The one thing you can ALWAYS count on...

Put this in the same category as, "What goes up must come down."

District 150 will ALWAYS take the path of MOST resistance. ALWAYS. I'm still studying the new Glen Oak Park School/Disney Land Plan. I will concede up front that it has some REALLY, REALLY, good elements. It is forward thinking, which just might be the primary ingredient Peoria Public Schools require to get out of its current mess, so I'm not going to pooh-pooh it out of hand.

However, the TIMING (on the heels of the Edison vote) and the delivery (total lack of frugality) is awful. It's like the School Board enjoys alienating the public.

But then, I do think the majority of the Board is on drugs. I'm going to study this over the weekend and refrain from further comment until I know more.

Jeeze!

Best. Quote. Ever.

.

"Little girls ought to love themselves the way they are; grown women ought to know better." -Eyebrows McGee

Don't worry, she's being sarcastic. I tell you, the more I read this woman's blog, the more I want to be her. Don't worry Eyebrows, I could never match your nerdiness, and I don't have the energy to be a stalker.

Someday I hope you and Mr. McGee have a daughter.

Crack Smoking District 150 School Board Members.

Yup. Remember, you read it here first. The majority of the District 150 School Board must be on drugs, most likely of the highly addictive and hallucinogenic variety. The frequent use of said drugs would be the only logical explanation behind tonight's School Board meeting. It is no wonder why so many of our public schools are in serious trouble. It isn't the fault of the kids. The real problem is that the people at the helm are drug addicted numbskulls!!!

Tonight the School Board voted to renew the Edison contract for another year. Nifty. No problem. Lots of folks in red shirts showed up to support Edison. If one were to buy into the logic of Edison proponents, one would believe tht overnight all Edison students will become drug addicted retards, just like school board members, should the program be eliminated. Many a story of woe was heard of how District 150 could NOT afford to NOT continue with Edison. Apparently the parents of Edison students and other proponents fail to realize that Peoria's Blue Ribbon Schools and those Schools that meet or exceed State test score standards are not Edison schools. Nonetheless, four members of the School Board were convinced to fork over millions of more dollars it doesn't have in order to keep Edison around for another year.

Anyone else recall Alicia Butler on the evening news last week stating that the District had to fire 60 teachers it recently hired?! Must have been a wild dream or perhaps a contact high.

Yet, none of the above justifies my conclusion that school board members are smoking some mighty fine weed. What leads me to conclude that some board members are toking it up long and hard is that at this very same meeting these potheads also voted to borrow money in order to pay the District's bills. At a minimum, the loan will cost District 150 taxpayers $130,000 in interest. I seriously doubt it will cost us more than $132,000 because what idiot would borrow even more money in order to make payments on previous loans? My guess? Ganja loving school board members, that's who! It's the only thing that makes any sense.

You know, Edison may well provide an excellent education. A Mercedes Benz may very well be a superior car than the current pile of crap I currently drive. However, since there is no way in hell I can responsibly make payments on a Mercedes, I will continue to drive the aforementioned piece of crap for the foreseeable future. Most days the piece of crap I drive beats having to walk, but not always. If I insisted on driving a Mercedes I would be forced to rob a bank. Moreover, I would occasionally need to rob more banks in order to keep up with payments and maintenance on the Benz. Can you imagine the stress? You know, a slightly less deranged plan would be to rob a bank only once and either fix up the piece of crap car I currently own, or upgrade to a Tercel, maybe even a Camry. You know, basic reliable transportation.

Any parent in Peoria who has kids they love in public schools and can afford to move to Dunlap, Germantown Hills, or Metamora but hasn't is a fool.

From now on, I want every candidate for school board to submit to and publish the results of both a piss and an I.Q. test.

The Cows Still Won't Come Home - Lincoln Day Dinner 2006

More of a chicken than a cow, this pic of Oberweis is more flattering than he deserves.

