Hey Boss, I'll pick my own charities, thank you.

I want to be careful here. Yes, Polly is going to make a rare attempt to be sensitive! I like charity. Well, I like some charitable organizations, that is. Some charities have the ethics of Enron. Anyone remember a few years back when it was discovered one huge charity's CEO not only reaped a fat salary but was driven to meetings in a limo at the Charity's expense? I give my money to those causes that touch my heart, meet my required ratio of dollars spent to benefit those in need vs. Administration costs, and those charities that support causes I find moral and just.

So, this is Christmas. Everywhere I go, there seems to be a cover charge. Some poor freezing soul ringing a bell is standing outside the door of every nearly every retail business, soliciting our spare change, each and every time we need a gallon of milk from the grocery store, a prescription from the pharmacy, a new coat for junior at the mall. Fine. But has anyone else noticed that these folks are getting a bit aggressive?

Yesterday I went to the grocery store with only a twenty dollar bill, fresh from the ATM, for the sole purpose of paying for my purchase. At the entrance stood Mom and teenage daughter vehemently/obnoxiously ringing the bell. It was my intention to hit the kettle on my way out with change left over from my purchase. However, after failing to donate on my way in, I received a very loud and sarcastic, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Okaaaay. There is a difference between charitable giving and extortion, right? I was entering a grocery store and not Neiman Marcus, who is this person to assume I am even in a position to donate? What does she know about my personal financial situation?

I can forgive because I know I would be a bit cranky if I was stuck outside in the freezing cold ringing a bell for hours. Although I do love (insert sarcasm here) when corporate departments announce the fact they are out ringing the bells or doing the good works. Lately I've seen banners propped over the kettles that read, "The Service Department at Joe Blow Automotive and the Salvation Army want you to know that need has no season." Ah, we must have public credit and accolades for our charitable works now (otherwise known as advertising). Can anyone say, TACKY?

Another annoying tactic of charitable giving is at the office. My office is filled with crap, some of it expensive, that I don't need or want. All because co-workers have kids who are forced into fund raising. If you want to leave your kid's brochure soliciting a $12.00 1 ft x 1 ft roll of wrapping paper on the bulletin board in the cafeteria, fine. Actually going from desk to desk, co-worker to co-worker is inappropriate, even if you are doing it on your lunch hour. Frankly, how about you don't force me to donate to your kid's school and I won't force you to donate to my kid's soccer team? After all, don't our donations cancel each other out? It is my tradition to throw this un-used crap out at the first of the year in my annual office clean up. Typically I add at least one big, green Hefty size trash bag to the landfill of non-biodegradable crap I felt forced to buy. This year's eco hazard will include a case of popcorn, a roll of hideous wrapping paper, a tin of stale chocolate, an un-used sappy calendar, some smelly candles, a butt ugly poster of a puppy, a really stupid booklet of inspirational quotes ("The shortest distance between two people is a smile!), a faded ribbon magnet, two boxes of cookies -which I thought I would actually like but tasted like chemicals mixed with plastic-, and my personal favorite - a mug which states, "I support Jerry's Kids every day in every way." If I slurped my coffee from that mug at the office, wouldn't it be bragging? Why not just wear my tax return around my neck which sites all the causes I've supported throughout the year?

I'm sure all of these causes are worthwhile, but do I have to purchase crap instead of just handing over a few bucks? Since when did we send our kids to school in order to sell stuff instead of learn? Have no doubt, most of this is crap is forced on kids, who force it on parents to sell. Why not pay $45.00 bucks to join the soccer team instead of $20.00 and then send Junior out door to door to raise the rest? When I told an assistant that I really didn't have a need for more chocolate, as my ass is the size of Texas, but said, "I'd be happy to give money instead", she broke into a sweat and replied, "I don't think I'm allowed to do that."

I absolutely despise forced giving by my employer. If the corporation I work for wants to make a corporate donation to a cause, dandy. Matching gifts? Okay. What I find despicable is the practice of circulating sign up sheets to ring bells next to a kettle, help build a house, or an appeal to donate cash along with a memo from the boss, saying something to the effect of, "Our department has long been a generous supporter of X Charity. Please join me in continuing this tradition." You know your boss is going be looking at the list and checking it twice. The subliminal message, "Support my cause if you want me to support your career."

I go to work in order to do my job and make money. It is my employer's right to tell me what and how to do my job. It is completely inappropriate for my employer to even suggest how I should spend or donate MY money. It is a private matter. I'm sure my company would retort, "We are just trying to make it convenient for our employee to give to good causes." Yeah, thanks Boss, but you thought I was competent enough to hire, don't you think I can find the address for March of Dimes in phone book if I want to send them a check?

One big company in town has a long standing relationship with one big national charity. This charity has been taken to the mat in the past for overpaid executives. The charity also supports some controversial causes and neglects others. Regardless of your beliefs, should you feel that your career may suffer because you don't want to donate to a cause that supports Planned Parenthood but not the Boy Scouts? Maybe you want to give all you can to the Alzheimer's Association. The point is, how one chooses to spend and donate their time and money should be a private matter, not a career move.

Charity should be a heartfelt gift, not a bribe.