Teens: Let them eat prozac.

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I spent the weekend haunted by the death of someone I never knew. The obituary listings last Friday included a story of a young woman, a teenager, who committed suicide. She was stunningly beautiful. Her list of causes and activities would lead one to believe she certainly had a life worth living. The article didn't report why she killed herself. She and her family are entitled to their privacy. I can't help but wonder what horrible pain made her feel that death would be a comfort. No doubt, the devil has a name and it is clinical depression. Depression to a teenager, I know from personal experience, seems like a never ending spiral downward. Society is woeful in addressing teen depression. Most kids will have to endure meaningless and insulting platitudes as, "This will pass, no one has to be a kid forever, it gets better."

What kind of therapist would be able to make a living if s/he told his patients, "Ah, chill out, in four years or so, you'll be happy."

Adults say these things because there are no easy answers. The type of cruelty that kids and teens hurl at each other would never be permitted in adult society. That's why God made lawsuits. Adults don't have to put up with harassment, sexual or otherwise, and there are attorneys anxiously awaiting your call if you want proof. If you don't want to pursue legal action, you have the right to update your resume and seek other employment. Yet, our kids are fodder and defenseless for all types of abuse. It isn't surprising that useless platitudes do little to soothe them. Moreover, given their experience, why should they believe life will get better?

My childhood was abusive and extremely lonely. Based on my life experience, it seemed perfectly reasonable that life would continue to, well, suck. I pinned hope on the moment I was released from the hell known as high school and could leave home. I got as far away as Greyhound could get me. A good decision. What I didn't know is that I had signed on for a life of poverty. Poverty was certainly easier to endure than my childhood, but incredibly stressful. I didn't have any reason to believe the gods were going to suddenly embrace me and make living worthwhile. If fate was willing to let an innocent kid suffer, why would fate be any friendlier to an adult?

I remember talking to my best friend one night long distance, "You know Cathy, I'm gonna give this life thing until I'm 21, and then that's it. I've given it a fair shot." At the time I was 19. I wasn't particularly upset, it seemed like a very logical statement.

Cathy's reply to me, "No Pol, our babies are going to play together!"

Flash forward sixteen long years later... I have everything I ever asked for. Marriage, family, wonderful friends, a comfy income, nice home, a purposeful and interesting life. None of these things seemed remotely possible when I was sixteen and my complexion resembled road kill.

As an adult you possess both the right and power to change your life. Of course, power given too young is a dangerous thing, but being absolutely powerless is a recipe for depression. If I had a teenager, I hope I could give him or her as much control over their lives as they could handle. As long as they are responsible, and their grades are good, does it really matter if they make their bed everyday or dye their hair blue? (Hint to any power seeking teen out there... Try anonymous blogging, it's a great way to relieve angst!)

Heartbreak is especially painful as a teen. Any parent who believes a teen can't fall in love -true, real, and important love- is a fool. Those who toss out, "There are more fish in the sea" or, "You'll get over it" are courting disaster. Anyone who utters anything about hormones or puppy love outta be smacked. I hope I would be able to look my teenager in the eye and say, "I know you really, truly love John/Joan. I can see you are in pain. What I can do?" As a teenager you don't know for a fact that you will ever fall in love again, making the loss even more unbearable. Most adults who divorce fall in love again, but that doesn't make the divorce a less painful or traumatic event.

Society is in the dark ages regarding depression. If you are diabetic, few people think less of you for injecting insulin. Your body doesn't make enough, medication is necessary. During depression the brain fails to produce enough of the right neurotransmitters that make life worth living. Yet, these sufferers are often made to feel inferior if they seek therapy or antidepressants.

In the course of a meaningful life everyone will experience deep, profound sadness and loss. Like back pain, all humans will likely suffer from clinical depression at one time or another. The strong, smart, mature, and powerful will seek out help. True friends, a loving family, and an educated society will gladly give it.

To any suffering teenager out there, it does get better, I promise. A crappy score on the ACTs, flunking a semester of college, an unexpected pregnancy, parents who don't (and never will) "get it", or losing who you thought was the love of your life are all survivable.

At some point your life will become your very own.

Expedite the transition by getting help.
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