Just returned from the Peoria Republican Lincoln Day Dinner. I want a law that no politician or want to be politician will be allowed to make a impromptu speech. If an impromptu speech is required, a timing device will be implemented and said Pol/Speaker will limit him/herself to three minutes. Five tops. I paid my $50.00. Let me eat already! Aaron Schock was the Master of ceremonies and the always respectful young lad came with a well prepared, rehearsed, and funny speech. Just about everyone else rambled on and on and on...

My favorite part of the evening was when Pat Ward sang "America the Beautiful." I don't know the woman, apparently she is a county board candidate for the First District. Can I tell you? The woman can sing. I loved her. Ms. Ward is African-American, came swathed in gold lame, and her voice and style would have done the best gospel choir proud. I nearly put my hands up in the air and started swaying. At the last second I regretfully realized that I was neither black or Baptist and that I was in a room filled to capacity with other uptight, timid white folks also on the verge of shouting, "Praise the Lord and/or Jesus!" Fortunately, we all controlled our repressed selves, but we did give Ms. Ward a standing ovation.

This event was advertised as a "Unity Dinner" and all four Republican candidates Governor for promised to come, regardless if they won or lost. I know. I figured it was worth the price of the ticket just to see if Oberweis and Gidwitz could face a room of fellow Republicans after blatantly and repeatedly breaking the 11th Commandment. (For "Independents," Democrats, and those too young or don't care to remember, Ronald Reagan decreed that No Republican shall speak ill of another Republican.)

Well of course, neither Gidwitz or Oberweis had the testicular fortitude to show. No big surprise, really. However, a Schock aide told me that Aaron originally called Oberweis and invited him to the Dinner, asking Oberweis to show only if he emerged the victor. Oberweis said, "Win or lose. I want to be at your Dinner. I will come no matter what." Thus, the event was hailed as a "Unity Dinner."

Oberweis was the first to cancel, the day after the primary. Heh. Gidwitz was a no show, still off somewhere licking his wounds. Bill Brady attended, sat at the head table, and gave a great speech for Topinka. Kinda got the feeling he would be making copies or licking stamps for her campaign starting tomorrow.

Gidwitz and Oberweis refused to sign the Republican Code of Campaign Ethics, which among other things, had candidates promise to abide by the 11 Commandment. Oberweis may have took second overall, but he did not do particularly well here. Neither did Gidwitz.

Many State big wigs were there. Schock, McKenna, Leitch, LaHood, Risinger, and Topinka (who was a bit over caffeninated/hyper and spoke for WAY too long). Fewer folks from the City attended. Mayor Ardis, George Jacob, and Patrick Nichting showed, but John Morris, Bob Manning, and Eric Turner were no shows. Morris missed an opportunity to cozy up to State party leaders!? Gosh, I sincerely hope there wasn't a death in the family or something. Oh, and Chuck Grayeb wasn't there either.

I didn't see Zan or David Ran$burg- even though they purchased a table. Neither were his (former?) buddies Teplitz or Thetford. In fact, of all the City politicians who ran this time last year and who repeatedly stated oh how important the Republican Party and Principles were to them- only Ardis and Nichting bothered showing up this year. As Ran$burg's Campaign Manager, Maloof was at the Dinner last year, but could not be bothered this year. I think mostly volunteers filled the room. Most people present had stuffed envelopes, made calls, written checks, etc. for people who, in hindsight, stood for self promotion and not for Republican ideals, beliefs, or principles.

I know, I know. Not shocking. Just disappointing.

There were some local politicians who were present tonight and who are present at just about every Republican function- regardless of who is at the helm. Merle Widmer, Reg Willis, Bonnie Gavin, Mary Haynes and as previously mentioned, Pat Nichting. If you're not Republican and maybe even if you are- you probably don't care. Maybe you don't appreciate the Party's ideals, and that's fine. I don't like all of them either. That isn't my point.

The elected and unelected are suppose to stand for something win or lose. Didn't they tell us they were running because they were scared for our City/County/State/Country and wanted to do anything to improve the situation? Didn't they say they loved our great City/County/State/Country and just wanted the opportunity to serve? Participate in the process? Make government better? Didn't they give us the feeling that were they not running for office they would be out collecting litter or working at a soup kitchen?

I know, I know. Not shocking. Just disappointing.

