so I thought the least I could do was wish him a belated happy birthday sans any of the typical undeserved vitriol I usually toss his way.

The forties aren't so bad, Matt. We are allowed to make real money now, and occasionally people take us seriously. Suckers.

Hope it was happy, Matt.

Can Tanner's

Took the munchkins to Tanner's Orchard yesterday. District 150 celebrated a half day. The District called it "Student Improvement Day." Improving students apparently requires sending them home three hours early. Hey, I respect teachers. I think they work hard. Damn hard. If they need extra time to prepare, or relax, or whatever, I say give it to them. Just call it what it is. "Teacher Union Day" rings right. Before I get a bunch of comments ripping me a new one, let me just state, I drove by the kid's school yesterday at 1:00 p.m. There were four cars in the lot. Anyone else notice that Student Improvement Day (Columbus Day) and Institute Day (Thanksgiving) always coincide with what otherwise would be "just" three/four day weekends?

Anyway, Tanner's Orchard used to be a quaint way to celebrate Autumn. Pick some apples, bring home a box of cider donuts, a gallon of cider, eat some kettle korn, go Mach five down the huge slide...

Them there days are gone kids. If you pick a half a peck (smaller than a plastic grocery sack) of apples it will cost you $15.00. Wanna take the kids to the playground? Six bucks. Per kid. The big, honking, huge slide... gone. Too much liability apparently. So the six buck covers equipment that you would easily find for free at any public park, or most back yards. Six donuts? Five bucks. A gallon of cider? Five bucks. A box of four caramel apples? Eight bucks. A freaking mum? $25.00. I understand that overhead can be costly, but the prices -as compared to last year- far exceed any imaginable rate of inflation. Maybe Tanner's is now trying attract ignorant city slickers/suckers from Chicago?

There were hardly any apples left to pick and I simply could not bring myself to pay the $6.00 playground extortion fee. So we bought a box of overpriced donuts and a gallon of excellent cider and left. After all, if I want to be thoroughly ripped off I'll go to Chuckie Cheese.

Next stop, Chuckie Cheese.

How can they charge so much for a place that smells like feet?!

Friday, October 7

See? I can be reasonable. I can. I can. I CAN!!!

Per the thoughtful and reasonable request received via e-mail from one of the parties involved, I have deleted my previous post.

Polly doesn't want to make a delicate situation worse.

Even though I think I was right.

Tuesday, October 4

IMHO: Bibo is a Bimbo

I know I'm behind the times on this one, but as mentioned in the previous post, I've been on vacation. I have been stupid enough to check out the Peoria Journal Star web site, and caught Terry Bibo's gossip column on Michael Levan a week ago. I just can't let it go without comment.

There are some people with positions in life that really make you wonder... If Terry Bibo can be a columnist at the Journal Star, why haven't I written the great American novel? If Dan Lietch can be a State Representative, why am I not at least in the Senate? If George Bush can be President of the most powerful nation on earth, why am I not the Supreme Ruler of the known universe? All fair and relevant questions.

I admit, I rarely read Bibo. I find her columns fluffy and, well, ditzy. "Ditzy" is an adjective I really dislike using to describe a fellow female, so I prefer to side step her rants all together. A friend called me and told me I simply "HAD to read her one sided, totally unfair, gossip column about Michael Levan." So, I made the mistake of logging on.

What a column of crap. Why did the editors of the Journal Star allow it to be printed? Stupid question. Last Sunday, Bibo felt the need to publish the criminal history of Michael Levan. Levan, who would readily admit he isn't an angel, has a long arrest record. Apparently, he has been arrested about forty times mostly during his troubled youth. Levan is about forty years old.

Bibo points out Levan's arrest record and not much else. When I read about the troubled history of an individual, I want to know the full story. That is, I want the journalist to her job. How and why does one get arrested 40 times? What in his past caused him to behave so poorly? Was he beaten as a child? Victimized by a cruel step parent? Were his bones broken? Was he put in and pulled out of countless foster homes? Was he so abused and neglected that he was forced to eat from garbage cans as a kid? What is Levan doing now? Does he own property? Does he pay taxes? Did he suffer terrible brain injuries due to a recent car accident and made a miraculous recovery? Does he have a healthy and promising relationship with a lovely fiancee? Does he care for his aging mother? Has he turned his life around? Is he trying? Levan is well known to those that grew up on the East Bluff. Levan is well known period. The answers to such questions can be easily and readily found by a journalist willing to do a semi-thorough job. Bibo doesn't qualify.

