HEELY! HEELY! HEELY!

Polly has found the cure for depression, PMS, Dumb Democrats, Dirty Republicans, Erectile Disfunction, PJ Star Editorials, Dork Wad Bosses, Lazy Ass Co-Workers, Terrorism, Locusts, Morbid Obesity, EVERYTHING. It isn't a magic pill. It isn't a frontal lobotomy (did I spell that right? Er, Eyebrows, help me out.) Anyway, every affliction known to mankind -except crappy spelling- SOLVED!!! Everyone, get out your credit cards. Go to Zappo.com and buy yourself a pair of HEELYS. No, you're not too old. Yup. They make em in grown up sizes. If my Christmas bonus doesn't completely suck ass (and it will) I'm gonna buy the entire City Council a pair. FUN! FUN! FUN! Why didn't somebody come up with this sooner?! Cutie Pie UPS driver delivered my pair today. Can I tell you? Fun AND an awesome work out. No, not sex. Get your mind out of the gutter, Bill. HEELYS. My thighs and arse feel slimmer and trimmer already and it's FUN. Scarlet better watch out. If my thighs get any stronger I might accidentally rip her head off some night.

You know who would really enjoy a pair of these? DeWayne Bartels. DeWayne, Buddy, forget scuba diving, and star gazing... Snoozeville! HEELY! HEELY! HEELY! I was suppose to cook the turkey tomorrow, but my kitchen isn't big enough to HEELY in, so I'm rolling on down to Schnucks now to buy a pathetic pre-cooked T-day meal. Let the inlaws partake of the nasty greenbean casserole. BTW, if you dump a can of creamed anything in food, well, that ain't cooking. You want creamed green beans? Try REAL CREAM. Oh, never mind. HEELY! HEELY! HEELY!

I may never blog again, I'm so filled with fun and mirth. Happy HEELY!!!