If Peoria Sucks, Chances Are, It's YOUR Fault.

An 82% chance, in fact.

Peoria have too much litter for you? Too many crappy sidewalks? Too much crime? Peoria's Public Schools not worthy of your genetic offspring? Well, since 82% of Peoria's registered voters could not bother to get off their pathetic, whiny, lard asses and vote yesterday, I don't see why the powers that be should be motivated to make the necessary changes. It's not as if the apathetic and lazy citizens they represent are likely to show up and boot kick them out their jobs.

UNLESS, of course, the weather is really nice and there is nothing good on T.V. Jeeze. I thought Midwesterners had CHARACTER. A chill in the air and a couple of inches of purty white stuff keeps Peorians from voting. Sad state of affairs if you ask me. Yes, I did vote yesterday. There was even a bit of a line. I noticed that every other voter at my polling station had at least thirty years on me. I would guess the median age of the average voter in my precinct yesterday was 72. The average age of election judge was probably 75. I got the feeling these seniors didn't care much for the new technology, but they were there regardless. They call it the Greatest Generation for a reason.

This is a quote from this morning's PJ Star:

"Voting is a privilege," said Bob Miller, 73, of Chillicothe. He was one of the few who braved the weather to vote. "The weather doesn't bother me."

No wonder why it is hard to get decent candidates. NO ONE CARES. If you want to get something done, NO ONE CARES. Okay, a measly 18% care, but does that make the crummy pay, constant media criticism, and time away from family worth it? Not likely. Springfield is attractive to the corrupt and vain for a reason...

NO BODY CARES!!!


Maybe Peorians can remove their heads from their apathetic, lazy asses for the General Election, but I'm not holding my breath.


(BTW I copied this pic from another blog early last week, but I can't remember whose. My apologies and hat tip to whoever first discovered it on Google.)

A Game You Just Gotta Try!!!

It's the Blago Game! Sure to bring hours, well, minutes anyway, of entertainment, education, and just plain fun.

At Last! A Nice Helping of Common Sense!

Yup. A new blog, and it's a doozy. Commonsense Peoria. I just discovered it today. Must say, "Commonsense Dude" comes out of the gate strong. All posts are interesting and well worth your time.

Polly Only Aims to Please

*
Because... Bill Dennis says what he really enjoys is...

CHICKS WITH NICE, BIG KNOCKERS...


Whatever gets you through the day, Buddy. I try not to judge...

NO EXCUSES!!! GET OFF YOUR LARD ASS AND VOTE!!!

I know it is snowing. I know it is cold. I know you are busy. I just don't give a rat's ass. We have young kids fighting and dying in Iraq every day trying to secure another country's right to have a say in their government, the least you can do is leave the comfort of your barcolounger or cubicle and let your opinion be known. Even if your opinion is wrong. It's not like you have to dodge bullets or anything. I really don't care if you have to wait in the cold for a bus or walk three miles in the snow. Chances are you don't, but even if you do, you carry far less of a burden than voters in other countries who turn out en mass for the opportunity to be heard.

There is no bigger shame or embarrassment than our country's poor voter turn out. Nothing does more to confirm the belief in the world's eye that Americans don't deserve/earn the freedom and opportunities we have than our inability to get off our collective arrogant and obese asses and get to the polls.

Besides, fellow blogger Eyebrows McGee is stuck being an election judge for about fifteen hours today and she will get paid a little bit of nothing to serve the pathetic few who bother to cast ballots. There are few jobs more tedious than election judge. She actually volunteered for the post. God bless you Eyebrows.

I feel for the candidates today. All that work, all that door-to-door knocking, shaking of hands, kissing babies, making calls, and then snow on election day. Strongly favored candidates have been known to lose due to a few flakes of snow. Lazy voters tend to think "Ah, I don't wanna brush the snow off my car. Topinka and/or Blago has it hands down anyway. I don't need to bother." Meanwhile the little known underdogs have die hard supporters who would be willing to duck gun fire to cast a ballot...

Go Edwin Eisendrath!!!

