Polly has found the cure for depression, PMS, Dumb Democrats, Dirty Republicans, Erectile Disfunction, PJ Star Editorials, Dork Wad Bosses, Lazy Ass Co-Workers, Terrorism, Locusts, Morbid Obesity, EVERYTHING. It isn't a magic pill. It isn't a frontal lobotomy (did I spell that right? Er, Eyebrows, help me out.) Anyway, every affliction known to mankind -except crappy spelling- SOLVED!!! Everyone, get out your credit cards. Go to Zappo.com and buy yourself a pair of HEELYS. No, you're not too old. Yup. They make em in grown up sizes. If my Christmas bonus doesn't completely suck ass (and it will) I'm gonna buy the entire City Council a pair. FUN! FUN! FUN! Why didn't somebody come up with this sooner?! Cutie Pie UPS driver delivered my pair today. Can I tell you? Fun AND an awesome work out. No, not sex. Get your mind out of the gutter, Bill. HEELYS. My thighs and arse feel slimmer and trimmer already and it's FUN. Scarlet better watch out. If my thighs get any stronger I might accidentally rip her head off some night.
You know who would really enjoy a pair of these? DeWayne Bartels. DeWayne, Buddy, forget scuba diving, and star gazing... Snoozeville! HEELY! HEELY! HEELY! I was suppose to cook the turkey tomorrow, but my kitchen isn't big enough to HEELY in, so I'm rolling on down to Schnucks now to buy a pathetic pre-cooked T-day meal. Let the inlaws partake of the nasty greenbean casserole. BTW, if you dump a can of creamed anything in food, well, that ain't cooking. You want creamed green beans? Try REAL CREAM. Oh, never mind. HEELY! HEELY! HEELY!
I may never blog again, I'm so filled with fun and mirth. Happy HEELY!!!
If your mind is too open, your brain will fall out. Warning: Names, identities, descriptions, and pictures have been changed and/or used to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. PollyPeoria should not be used or quoted as a source for your senior college thesis.
Wednesday, November 22
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8 comments:
Polly, are you drinking the cooking sherry again? hehehe
Those things look like a lotta fu...uh...nahhhh. I'd probably just break a hip.
Your gonna poke your eye out kid.
Polly, you're scaring me.
Oh no, Pammy, YOU WILL NOT BREAK A HIP, Promise! You are someone who will truly love these things! You see, the wheel is in back, so whenever you start to feel yourself losing the war with gravity while rolling, you simply switch to walking on the balls (front) of your feet. It's genius I tell you! Why somebody didn't think of this a long time ago is beyond me. PAMMY you have GOT to try it. Heely, Baby, Heely.
Scott J, Unless you are walking in front of me too slowly (GAWD there are alot of slow folks in this town) you have nothing to fear from Heelying Polly. I tell you, there is nothing better than Heelying while grocery shopping. Smooth surface and a grocery cart for added balance. I don't need the assistance, I am an expert now. Ready for the black slopes. Makes a previous painful chore - I hate to shop - fun and fast. I may go Heely up at Grand Prairie Mwall later. HEELY! HEELY! HEELY!
Give me a heads up, I want to see you Heely...In fact, I'll heely with you. You bring the Heely's, and I'll bring the First Aid Kit. LOL
Scott J. I'm telling you Bud, there is no way to get (seriously) hurt -well, only if one is drunk, high, and very STUPID because you always have the option of WALKING instead of rolling on the balls of your feet instead of rolling on your heels. It's fabulous. I'm now Heelying at the office and taking tons of crap for it too because I'm told that my black heelys do not conform to the uptight dress code around here. Blah, blah, blah....
You just named drunk, high, and very STUPID...Yea, like I said, I'll bring the first aid kit. :-)
Had the Heelys a week now my friends. Got out the measuring tape this morning. I've taken almost an inch off my arse. PSYCH!!!
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