I AM NOT A CRUSTY, BITTER, OLD LADY!!!

Heterosexual males, skip this post and go here, instead.

Ladies, Polly had a little midlife crisis/psychotic break last month. First wrinkle. Okay, I had "laugh lines" around my mouth for years, but those don't count. No, I got a wrinkle. A bitter,crusty old lady type wrinkle jutting from my upper lip. I considered Botox but reconsidered after discovering a.) it involved having needles plunged into my face, and b.) Health insurance wouldn't cover it -even though Botox is considerably cheaper than psychotherapy- but whatever. The fact that Botox contains a deadly bacteria that has been known to kill people was of no concern. Hey! Did I mention we are talking about a serious bitter, crusty old lady wrinkle here?

Anyhoo, went to my local Sam's Club where I purchased a tube of this.
Can I tell you? The stuff is fabulous! Wrinkle? What wrinkle? Gone Sister! Plus my skin is soft and smooth as a (human) baby's behind. If you pursue this method of anti-aging, be warned, all unworthy skin cells will literally fall off your face. For a day or two I was actually molting.

Russ to Polly, "Good Morning, Dear. Can I bring you some coffee?"

Mmmm. Yes. Yes you can.

Good Morning, Mr. Dennis.

Just a little Sunday Morning eye candy of Bill Dennis' ex-wife.



Huh. Bill probably won't need a cup of coffee to wake up. Cold shower, maybe...

Damn women drivers!

I admit it, I'm a horrible sexist. If this had been a story about a husband running over his wife with a van, I'd assume he had a long history as a wife beater and I'd want him locked up for life, skip the trial. However, since it is a wife running over her husband -repeatedly no less- I automatically think, "I wonder what he did to deserve that?"

The woman was charged with Aggravated Battery. Really? You think? I wonder why not attempted murder?

Gentlemen, just a little unsolicited advice from Aunty Polly. The cliche, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

True.

Totally and completely true.

Ethel! Quick! Grab the plunger!

Is it just me or does anyone else think this water feature in Peoria Heights' Tower Park is reminiscent of an overflowing toilet?



I'm just saying.

To Mayor Ardis, With respect and love, Polly

Dear Mayor Jimmy,

You have had to endure a lot silly flack from a group of individuals who have nothing better to do than criticize you for being NICE. By allowing a group of citizens access to the City Council Chambers -during off hours- to pray for their elected leaders, some think you violated the constitution. (The Mayor didn't FORCE them you twits!) I guess allowing a group of Brownie Scouts in City Hall to make three wishes would be okay, but to pray... Perish the thought! I'm not particularly religious, but I'm also not threatened by those who are.

Normally, I hate chain e-mails. I really like this one, however, which was sent to me anonymously this morning. Oughta give the whiners something to think about:

THE LAW IS THE LAW

So if the US government determines that it is against the law for the words "under God" to be on our money,

then, so be it.

And if that same government decides that the "Ten Commandments" are not to be used in or on a government installation,

then, so be it.

And since they already have prohibited any prayer in the schools, on which they deem their authority,

then so be it.

I say, "so be it," because I would like to be a law abiding US citizen.

I say, "so be it," because I would like to think that smarter people than I are in positions to make good decisions.

I would like to think that those people have the American Publics' best interests at heart.

BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I'D LIKE?

Since we can't pray to God, can't Trust in God and cannot Post His Commandments in Government buildings,

I don't believe the Government and it's employees should participate in the Easter and Christmas celebrations which honor the God that our government is eliminating from many facets of American life.

I'd like my mail delivered on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving & Easter.

After all, it's just another day.

I'd like the US Supreme Court to be in session on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving & Easter as well as Sundays. After all, it's just another day.

I'd like the Senate and the House of Representatives to not have to worry about getting home for the "Christmas Break." After all it's just another day.

I'm thinking that a lot of my taxpayer dollars could be saved, if all government offices & services would work on Christmas, Good Friday & Easter.