Polly Apologizes

I have been remiss about checking my blog e-mail. Too bad because there are some really great letters/ideas/new blogs/etc awaiting response in my virtual in-box. Life has been demanding lately, and I will respond to all of you eventually. Polly prizes both her fans and her enemies.

I especially want to apologize to Dr. John Carroll who has a new blog and also wrote me a letter I should have posted a long time ago regarding Peoria's lack of adequate fire/rescue service. I will do right by the issue Doc... just as soon as I can.

SA: I have posted regarding District 150 on more than a few occasions. I whole heartedly believe good, successful Peoria Public Schools are the key ingredient necessary to attract new businesses and tax paying brainacs to the area. In all fairness, I am related to a District 150 third grader who discussed fulcrums at length over dinner last night. After her lecture on fulcrums, she followed with a discussion of the mode, the mean and the median. These concepts were not introduced to me until college in my required physics and statistics courses... and even then they made me cry. I know District 150 first graders studying fractions. There are underachievers and problem schools in District 150, to be sure. There also good Peoria schools (Hines, Kellar, Charter Oak, Whittier to name a few), with dedicated teachers, parents, and students who accomplish and excel. We don't hear about them very often. Remember, the best middle school in the state is right here in Peoria- Washington Gifted.

Home of the Braves!

Wow!

Call me arrogant and/or superstitious, but since it worked so well the last two games, Polly predicts...

Memphis is gonna crush Bradley. Memphis is going to make the Braves cry like a group of lost pioneers surrounded by hostile Indians.

(Before anyone fire bombs my house, please read my previous post on this subject.)

A Dish and A Dis, Two Restaurant Reviews

Ate at Seven on Prospect last night, again. Good stuff. Always. I had the "Magnificent Seven" which is essentially every seafood known to man gathered in a tasty roma tomato sauce and slathered over pasta. My mouth waters at the memory.

Last night's dinner almost, but not quite, made up for the rather sorry dining experience I had earlier in the week at the new Basta Pasta also located on Prospect, and owned by the same folks who never fail to please me at Seven.

Basta Pasta blew. It blew chunks. I ordered the Greggio Pasta dish, which was supposed to be tenderloin served over fresh pasta served with a unique zesty sauce. In reality it was a very dry, overcooked and overpriced piece of meat propped up on a mound of overcooked bow tie noodles covered in a luke warm sauce I swear came out of a French's salad dressing bottle.

Any restaurant can have an off night. Normally I wouldn't be so harsh. My Significant Other ordered the Basta Pasta, which was as spicy and tasty as it was at the former location. However, the serving size was approximately a third of what it used to be. When I pointed out the new serving size my S.O.-who fears cardiac arrest- muttered, "Thank God." S.O. saw things my way when I pointed out that we were paying just as much for the petite portion as we paid for the former vat 'o pasta portion.

All would be forgiven except for the snooty policy of Basta. Our nieces, ages 6 and 10 joined us for dinner. Both adore any type of noodle -have yet to meet a kid who doesn't- and were looking forward to trying out the "New Basta" as they both really liked the "Old Basta." New Basta is trying to pose a haute Manhattan boutique restaurant, complete with a curt "Well behaved children welcome" posted on the menu. There is no children's menu, which is fine, the girls were happy to split an entree of spaghetti and meatballs. We were fined an eight dollar "plate fee" to do so. SNOBS. We specifically asked our waitress if this policy applied when well behaved children were involved. Our experience has been that even snotty Manhattan restaurants don't charge plating fees when kids are involved. Our waitress rolled her eyes and sighed, "Yes." Hey! Basta! You are located in PEORIA HEIGHTS. This is the Mid West, NOT Manhattan. You are a pasta joint, NOT an uppity French Restaurant. BTW, French Toast doesn't charge plating fees. Corking fee, yes. Plating fee, no.

It's back to Paparrazzi for Italian. Bruce Brown knows how to make a killer eggplant parmesan and is always nice to kids - well behaved or not!

How About Those Braves?!

Let me be the first to admit it. I really didn't think Bradley had a snowball's chance in hell of beating Kansas last night. At the half, when they were ten or so points ahead, I thought, "Damn. It's going to be painful to see Kansas come back from this."

