An open letter to Aaron Schock

My Dearest Aaron,

Just a few sage words of advice from an elder. We have become quite fond of you here in the 92nd District. You have made us very proud. Frankly, many of us voted for you because we were annoyed with that hag, Ricca. The shrew couldn't return a phone call. Electing someone so much younger and cuter was the perfect payback.

Who knew that you would be such a competent State Representative? What a pleasant surprise! I have enjoyed listening to you at various functions, and you make a far better speech than those much older and with more experience, especially that David Leitch. Aaron, do you smell alcohol on his breath? Have you noticed Davy sneaking a bottle under his desk in The House? It would certainly explain his constant slurred speech. Ah, but I digress.

Aaron, we would hate to lose you here in the 92nd District. You have worked hard and you are very responsive to your constituents. In your short reign, you have been successful in passing every bill you sponsored. You provide reading parties and Health Fairs for children. You have gone above and beyond, dear boy.

Aunty Polly wants to encourage you to to think of the competition, not the title, when deciding your political future. You are a sweet, and humble boy. Your mother raised you well. I know running for State Senate seems a bit arrogant and egotistical after only serving in The House for eight months. Yet, the stars have fallen into some strange, quacky alignment and it will be much easier to beat Koehler for Shadid's seat than Spears for the one you currently hold. I know you've worked hard. I know it isn't fair. But Honey, he is a Democrat and you represent a heavily Democratic area. Remember, you only beat The Shrew by a few hundred votes- even with all that Republican money to back you up. Plus, Billy Spears is beloved. Yes, you are loved too Aaron, but we've known Billy for years and years and he has bought most of us a drinky poo or two.

I don't like that Koehler fellow. Arrogant brat, that one. Thinks he is entitled to Shadid's seat. Humph! We will just see about that! Mr. Koehler thinks Shadid "groomed" him for the Senate. I don't think so. Shadid was a conservative Democrat. Koehler is way to lefty for comfort.

Yes, Aaron, if we had our druthers we would like to give you more time to ripen and mature in The House. We just don't always get our way, Dear, and it behooves us to see the writing on the freakin' wall and go for the seat we are most likely to win.

Think about it, Lovey. Besides, if you won a Senate Seat, you would get a break from campaigning so often. That would leave you more time to find a nice girlfriend... or whatever.

Much Love,

Aunty Polly

Blago is Nuts

Blago is insane. It is the only explanation for his behavior. Our governor had to borrow big money -actually he forced Topinka to do it- in order to pay very overdue bills the State owes to doctors and medical facilities.

What is the responsible, logical step to take after stealing state worker pensions to fund the budget and then borrowing to pay the State's most basic bills?

Of course! Voluntarily provide healthcare coverage to at least 58 million people. I would love to provide medical insurance to everyone who can't afford it, especially children. However, I am simply not in a position to do so. Guess what Rod? Neither are you, or the State of Illinois under your "leadership!"

What to expect next? A vote to end world hunger? Pay off the National Deficit? Buy the world a Coke and a smile?

You know how Willy Nilly despises LaHood? I despise Gov. Rod Blago even more. I had the pleasure of watching Blago's head swell in Springfield this week after this insurance scam victory. This gas bag has got to go.

The GOP better find somebody good. Pronto.