Thursday, February 2
It's Official: I Am An Evil Dorkwad
I'm writing a book. The title: Evil Dorkwad Bosses and How They Get That Way
Those of you who keep up know that my former evil dorkwad boss beat me to the chase and quit before I got the chance. So, fate being a true pain in the butt, I inherited his old job and title.
What was that saying about walking a mile in someone else's shoes before judging them? I wanted to be nice. I wanted to boost morale. Okay, mostly I just hate control top pantyhose and high heels. So, I re-instituted a casual dress code.
If it were up to me, employees could show up in a G-string for all I care. As long as they come to work nearly on time and give a good solid eight, seven, even six hours of effort a day, I'm happy.
One rule. The company's national charter states: Absolutely no denim. None. Ever. This is a non-profit and the justification is that donors are not as likely to write big checks if employees are lazing around in jeans. Whatever. I don't make this rule, I simply have to implement it. If someone from corporate H.Q. walks in and finds an employee in a pair of Levis, it is my ass on the line.
So, I put out the following memo:
Casual dress will hence forth be allowed. Khakis, Slacks, even tennis shoes are okay. T-shirts are allowed as long as they have no writing on them. However, JEANS AND DENIM -ANY TYPE- ARE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN AT ALL TIMES. Anything article of clothing even remotely resembling denim, including chambray shirts, can not be worn to the office.
Because I don't want to treat adults like children and send employees home to change or "write them up" over something as asinine as what they wear, I also included the following warning:
Any employee who wears any form of denim to the office will be responsible for ruining the new casual dress code for everyone.
Three days. It lasted three freakin' days. Today, one guy wore a denim button down shirt, and the receptionist wore jeans. Her excuse? "Uhm, but they're, like, capris."
Today's memo:
Due to apparent confusion and/or inability to follow simple guidelines, "casual dress" is hereby rescinded. Beginning tomorrow, Friday, February 3rd, employees must return to professional dress (suits, ties, dress shoes, etc.). I sincerely apologize to those employees who enjoyed and adhered to the former casual dress code.
Come and Get It Kids! Lunch is Served.
There were times in my childhood when my parents were broke. Not homeless broke, but definitely hurting broke. Occasionally, my dad would get laid off and we would have to make due with what he received from unemployment and my mom's meager secretary pay to get by. During those times I qualified and received free hot lunches from my public school. When times got really tough, those lunches were the best and most complete meal of my day. I'm lucky Aramark wasn't in charge of the school lunch program back in the seventies. If they had, I think I would have been better off scavenging food from garbage cans.
My niece celebrated her 8th birthday yesterday. As a special treat I ate lunch with her in the school cafeteria along with her class. Can I tell you? Second grade is a magical time. All the kids were adorable. The lunch, however, was nasty. Have you noticed nearly every week there seems to be another epidemic of barfing kids that consumed District 150 lunches? No big mystery as to why. Just look at the menu.
The entree: Breadsticks with Marinara Sauce. That's it. The breadsticks were stale and the marina sauce wasn't even red. There was also some canned fruit, unrecognizable in origin. I took a taste of this "fruit" as the children looked on, all shouting a chorus of, "EEEEEWWWW!!!" It tasted like rust. The best and most nutritious part of the lunch was the chocolate milk.
I was gulping Pepto for the rest of the day.
I took a menu and was shocked to see some other meals planned for the month. February 8th: Soft Pretzel w/"Cheese" Sauce. February 9th: Waffles with margarine and syrup for lunch. February 22: French Toast Sticks - no mention of syrup, for lunch.
These lunches cost a $1.50. Aramark can't provide much and still make a profit. However, profit was not the objective when the school lunch program was created. It was created to make sure that kids got at least one healthy, square meal a day. These lunches don't qualify. For the most part, the kids who received hot lunch drank the milk and dumped the rest. Kids also had the option of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches they made themselves at a station set up in the corner of the cafeteria. To say this practice is unsanitary would be an understatement. I don't want to even think about how many e-coli germs were on the peanut butter jar. Does Aramark really believe kids thoroughly wash their hands after using the bathroom?
District 150 should dump Aramark. If need be, the District should raise the price of meals in order to provide something edible. I would be hard pressed to provide a healthy sack lunch that only cost $1.50 to make. Kids who qualify can still get free lunch.
When I was a kid there were some hot lunch offerings I actually looked forward to. Pizza. Ravoli. Pigs in a blanket. (The blanket -bread- was homemade. The whole school smelled like bread baking.) I always dreaded turkey with gravy and haystacks, although I never felt sick after consuming them.
If you have a kid in District 150 and have the ability, send them to school with a sack lunch. Trust me. I feel really bad for kids who only have Aramark meals to look forward to everyday.
Most dogs in this country eat better. Much better.
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