Holy Mother of God! You must act now! Time is running out! These prices will never be seen again! No reasonable offer refused! No credit check!

My father is the cheapest man alive. He never picks up the check. When my mother leaves a tip for a waitress at a restaurant, he waits until her back is turned and then steals it. The only way my mom could ever get consent to make a major purchase - say a lamp - was to wear him down. She wouldn't stop talking about the lamp. She would find a way, no matter how inappropriate, to insert it into every conversation. "Your best friend died today? That's sad. You know George would have loved the lamp I want. He always was a great fan of good lighting." Pictures of the lamp would appear wrapped in a napkin with Dad's sliverware at the dinner table. His eyes would take in the lamp first thing upon waking in the morning as a picture of the lamp would be taped to the alarm clock. A picture of the lamp would be posted on the bathroom door so Dad could ponder it while using the toilet. Eventually Mom would always win. "Damn it Donna, buy the thing already. I just don't want to hear about it any more." The strategy was annoying as hell but fool proof.

Apparently this is City Council's strategy regarding the possible purchase of the water company. Citizens overwhelming voted not to buy it, but council continues to investigate it. We have heard our rates will go up, but now Third District Councilman Bob Manning - CPA and auditor extraordinare - has taken another look at the books. He sees something no one else has seen before (despite a VERY expensive investigation process). Our rates might go down! No matter what it will profitable! But we must act NOW before interest rates go up and the deadline passes! Starting to sound like one of those obnoxious used car commericals, eh? I get so sick of hearing stupid announcers yelling at me on t.v. and radio that I would be willing to buy a lemon if I never had to endure another one.

The residents of Denver, Colorado will soon be paying an eight percent increase on their water bills. Why? Because they have been dutifully CONSERVING water. Frankly, I didn't see it on my last visit, Denverites water their sidewalks. I think Colorado has simply recieved Illinois' share of rain. The City of Denver owns the water company and is dependent on it as a source of revenue. So, if residents don't use enough water,although they are required by law to conserve it, the City is screwed. If Denver's water company was privately owned the City could just say "Sorry Suckers. No rate hike for you. Tell your investors too bad so sad." However, since Denver needs the revenue, residents will be punished for being evironmentally responsible.

So, about Peoria's possible purchase of the water company... BUY THE DAMN THING ALREADY!!! I just don't want to hear about it anymore.