Polly could not be happier to be put in her place and plain WRONG.

However, since my negativity and cynicism served the team so well last night, let me just say, "Damn. It's going to be painful to see the Braves lose the next round."

Who me? Superstitious? Nah!



My deepest sympathy to all dumbfounded Jayhawks.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Green Beer is on Me... Literally!

Ahh.... The entertainment that is St. Patrick's Day! Gotta love it. A time when otherwise normal, hardworking, responsible adults ditch work, and start getting sloshed before 10:00 a.m. while freezing and watching an otherwise lame parade go by. Downtown Peoria tends to take on an adult entertainment type feel well before the lunch hour- despite the presence of numerous children diving in the middle of the street to collect cheap candy.

No doubt Kelleher's will be filled to capacity, and I don't particularly care for crowds -or green beer spilled down my suit- so no Friday cheeseburger for lunch today. Wah!!! I will try to stop by the Judge's Chamber, because watching Union types get drunk always provides a few good laughs. Plus, Union guys happily buy strangers (or maybe just strange women) drinks.

It is also good fun to watch wanna be politicians take part in the parade. They are busy trying to appear as upstanding citizens while the surrounding citizens are busy getting sloshed and making fun of their bad ties.

I hope the Police Department is out in force tonight as well as the State Patrol. Since St. Paddy's Day falls on a Friday this year, I predict driving tonight will be even more dangerous than coming home New Year's Eve.

I will be home watching "High Noon" while munching on green popcorn. Enjoy yourselves, but remember: Drinking green beer is fun. Puking green beer is not.

Go Richwoods!!!

Love,

Paulina

Oh, the tangled web we weave when we are not nearly smart enough to deceive...

Separated at Birth?


Gov Never Will Be Oberweis....... and........ Goober?!

Despite the "tee-hee-hee" tone, I tip my hat to Jennifer Davis and Molly Parker who provided a very informative and funny Word on the Street column today.

I very much enjoyed reading about Desperate Wanna Be Guv -or any elected official really- Oberweis' inability to be - shall we say - accurate. (Read: Remotely truthful.) A few postings back I declared Ron Gidwitz was a lying dorkwad for his misleading attack ads against front runner Topinka. Why not the same treatment for Oberweis?

There is a slight compliment when I declare one to be a "Dorkwad." Dork implies that the person has a decent intellect, and may actually be bright or even smart. Think "Nerd" or "Geek." However, by adding "wad" to "Dork" I am saying that said person has chosen to behave like an ass, despite knowing better.

Frankly, Oberweis isn't smart enough to be labeled a "Dork." He is bright enough to make a fantastic chocolate peanut butter ice cream, but Oberweis' intellectual capacity ends there. Thus, I can forgive his pathetic attacks on Topinka and his airing of blatantly untrue campaign ads (all the while claiming he is the most ethical candidate) because Oberweis is an Goober/Gomer Pyle type who can't grasp what being ethical entails. If by some miracle Oberweis does win an election, any election, look for his office to be the most corrupt in the State. I don't believe Oberweis would intentionally commit crimes or misdeeds, but people working under him would be free to pursue crime and corruption to their heart's content and Oberweis would be none the wiser.

In an odd way, Oberweis reminds me of Enron CEO Kenneth Lay. Kenny was consumed with the task of selecting new fabric for the company's Lear Jet seats at the very same time his right hand man, Jeff Skilling, was breaking the news that Enron was toast and prison time was inevitable for them both.

I kind of feel sorry for Oberweis. It must be tough to have all the desire to hold a political office and not an ounce of the required ability. One would think after two very expensive self funded failed Senate races, poor Oberweis would take a hint.

Anyone remember Al Salvi?

GOAL!!!

Yes! I got on scale this morning and was amazed and delighted to see that I had at last obtained my goal/dream/obsession of well over a decade. My weight now corresponds to what I stated it to be on my driver license.

Now I only need to grow another two inches, obtain the same height I stated on my drivers license, and I'll be the perfect woman.

