An Exceedingly Long Post Regarding Washington Gifted (Puke) School.

My neighbor's fourth grade son recently found out that he got into Washington Gifted Middle School. Jordan and his parents have been graciously low key about it. I wouldn't have known had I not noticed that Jordan has taken on the appearance of a true tween as of late, no longer willing to wear the well coordinated and clean attire that his mother previously picked for him. Lately, I would guess that Jordan picks his clothes out of the garbage dumpster located behind Goodwill. Poor hygiene and tattered clothes... key ingredients of a healthy heterosexual American male. Jordan is only ten, and thus a bit ahead of schedule.

Anyhoo, a couple of weeks back I was pulling weeds in my yard and watching Jordan shooting baskets in his driveway. It dawned on me that Jordie was no longer a cute puffy cheek little kid that could be bought off with a slightly burnt chocolate chip cookie. Instead, Jordan has become a sloppy, slouchy, sullen pre-teen. Angst without a cause. Cool without a clue. What fond memories. My mother is still in therapy.

"Hey Jordy!" I say with a smile and the sin of enthusiasm.

"Um, Ms. Polly? Like, nobody calls me that."

"They don't? Not even your mom?"

"Especially not my mom. Jeeze!"

"So, what do you go by these days?"

Ew. Polly made the mistake of trying too hard with a tween. I am screwed. This kid will definitely be throwing reams of toilet paper in my trees sooner rather than later. It was an honest mistake. I really thought the boy was going to tell me he had a street name to accessorize his recently acquired swagger.

The boy tilted his head back, sighs as if the world's problems rested on his shoulders alone, and gave me an eye roll before muttering a disgusted reply. "My name, Ms Polly. I go by my name. You know, Jordan?"

Polly can speak tween. Really, I can. One merely need to pretend that enunciating and projecting one's voice in a polite manner is as irritating and inconvenient as, say, plucking one's nose hairs.

"Yeah. Right. Jordan. Whatever. Middle school next year?"

"Yup."

"Which one?"

"Washington."

Polly is able to stop herself before saying something tragically uncool. You know, something to the effect of a perky "Congratulations!" or worse, "Your parents must be so proud!"

Instead, I opted for, "No surprise there." Perfect. Now the pre-pube has no idea how to respond in a hip manner.

After a brief pause Jordan shrugs and mutters, "Guess."

"Christy going too?" Christy is Jordan's twin sister who recently fell in love with her hair. Every time I see her, Christy has a hair brush in hand, pulling it through her mane. Yesterday I witnessed Christy brushing her hair while dragging a bag of garbage to the curb.

"Nope. Chris wouldn't even take the tests. She says Washington is a dank nerd hole."

"Is it?"

"I dunno. Orientation is tonight."

"Going?"

"I dunno. My dad's plane got delayed in Chicago. Mom has to work."

Polly has deep sympathy for anyone who must travel for a living. Lately, airports have come to resemble corporate cattle ranches. Substitute cattle for exhausted ticket holding business travelers and ranchers for airline employees who couldn't give a rat's ass about the people they are paid to serve and you'll get the picture. Except that I imagine ranchers actually care more about the well being of cows they are about to kill. But I digress...

"I could drop you off if your Dad doesn't get back in time."

"Um. That'd be okay."

Polly's good deed was really just an excuse to give up on exterminating my dandelions, plus I saw a rare opportunity to actually acquire a little knowledge on a topic -Peoria Public Schools- that I blog about rather often.

Say what you will about District 150. Poor schools, poor test scores, under achieving students, dilapidated buildings, etc. The very best middle school in the state is a District 150 school. Right here in little old Piddly Peoria. Washington Gifted Middle School. This fact made me proud until I attended to the orientation.

I imagined that Washington would consist of students that lived throughout the City, including the Southside and East Bluff of every color and socio-economic level. Ha! I saw two black kids in attendance. There were no kids from Loucks or Harrison. One from Whittier. Just about every kid hailed from Kellar, Charter Oak, or Northmoor Edison. It would seem that Washington Gifted could be more aptly named NORTH Peoria Gifted.

I learned that a combination of scores and factors are used to deem a child worthy of acceptance to Washington Gifted. The ITBS (Iowa Test of Basic Skills), Cognitive Abilities Test, as well as the Weschler Intelligence Scale test (an I.Q. test) as well as grades and teacher recommendation are required. I find it odd that one needs to do well on an I.Q. test to get into Washington, but not to get into Harvard University. It would seem District 150 doesn't just want hard working, high achieving performers, but those who are organically intelligent as well. In other words, DNA gets the nod. Puke.