It shouldn't cost any overtime since those would be just like any other day of the week to a government that is trying to be "politically correct."

In fact....

I think that our government should work on Sundays (initially set aside for worshipping God...) because, after all, our government says that it should be just another day....

My significant other likes Catherine

No doubt about it, the woman is stunning. However, what is she doing with the Grim Reaper/Michael Douglas?

Some Saturday morning eye candy for the ladies...

Yeah. Go ahead. Let your significant other watch football. We've got Russell.

Most Brilliant Legal Manuever EVER: "Hey, Judge. Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah. I'm still open!"

Just what we needed on Veterans' Day, a brand new episode of "As the Grandview Turns...."


Just got back from driving by Peoria's beloved Grandview Hotel. Today is the day it is suppose to close, by Judge's orders, for 30 days. Guess what. It is wide open for business. In fact, to the untrained eye, it looks like more than just a few guests or employees are calling the Grandview home. Either someone forgot to check their calendar or somebody is sticking out their tongue at the Judge. Smooth move. I hear judges appreciate being ignored. Nonetheless, nearby neighbors should know by now, it will probably take the National Guard to shut the place down.

Absent were neighborhood protesters, City Police, City Hall Attorneys, City Manager Randy Oliver, New Owner Chase Ingersoll, Old Owner Kris Jain, Third District Councilman Bob Manning, or self appointed neighborhood advocate Angela Anderson.

Note to self. Microwave some popcorn. Watch to see who wins the race to get on television first. My money is on Ingersoll in a photo finish with Anderson.

Sex on T.V. is twice what it used to be,

so basically, we are all screwed.

C.J. Summers covered this first, I'm just jumping on the bandwagon. Forget the bird flu, it is a matter of moments before AIDs becomes airborne. With the media constantly portraying sex as no bigger deal than brushing one's teeth, why wouldn't every normal teen, pre-teen, or worse, tween want to give it a try as soon as the opportunity presents itself? I realize people are still arguing over whether violence in video games and on television shows de-sensitizes otherwise normal people into committing violent acts, but does anyone seriously doubt that Desperate Housewives has a profound effect on the sexual mores of your average teen?

I remember going to the movie theatre and seeing Risky Business in high school. Tom Cruise dancing around in his tighty whiteys did not send me into a lather or induce me into anyone's backseat. Risky Business did leave me with the feeling that my teen years were numbered. Those precious years when all could be forgiven -including, according to the movie- throwing wild prostitute parties while Mom and Dad were out of town. Tom Cruise was having sex on the staircase with prostitute Rebecca DeMornay shortly after drowning his father's Porsche in Lake Michigan. What was my great teen adventure/memory going to be? Sipping a warm can of beer with the debate team?

IMHO, the only thing the Christian right has correct is the need to give young America the vital message, "Your body is precious, don't just give it away." I don't see any daughter of mine attending a Purity Ball or insisting any my offspring take a "True Love Waits" oath, but I will be stressing -early and often- that sexual intercourse is not just another bodily function on equal footing with elimination, burping, or blowing one's nose. It is a message that will be continually challenged by Hollywood that rarely shows sex as unsatisfying, unattractive, or regrettable. Occasionally you will have a show with a troubled pregnant teen, or an episode of ER with a patient suffering the cruel consequences of AIDs. What you rarely see is two regular looking folks "getting busy" sharing pleasure the way most of us mortals experience it, quite nice but not worth risking your soul- let alone your life for.

I love how Hollywood wants us to believe the sexy among us always look like this:




When in reality, this:



is both more honest and accurate.

The movie Risky Business is tame by today's standards. I had to sneak into it, which was easily accomplished by buying a ticket for a G rated movie and simply walking into the room where my preferred film was showing. Risky Business is nothing compared to today's Desperate Housewives or even a commercial for Crest. If that movie could have such a profound effect on my actions as a naive teenager in high school, what can we expect the actions to be of today's youth bombarded by sex everywhere they turn? You don't even need money to buy a ticket or cable to watch Desperate Housewives.