I think Bibo is doing the dirty work of the Teplitz's. You see, Levan has been working hard to expose the alleged dirty dealings of the Roanoke Neighborhood Association, formerly headed by former City Councilwoman Marcella Teplitz and her attorney husband, Jack. Serious questions such as, "What the feck happened to all the money?" have been asked regarding the Roanoke Fund, which was recently revoked by City Council. It doesn't look good for the Roanoke Association, and it looks really, really bad for the Teplitz's.

Apparently it's politics (i.e., The recently ousted "Progressives") and journalism (i.e., The Journal Star) as usual in Peoria.

The two have a more incestuous relationship than fruit flies.

S.O.P.P. Save Our Peoria Pundit!

Okay, I was enjoying a nice vacation browning myself on the beach. I wasn't going to resume any responsibilities -or blogging- until I had attained the same lovely dark roasted espresso hue as our beloved Mayor, Jim Ardis. Hard to achieve when I still feel compelled to slather myself with SPF 4. Or baby oil. Or Crisco. But that's another completely irrelevant story.

What shocked me into dragging my lap top onto the beach is that Bill Dennis, blogger extraordinaire, of The Peoria Pundit HAS GONE OFF THE AIR. OR INTERNET. OR WHATEVER. I wouldn't know what the feck a blog was without Bill. Because of him, I still hold out hope that some day I maybe able to link properly or even post a picture. Okay, the later is reaching, I admit. Nonetheless, we must get this man some money. NOW. I am willing to contribute, but Bill, I gotta be able to do so anonymously! You can post "Polly Peoria" on your friends' list, but that Pay Pal button requires that I reveal my identity and my ass would be so FIRED if my bosses knew what I really thought of them. How about providing a snail mail address?

Some how, some way, I'm going to get this hard worker/blogger/journalist/purveyor of eye candy/disher of Peoria dirt/ some of the funds he desperately needs and is really entitled too. Most of us bloggers do this as a hobby, to vent and spew our profound and superior intellects *snicker* into cyberspace in order to keep those who love and live with us from beating us mercilessly -but deservedly- over the head with a heavy shovel. Bill Dennis is a professional, and runs a professional blog. Yeah, even with the eye candy. You ever notice how much eye candy is in the New York Times? Washington Post? Wall Street Journal?

The Peoria Pundit is NEEDED. Notice how often local politicians post on his blog? The Peoria Pundit allows us to get the real scoop, not the tainted synopsis provided by the Journal Star editorial page.

A donation to Bill falls slightly behind a donation for hurricane relief in priority. Bill is THAT good. He is that IMPORTANT.

I'm even gonna send him my beer money for the week. Now that's sacrifice.

Monday, September 26

Dairy King in the Gov's Mansion?

Received a form from Senator/Governor Wanna-be Oberweis today. Yeah. Like I'm going to circulate this guy's petition. I gotta take care of a few things first. Like counting each individual fiber in my shag carpet. Don't get me wrong, Mr. Oberweis, you make an outstanding chocolate peanutbutter ice cream. (No kidding. It is amazing.) But this guy has no shot in hell of holding an elected office higher than precinct committeeman, and even that's a stretch.

Would someone with a brain please report to Republican headquarters?

Christ, what is taking so long to come up with a viable candidate for Governor?

Edgar, get in the game or get out. I don't care. If you don't decide shortly I will not vote for you based on the fact you clearly cannot crap and get off the pot in a timely manner. Plus, I still remember that education tax stunt you tried to pull just before your last term was up.

You ain't as Republican as you appear, but at least we know you're not too good to live in Springfield.

Saturday, September 24

End Abortion. Issue Sex Licenses.

Don't bother reading this unless you are going to read the ENTIRE post.

I am pro life. I'm anti abortion with all the sad, but necessary, exceptions: rape, incest, when the pregnancy endangers the life of the mother, or when the baby so morbidly deformed it would only know a life of endless physical pain if born. Yeah, it happens. More than you think.

If one makes the decision to have sex, the natural consequence is pregnancy. If one makes the decision to have sex and responsibly uses the best birth control available, pregnancy is still a risk. Compare it to driving a car. I know, there are HUGE differences, but stay with me here. The only way emotional issues are ever intelligently debated/discussed is with logic.

When you turned sixteen, after months of supervised instruction, you probably went to the Department of Motor Vehicles. You took an eye exam, a driving test and completed a written exam. At that point, the State deemed you intelligent and competent to get behind the wheel of a multi-ton vehicle capable of high speeds. Driving is the most dangerous activity most of us ever engage in. Society trusts you to make good decisions in an inherently dangerous situation daily.

So, lets say you are driving home one very dark night on an isolated road. You have both hands on the wheel. You haven't had a single alcoholic beverage. You are not speeding. You are not sleepy. You are not talking on a freaking cell phone. You are not distracted by turning the dial on your radio, picking your nose, scratching your butt, or even sipping a latte. You are the Felix Unger of safe driving.