I'm so proud that I'm posting another nudie bubble bath picture. (Forgive the appearance of my bathroom, it has just entered it's second year of "remodeling.")

Kelly Monaco eat your heart out.

I live to Make Bill Dennis Happy....

Bill wanted to see a picture of moi taking a bubble bath. Do you know how difficult it is to take a picture of one's self taking a bubble bath?! My Significant Other screamed at me, not because I wanted to post nudish pics of myself on the internet, but because I was using the digital camera while taking a bath.

I know, does S.O. have the wrong priorities or what?!

(Semi) Nude Kelly Monaco Pics!

Not that it matters, but Truth Laid Bare has demoted me from a "Crawly Amphibian" to a "Flippery Fish." The nerve! Well, we'll just see about that.
And there's more where that came from! In fact, I don't who the heck she is, but was difficult finding a non Nude pic of Kelly Monaco. Kelly Monaco really likes to be nude. Kelly Monaco likes to be nude all the time, everywhere! Kelly Monaco even likes to be nude with other nude women.

The stuff men fall for... I tell you, I could be so rich.

Too Many Rats in the Cage.

Every once in a great while, a head hunter will call me with a job offer. Said offer will carry the promise of wonderful new things... adventure, excitement, fame, mental challenge, and a lot more money. So off I go. A for profit corporation paid to have little old me fly Business Class to the Big City for an interview. Business Class! In Business Class one gets five full inches of leg room instead of three! The flight was the first time since I was nine years old where the plane landed and I did not have an impression of my knees indented on my forehead. I know, sexy, eh?!

The For Profit Corporation puts me up in a swank hotel, with room service and everything. No coffee maker in my room. Uh uh. Nope. We've hit the big time, Baby. Make your own coffee? Puhleeze! Pablo wheels in a white cloth covered cart with a large silver pot full of piping hot, fantastic flavorful caffine and an orchid at For Profit Company's (FPC) expense. FPC doesn't seem to mind paying Swank Hotel $16.00 for said pot of coffee. They also don't mind the $4.00 room delivery charge. They wouldn't dream of denying Pablo his mandatory, already included $20% tip. Swank Hotel was kind enough to leave an extra space on the bill in case I wanted to tip Pablo more than 20%. Pablo was very nice, but fully dressed and did not display the abs or pects of the guy in the Solar Flex commercial, so Pablo was forced to make due with 20%.

The bed at Swank Hotel, can I tell you? Wow. Feather bed. Down comforter. 100,000 thread count sheets. I don't think crack could be as satisfying as that bed even if the guy from the Solar Flex commerical was in it with me. Oh, and the bathroom! More square footage than my house. Marble everywhere. And a phone. An Egyptian terry cloth robe that felt heavenly. I don't know what they do to terry cloth in Egypt, but I humbly bow to their superior knowledge and treatment of the textile.

My interview takes place over dinner at an equally swank restaurant. It dawns on me that I have not been to a restaurant where I have had to distinguish between a salad fork and a regular fork in quite sometime. Now I have a plethora of silverware at my disposal some of which I don't recognize including -I discovered later- a pair of "tapas tongs" which are used for olives, I'm told. Over dinner I am feeling like a first class ass, wondering why I've been toiling in the non-profit sector when I could have been toiling for For Profit Corp, which is willing to appropriately pay for my toils, and damn, FPC knows how to LIVE!

Dinner concludes and I'm ready to sign on the dotted line, move across the country, and begin the good life without guilt. Hell, I've done my time working for charity, now it's time for Polly! After all, the stressed induced heart attack I'm doomed to have will not be any less painful should it arrive by profit or non-for profit, so why not live a little before the inevitable coronary arrives? Valet Guy brings my rental car, also courtesy of FPC, to the front of the restaurant (sedan, NOT economy), opens my door and refuses my tip, which he tells me has "already been taken care of." I know, nice touch.

