This year Six Sigma's call didn't get through. A little disappointing, because I did enjoy watching our organization's head honcho run onto stage swathed in white pajamas and black belt and doing fake Karate kicks. Almost had a stroke repressing my laughter.
No Six Sigma this year, but some other emperor without clothes will undoubtedly throw motivator words such as "synergy" "leadership" and "goals" our way. Yes, we'll learn that only discontent will motivate us past our pre-conceived limitations. We discover that we must "name it to claim it." Self talk. I can all but promise the phrase "Self Talk" will be used repeatedly. If my self talk is negative, so will my results. My mentoring will be negative, and thus I will be a negative leader and our corporate culture will be poisoned and our bottom line will suffer. What do you want to bet that Enron held these type of seminars every week? Part of the pain of these sessions is watching first timers. They want to be positive team players, so they get sucked into this cult like atmosphere. Deprogramming could take up to a year to complete. After a year of plastering on a fake smile, and responding with a hearty "FANTASTIC!" when asked simply, "How are you?" First timers realize that yelling "FANTASTIC! did not further their careers, relationships, or provide winning lottery numbers.
Why not just hand out The Little Engine that Could to every employee at the company Christmas party? It would save the Company (and investors) money. Damn. I hope that doesn't count as bad self talk. I will spend two working days at a pump up pep rally run by people who have no clue as to what we do (Here's a hint you pseudo psycho wannabes: WE'RE A CHARITY! WE DON'T HAVE INVESTORS. WE HAVE CONTRIBUTORS. WE DON'T MAKE MONEY, WE BEG FOR IT!) What peeves me even more is that my workload will still have to be completed by me -Peons don't get a temp- on time, which means my evenings will be spent at the office. I'm salaried, which means no overtime. Grrrr. There goes that negative self talk again. I know, if I can believe it, I can achieve it. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, I don't give a rat's ass if people like me.
Go ahead. Laugh at my pain. I can admit my life is a bad SNL skit. Take comfort knowing CAT recently sent an employee to address City Council regarding the possibilty of teaming together in the event of another major snow storm. This employee was a Six Sigma black belt no less. Yup. We are so screwed.
Voo Doo Priest Tony Robbins awakened the giant within in 2000 and got divorced, then quickly married a blonde he met at one of his seminars.
1 comment:
Very funny! Really like "The Little Engine that Could." Yes, I am tired of all of the hype and silliness of the corporate motivational seminars that fill people's heads full of hot air.
To do and be great takes time: good planning, determination, skill, talent and some luck. Edison said "90% perspiration and 10% inspiration" but that doesn't seem to be impressive to many because that indicates a lot of hard work. It is easier to kick back with a cocktail and cheer on some moron on a stage.
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