A pedestrian steps into the path of your car. Some air head jogger, complete with a MP3 player blaring rap music in her ears, wearing all black, who didn't bother to look both ways before crossing the street. You couldn't see her. You couldn't stop in time. You collide right into her.

The jogger, bleeding heavily, likely mortally wounded and in great pain, moans for help. You are scared. You might be charged with vehicular homicide. Involuntary manslaughter. You weren't doing anything wrong, but hell, you know lawyers now days. You could go to prison and the jogger's family could sue you in civil court. You could lose absolutely everything. Again, you did nothing wrong. In fact, you did everything right. You took every precaution. You're a good person.

Do you have to stop and give aid?

Yes. Of course. Such an accident is a daily risk of driving. Despite the best intentions and precautions, such tragedies happen. As a society, we trust you to manage the risk and behave humanely should such a horrific event occur. Society and the State trusted you with a license and a car, you should trust us (society and the State) to sort it all out. You have to trust the police to measure the skid marks correctly. You have to trust the District Attorney not to charge or prosecute. You have to trust the Judge to throw out a frivolous law suit.

Because driving carries such enormous risks, it is limited to those people who theoretically have the maturity and education to behave appropriately.*

Too bad we can't license sex.




*Yes. I know. There are a lot of idiots on the road.

Monday, September 19

IMHO: President Bush (Still) Snorts Cocaine

Bush must still be getting high. Often. It is the only explanation for his plan to completely rebuild the Golf Coast without raising taxes. Not only is he not going to raise taxes, but President Bush wants his temporary tax cuts to become law.

I'm a Republican. One reason I'm Republican is because I think many in Government like to waste money they didn't earn on pork projects no one needs. Therefore, I picked the party that pledged to take less of my money. I like my money. Little pixie fairies didn't give me my money. Mummy and Daddy didn't provide me with a trust fund. I have been poor and it sucked. It sucked eggs. Therefore, I'm very protective of my money.

The thought of local government using my dear, sweet money to finance some doctor's parking garage peeves me to no end. That state and national government see fit to use my beloved money to enable some slob, allergic to labor, to continue to sit on his/her lard ass for another generation or two keeps me up at night.

However, when my fellow Americans are suffering horribly after a catastrophe beyond their control... Yes, by all means, let me get my checkbook. I expect to feel at least a little pinch. I think most reasonable people do. Passing the entire $200 billion dollar burden (plus interest) on to my children and grandchildren by slapping the cost of Katrina recovery on to the national debt is inexcusable.

A small child recently asked me, "Why don't they just make more money so there won't be any more poor people?" I attempted to explain inflation by saying anything too plentiful wasn't likely to be valuable. You know what? The five year old got it. You know what else? Bush doesn't. Which is scary. Really scary. I don't want to think that our Commander in Chief is that stupid.

I choose to believe he is simply snorting tons of coke instead.

Saturday, September 17

Edgar relieved Blago deceived

Another day in Illinois, another politician and his cronies caught with their hands in the Teacher's Retirement Fund cookie jar. This time it is our beloved *snicker* Governor, Blago. He says he was completely clueless, he had no idea his underlings -who have already pleaded "guilty"- were doing. Even though I am a Republican*, I actually hope Blago is telling the truth because this crap is getting really old, and really embarrassing.

Illinois is the cesspool for dirty, greedy politicians. Other states have their share of political thieves, but it seems Illinois always has someone on the take. There is always an investigation, indictment, or trial underway in the land of Lincoln. We mostly have Chicago, the land of "Vote early and often!" to thank. However, the whole state pays the price.

In the meantime, if this scandal is handled properly by the ugly right, Jim Edgar can stand down. The Republican Party won't need the reluctant Edgar to run after all. Blago has become instantly beatable. Anyone remember JIM Ryan? JIM Ryan ran against Blago in the last election for Governor. JIM Ryan was Attorney General before Lisa Madigan was gifted the post. He was popular and scandal free. Why did he lose? Name confusion, for one. JIM Ryan was in no way related to GEORGE Ryan, our former scummy Governor with a trial underway, but they had the same last name. So, people assumed the worst.

Blago seized upon voter stupidity and launched a series of scummy t.v. ads trying to link JIM Ryan to the GEORGE Ryan scandal, accusing Attorney General Ryan of refusing to investigate Governor Ryan. In reality, the Governor Ryan was investigated/prosecuted at the Federal level. The State Attorney General office is, of course, out ranked by the feds.

But hey! All is fair in love and war. Look for the same half truths and out and out lies to be splashed across t.v. screens soon.

Paybacks are a bitch.


*(Kiss my fat conservative ass, Vonster. I'm a Republican with a brain.)

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