I drive back to Swank Hotel. Or at least I try to drive back to Swank Hotel. More like I make a slow crawl back to Swank Hotel. The freeway is far from free. I slowly inch along, and have the pleasure of paying tolls to do so. I exit from the freeway and inch along even more slowly where I not only stop at every single traffic light, but usually get stuck at the intersection twice before being allowed to move on to get stuck at the next traffic signal. Once I even had the pleasure of being the first car at a traffic light. In the nanosecond it took my foot to leave the brake and get to the gas, four hundred cars behind me honked demanding that I move my slow nanosecond -not jiffy second- sedan ass. It was 9:00 p.m. I thought rush hour would have been over at least three hours ago.

I stopped at the convenience store to buy a Diet Coke. Even though FPC would happily have paid, I just couldn't bring myself to call room service for a tiny bottle of Diet Coke, have them charge $4.50 for it, add a $4.00 delivery charge, and pay the mandatory 20% tip for fully dressed Pablo. At the convenience store I fill my 32 oz cup, and proceed to the checkout line where not one but three people race in front of me to make their dire purchases of Diet Coke and candy bars. Jeeze, if they were buying Tums to cure traffic related heartburn I would understand, but such hyper-combativeness over junk food seems a little extreme.

Once I ventured outside the realm of Swank Hotel and For Profit Corporation, I realized the only people I saw seemed to be stressed, cranky, and unhappy. I also came to realize that open spaces were nearly non-existent and feeling claustrophobic, I also felt stressed out and cranky. Day three in the Big City I had a dire revelation, which came as a result of me honking at someone else to move their slow nanosecond ass at a light. In my defense I had spent an hour in the car and had traveled a total of thirteen miles. Regardless, it took all of three days for me to become just another hostile rat in an overcrowded cage. My third night at Swank Hotel I had dreams of rolling around -completely clothed without Pablo or Solar Flex Guy- in a harvested corn field.

I have been aptly reminded. Peoria may not be perfect or perfectly polite, but I would wager big money -what would have been my new salary- and what would have been my new uppity title that Peoria is at least five, maybe ten years behind the decline in civility that has become standard in the Big City. I may earn myself a cornonary living in either, but it will come sooner in the Big City.

I couldn't get back to Peoria quickly enough. I'm a bit muddy at the moment so I'm going to go take a bubble bath now in my very humble bathroom -complete with peeling paint and pathetic water pressure, and I'm taking an entire six pack of Diet Coke with me. So, please, nobody flush.

Good to be home.

Now Accepting Students! The PollyPeoria Academy of Charm.

"When you feel hurt but do not harm the other, you are truly victorious."
-Thich Nhat Hanh-
Buddhist Monk

I feel for Merle Widmer, I do. A member of the "Greatest Generation," Merle has worked hard his entire life and has done his damnedest to make the world a better place. He asks little in return. Just a bit of respect, perhaps. He wants us to display a little bit of decency for fellow inhabitants of the planet. These days decency and respect are getting harder to come by and that is a bitter pill for Merle to swallow. So, I can understand how a punk teenager/passenger on a school bus traveling on the highway, who threw a soda can out of the bus window, served as a the straw that broke the camel's -or Merle's- back.

I don't agree with Merle's response, which was to force the driver of the school bus to pullover, allow Merle to board, and read the riot act to the kids, Coach, and bus driver. In fact, if one of my nieces had been on that bus, I'd probably be whining that Merle spend a night or two cooling his temper off in jail. Pulling over on the side of a freeway is an inherently dangerous thing to do, even when absolutely necessary. It simply wasn't. In all honesty, I did worse than throw a pop can out the school bus window when I was a teenager. I will wager good money that so did Merle. We all have regrets from our youth, when impulse won out over good sense and common decency.

Nonetheless, I feel a great deal of sympathy for Merle. Most worthwhile human beings allow their passions to get the best of them now and again. Anyone who reads Merle's blog on a regular basis knows that he is greatly saddened by the rudeness and the lack of work ethic that seems -at least at times- to be overtaking our society.

I know some think that posting The Ten Commandments in the classroom is the solution to society's ills. Others think high schools should require ethics courses in order to graduate. Me? Well, Polly thinks Charm School is the answer. Not just for little girls in the South. Everyone should attend charm school. It should be required along with reading, writing and arithmetic in elementary through high school. College and graduate school as well. Anyone who wants a driver's license, a gun, a liquor license, the right to vote, buy a pack of cigarettes, hell, purchase a friggin cell phone... anything that could possibly endanger society, should have to prove they have a firm grasp of basic manners.

