Cheap Tricks for Hits

Bill Dennis advised blogger PeoriaDad to:

"Use the words "kelly monaco nude pics" a couple of times. Your hit counts will rise!"

Then, on today's PeoriaPundit, Bill informs us that his blog received twice as many hits after running a post with the words Emily Stern.
Kelly Monaco nude pics? Who is Kelly Monaco? Why is Kelly Monaco nude? Who took pictures of Kelly Monaco nude? I'm not sure Kelly Monaco posing nude is such a good idea.

What's up with Emily Stern? Her Dad, Howard Stern isn't enough of a pervert for the family? Actually, I understand Emily Stern refused to do a play where she would have to appear nude. Emily Stern appearing nude? Why would Emily Stern be nude? Why would Emily Stern do such a thing? Emily Stern, don't pose for nude pics, keep your clothes on, Emily Stern. Show your father, Howard Stern, that at least one family member has a little class.

You know, the whole bloggersite hit count is kind of inflated. Yeah, I might get between 70-98 hits per day. However, if you look at how long most spent actually viewing the blog, it is less than one second. Yeah, just long enough to see there are not, in fact, any nude pictures of Emily Stern or Kelly Monaco nude pics.

To be honest, I only get about thirteen serious readers a day. Actually, probably more like ten, because a few visit more than once a day. Unemployed apparently.

Anyway, I adore all nine of you...

and Kelly Monaco - nude or not - and Emily Stern, nude or not.

The Upside of the High Cost of Heat.

Good afternoon from my bathroom. Yes, I am posting from The John. Before you run away, screaming, "Too much information!", allow me to explain. I am fully clothed. I am not in the midst of any sort of personal hygiene or bodily function.

I am simply cold.

I got my CILCO bill. Holy Mother of God, what a shock! Even though I was warned for months and months, I was still shocked. Thus, I have turned down the thermostat and put on dorky long underwear, added another comforter to the bed. Still wasn't enough.

My bathroom has a ceiling heater/fan/vent. It's old, probably installed in the 80's and more than a bit loud, but the heater works well. I'm thinking it's cheaper to just heat this tiny room than the entire house. I may just hibernate in here until next Spring. Thank God for laptops and cordless phones. Just need to haul in a sleeping bag and one of those dorm fridges.... Ew! Food in the bathroom. That would be going too far.

The media is reporting that hybrid car sales are going up as the cost of gasoline continues to stay high. As heating and cooling bills rival mortgage payments as an expense, do you think Americans will start downsizing their homes? Homes are much smaller in Europe than America. The walk-in closets in many newer American homes are probably larger than most master bedrooms in Europe. Energy and gas have been far more expensive over there for decades.

I wonder, if this trend continues, will America become a country of "flats?" Look on the bright side. If we are forced to downsize our homes and our cars, perhaps our bodies will be next. Maybe our biggy size accommodations encourage our biggy American obesity rate.

Forced to spend much more on the basics of comfort, maybe Americans will buy less crap. If you have to downsize from a 2,000 square foot home to a 800 square foot condo, you might think twice before buying that second set of Christmas dishes on sale at Kohl's.

If more children have to share bedrooms with their siblings, perhaps there won't be as much room for toys. Thanks to huge retailers like Walmart and Toys R Us, toys are cheap, kids have more than they can play with. I was at a kid's birthday party a couple months back. Mom invited the entire class. The kid actually got bored unwrapping presents.I'm wondering if the motive behind the trend of kids asking for donations to charity instead of birthday presents are actually parents sick and tired of taking their lives into their own hands every time they go to open a closet door.

Ever watch "Clean Sweep" on cable? This show finds people who can't throw away anything, but continue to buy more of everything, until they are living in a habitat filled from floor to ceiling full of merchandise with a path barely wide enough to walk through. The Clean Sweep team comes in, makes the homeowners throw everything they don't use away, and voila! Home makeover complete. Well, by using funds from a garage sale of the unwanted crap (where unsuspecting hoarders of crap come and buy more crap even cheaper than the crap they already own) to paint and refurbish the home.

Maybe it is good heat, electric, and fuel are expensive because clothes are too cheap. Think about it. No one darns socks anymore. You get a hole in your socks, you pick up a twelve pack at Walmart to replace it. I have way too many clothes. Few that I bought myself. I am the recipient of many hand-me-downs from girlfriend shopholics who need more room for their textile crap. I have received brand name clothes with the tags still on them. I saw a magazine article a few years ago that stated modern women spend much more time doing laundry than her pioneer sisters did 100 years ago. Makes sense. How many clothes would you own if you had to beat your clothes clean on a rock in the river instead of the oversized Maytag?

Electronics. Way too cheap. I used to have a "junk drawer" full of cords, batteries, chargers, etc. Now I have an entire moving box full of electronic crap. I could easily throw it out and not miss any of it, but then I feel major guilt for even considering putting that much toxic crap in a landfill. If cell phone upgrades were much more expensive, maybe I would not have four old, unused ones.

There should be laws about the crap businesses give away. I have three calculators in electronic junk box from different businesses. Four watches. BTW, Who would wear a Sherwin Williams watch? Freebies. Junkbies, really.

Prizes in Happy Meals should be outlawed. At the very least they should be given by request only. Very few kids actually play with the toys. The ones that do play with it for about thirty seconds and then the toy becomes landfill. Non biodegradable landfill.

On the internet you can find a million articles on ways to clean out the clutter, clean out your closets, clean out your life. Many have pictures. You know why the closets on Martha Stewart look so good? They are sparse and spacious. Sparse equals clean. Clutter equals claustrophobia.

My New Year's resolution is to only purchase items I will use. Preferably repeatedly. Even better, frequently. If my heating bill continues to be this high I will be forced to actually keep this year's resolution. I will not nickel and dime money away on crap that clutters my life and habitat or anyone else's. When someone invites you to a gathering and says, "Please don't bring anything, just yourself." They may actually be saying, "I have enough crap, thank you."

Huh. The upside of higher taxes and energy costs might just be a higher standard of living.