Think I'm over blowing it? Consider this. Principal Joan Wojcikewych opening remarks included the statement, "Children, you should thank your parents for being here and admitted to Washington. Studies have proven time and again that gifted children come from gifted parents." I thought this was a joke, until I noticed that I was the only one in the room chuckling. Why would it be a joke? Ms. Wojcikewych felt the need to inform us that she had birthed and raised five gifted children herself. Puke.

It was an evening of gifted this and gifted that. Gifted. Gifted. Gifted. Got really sick of the word after about five minutes. I imagined that Washington would be the a place where kids who loved school and academics would have a place to shine and pursue their interests. More experiments and projects instead of pop quizzes and tests. Less need for discipline and greater freedom to explore. Forget that.

We were informed that a Washington eighth grader received one point short of a perfect score on the ACT test this year. ACT test? The scores used when applying for college? Why would an eight grader be taking the ACTs?! We heard how well Washington prepares kids for honors high school courses, ACTs, SATs and college. High school? College? Hello! THESE KIDS ARE TEN!!! Let them be kids for Pete's sake!

As for discipline, we were informed that five students were boot kicked out of Washington for poor performance last year. Not even a veiled threat. Gosh, so if your DNA doesn't live up to expectations they remove you from the better stock? THESE KIDS ARE TEN!!! Why would anyone want to put that kind of pressure on fifth graders? Puke. Puke. Puke.

Think I'm misinterpreting? Consider the following handout that was included in the orientation packet. Remember, this handout was given to those who had already been ACCEPTED to Washington Gifted.

HOW CAN YOU IDENTIFY A GIFTED CHILD? (Note: The Principal called special attention to this flyer. She wanted us to know that there is a difference between being gifted and "just being bright." Puke.)

The Bright Child...........................................The Gifted Child

Knows the answers.................................................Asks the questions.
Is interested......................................................Is highly curious.
Is attentive.....................................Is mentally and physically involved.
Has good ideas.................................................Has wild, silly ideas.
Works hard..............................................Plays around, yet tests well.
Answers the questions................................Discusses in detail, elaborates.
Is in top group..................................................Is beyond the group.
Listens with interest.............................Shows strong feelings and opinions.
Learns with ease.......................................................Already knows.
Needs 6-8 repetitions for mastery................Needs 1-2 repetitions for mastery.
Understands ideas............................................Constructs abstractions.
Enjoys peers..........................................................Prefers adults.
Grasps the meaning..................................................Draws inferences.
Completes assignments.............................................Initiates projects.
Is receptive..............................................................Is intense.
Copies accurately...............................................Creates a new design.
Enjoys school........................................................Enjoys learning.
Absorbs information..........................................Manipulates information.
Is a technician.......................................................Is an inventor.
Is a good memorizer................................................Is a good guesser.
Enjoys straightforward sequential presentation.............Thrives on complexity.
Is alert.........................................................Is keenly observant.
Is pleased with own learning.................................Is highly self-critical.

If you believe the above and your child is hard working, well adjusted, has good sense of self worth and is a top student... well, your offspring is simply not good enough for Washington Gifted.

On the other hand, if your kid is a genius due to biology, is socially retarded and highly self critical, and is one who "plays around, yet tests well...." Your kid is in the right place.

Puke. Puke. Puke. Biology over hard work? What are these people thinking?! Eugenics? Moreover, in this era of Bush's No Child Left Behind, how is it fair to take the best and the brightest out of schools like Lindberg and Mark Bills and place them in Washington? Doesn't that hurt "regular" schools which must show improvement every year on test scores in order to remain off the watch list?

I was a proud fan of Washington Gifted before I went to the orientation. Now I'm rather horrified. We don't live in a gifted world. Are we doing these kids any favors by having them off by themselves, alone with their "own kind" for four years? If these kids "prefer adults to peers" and spend their days with those who do as well, don't they run the risk of being social outcasts when they reach high school? Using these standards to determine who is and isn't gifted might really be setting these kids up for a lot of pain and disappointment rather than providing an enlightened education.

The orientation packet contained an enrollment form. The very first word on the form in uppercase bold letters "Washington", followed by the words "State" and "Background" were all spelled incorrectly. No. I'm not kidding. Apparently District 150's spellcheck isn't gifted.