You see, manners are nice. They serve to include people. Good manners attempt to make everyone feel comfortable and welcome. Charm School doesn't have to be the stereotypical sexist, debutante type variety. I don't care if you know how to waltz or can tie a superior Windsor knot. I want to know that you can say "Please" and "Thank you" when required. Before a someone can buy a cell phone, I want to be assured that they know how to use their "indoor voice." I also want to know that they understand what it means to be discreet, and that it is fully possible to ruin another patron's meal by describing in full detail that afternoon's visit to the gynecologist.

You want a driver's license? Great. Along with having to prove that your eyesight is good enough to drive safely and that you understand traffic laws, I also want you to prove that you understand that signaling is polite and necessary. I want to know that you understand that it is better to miss your exit and be late for that all important business meeting than swerve into my lane, cut me off, and endanger the lives of me and mine.

You want to drink liquor? No problem. Prove that you are of a legal age, that you know that too much of the sauce will undoubtedly make you stupid, unworthy to drive, and that being drunk in no way gives you a worthy excuse for waking up your old college girlfriend (who you dumped during final exams right before graduation, you bastard) by calling her at 3:00 a.m., begging forgiveness and pleading that she take you back. Because that would be rude, you drunk nitwit.

You want a pack of cigarettes? It's your lungs. Just make sure of that. Take due consideration of those around you. If you don't smoke around me and send me running to the emergency room with a full blown asthma attack, I will refrain from flipping you off. The world will be a kinder, gentler place. Otherwise, I will be forced to pursue legislation that will forbid you from your guilty pleasure, and I don't want to do that. Really.

There are things about this modern world I rather like. I like how global the world has become. My niece, a fifth grader in District 150, has two best friends. They are from Pakistan and Syria. They are two of the sweetest, politest girls I've ever met. My niece hasn't learned tolerance and culture from t.v. shows like "Different Strokes" or magazines like National Geographic, she lives it. I wasn't exposed to different people from different cultures until college. One of the benefits of a global economy is that the world has become smaller, and we have the opportunity to know each other a bit better. It makes life more interesting. It also makes for much better cuisine, but I digress...

I realize that good manners and Charm School in the "Good Old Days" lived comfortably beside racism, the tendency to judge others on how they looked, and their social economic status rather than how they behaved. Being charming and having good manners doesn't have to be a matter of law. It should be a matter of education. There are many among us who derive a perverse pleasure and power by being rude. Yeah, hold a gun to my face, demand my purse, and you will most certainly have power over me... but not my bowels. It is a false power- unearned, and completely unaccompanied by respect.

True power must be accompanied by respect. People willingly follow those leaders who show both competency and concern for those serve under them. I want kids to learn the value and power in looking someone in the eyes, giving a firm handshake, and enunciating each spoken word- just as they learn how to read, write, and share their toys. I want adolescents to learn that at some point they will be wrong, and that it won't kill them to admit it. How rare, but refreshing, it is hear someone say, "Oh. You are right. I was wrong. That was my mistake. I am very sorry."

I want college and graduate students to be reminded that making money should always come second to family. I want them to prove that they know ambition, hardship, deadlines, or pressure are not valid excuses for cheating, lies or breaking the law. Test them to make sure they understand that yelling at a waitress, secretary, or anyone forbidden from yelling back is cowardly.

Elders are not exempt. Making it to a ripe old age does not give you the right to cut in line, snap at exhausted mothers trying to soothe their crying offspring, or trying to control what your daughter-in-law serves for Thanksgiving dinner. It also doesn't give you the right to mortify others because they disrespect you. No matter how much they deserve it.

Earlier this week a really tough looking guy- tattooed, leather adorned, long haired, a biker type held the door open for me as I entered my office building. I smiled and said, "Thank you." He smiled and replied, "You are very welcome." A little shared politeness and we both felt a little better about the world.