It's Official: I Am An Evil Dorkwad

I'm writing a book. The title: Evil Dorkwad Bosses and How They Get That Way

Those of you who keep up know that my former evil dorkwad boss beat me to the chase and quit before I got the chance. So, fate being a true pain in the butt, I inherited his old job and title.

What was that saying about walking a mile in someone else's shoes before judging them? I wanted to be nice. I wanted to boost morale. Okay, mostly I just hate control top pantyhose and high heels. So, I re-instituted a casual dress code.

If it were up to me, employees could show up in a G-string for all I care. As long as they come to work nearly on time and give a good solid eight, seven, even six hours of effort a day, I'm happy.

One rule. The company's national charter states: Absolutely no denim. None. Ever. This is a non-profit and the justification is that donors are not as likely to write big checks if employees are lazing around in jeans. Whatever. I don't make this rule, I simply have to implement it. If someone from corporate H.Q. walks in and finds an employee in a pair of Levis, it is my ass on the line.

So, I put out the following memo:

Casual dress will hence forth be allowed. Khakis, Slacks, even tennis shoes are okay. T-shirts are allowed as long as they have no writing on them. However, JEANS AND DENIM -ANY TYPE- ARE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN AT ALL TIMES. Anything article of clothing even remotely resembling denim, including chambray shirts, can not be worn to the office.

Because I don't want to treat adults like children and send employees home to change or "write them up" over something as asinine as what they wear, I also included the following warning:

Any employee who wears any form of denim to the office will be responsible for ruining the new casual dress code for everyone.

Three days. It lasted three freakin' days. Today, one guy wore a denim button down shirt, and the receptionist wore jeans. Her excuse? "Uhm, but they're, like, capris."

Today's memo:

Due to apparent confusion and/or inability to follow simple guidelines, "casual dress" is hereby rescinded. Beginning tomorrow, Friday, February 3rd, employees must return to professional dress (suits, ties, dress shoes, etc.). I sincerely apologize to those employees who enjoyed and adhered to the former casual dress code.