If your mind is too open, your brain will fall out. Warning: Names, identities, descriptions, and pictures have been changed and/or used to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. PollyPeoria should not be used or quoted as a source for your senior college thesis.

Tuesday, January 31

Overheard at IHOP this morning...

My gut tells me that Pammy over at Lollygaggin' would really like this story.

I'm at IHOP, drinking coffee, reading the Wall Street Journal, and eavesdropping on the couple seated at table next to mine.

The Husband: (Who is staring at the ass of a cute, teenybopper waitress leaning over to wipe off a table), says to his wife, "I wish you would lose weight."

The Wife: (Who is giving a new born infant a bottle, has dark rings of sleep deprivation under her eyes, and is maybe 25 post partum pounds overweight, tops), replies, "I know how you feel. I wish you had a bigger penis."


Polly: Laughs so hard scalding coffee comes out nose.

13 comments:

Chase Ingersoll said...

If the wife were breastfeeding like she should be, she'd have lost that weight and would not be suffering the same hormonal effects of post-pardum.

And she needs to own up to the fact that she married an ass, with a small penis. Why? Maybe it was because he had a big........car, house, salary?

PeoriaIllinoisan said...

Leave it to Chase...

Polly,
Your post would fit in nicely on www.overheardinnewyork.com

Pammy said...

I believe I might have had to stand up and applaud her comment...after I got the coffee outa my nose. (Me too...hate it when that happens)

"If the wife were breastfeeding like she should be, she'd have lost that weight and would not be suffering the same hormonal effects of post-pardum."

Oh, so now it's DoctorIngersoll, is it? Ahh, yes...the famous pediatrician.

Chase, you sanctimonious ass...it's post-partum...with a T.
Which rhymes with D. Which stands for 'Doofus'....right here in River City.

Rob said...

If Chase had been aborted, his mother wouldn't have had to suffer his existence.

Vonster said...

Nor yours yours. Time to come in now Robbie.

pollypeoria said...

Chase,

There are many reasons a woman might not be able to breast feed. Or, she may very well may breast feed, but might not feel comfortable doing so in public. My sister did a combo of breast feeding and bottle feeding because her girls did not gain enough weight.

Breast feeding or not, any woman who doesn't have at least twenty pesky pounds to lose immeditately after giving birth is a rarity - for good reason.

The woman may or may not have married someone with a small penis. Note, she didn't say he had a small one, she said that she simply wished he had a bigger penis. (The husband didn't call his wife "fat", but simply "wished she'd lose weight.")

Many men are jerks when it comes to women and weight, regardless of education, occupation, socio- economic status. You are proof of that, Chase.

What I admired was that this woman was able to immediately strike a hard blow at the core of her husband's shallow ego. Most women I know are sensitive about their weight (Polly included) and would have been hurt first, angry/clever/retaliatory later.

If the situation had been reversed, - an overweight husband (with or without a baby), the wife had been scamming a cute male waiter, and the wife had said something cruel about weight and the husband had an equally clever retort, I would have admired him also.

Thank you for commenting Chase, and proving once again that you are a parasite.

Chase Ingersoll said...

Polly: Parasites eat well. I prefer to think of myself as a humorsite, feeding well off of all of your hilarity. So allow me to give thanks before I consume some more of Peoria Blogging delicacies. Peoria truly is a chocolate factory.

Uuuuurppppp!

Excuse me!


Ttttttthhhhhhhhhttttt

Excuse me again.

Anonymous said...

Polly why do you let the cockroach post comments? Why don't you delete the excrement? You'd get more readers if you did.

Gawd, what a loser.

Chase Ingersoll said...

Bruck Bruckanoymous. You just don't get it?! Up needs down, black requires white and there would be no winner without a loser. So if everyone wants to play the role of up, white winner, I'll simply go where the odds are better of my getting a part in the game.....that of down, black loser. If I am willing to assume that role.........I GET LOTS OF AIRPLAY!!!!

An nothing Pollyonymous can say, can convince me that she does not adore my rugged unshaven smirk as much as she does Mr. Russells.

XOXOXOXOXXOXOXXO

Lo Chasaracha

I must go. Mi esposa adora Senor Chasaracha

Rob said...

At least Chase is witty at times. Then there are guys like Vonster, whos best retort since 3rd grade has been, "Nunhuh, YOU are".

Chase Ingersoll said...

Ch Chasaracha.
Ch Chasaracha.

It don't matter what you call him.

Because he does not care.
Because he does not care.

No he really doesn't give a damn.

But he's a happy guy.
But he's a happy guy.

And he likes to yank your short hairs.

ARRRRIIIIIBAAAAAA!!!!

pollypeoria said...

Chase,

WTF?

You've gone off the deep end before, but these lastest commentaries are weird. Even for you.

Chase Ingersoll said...

Polly: Seriously......the people who know me really well, know that I laugh at myself as much as anyone and that I would rather be the joke than for there to be no joking at all. Ask G.S.

Further: weird is contextual. For the people who know me these latest "weird" posts have been some of my weirdly most hilarious. You have no idea how many of my friends and family I refer to your site and how many sent me emails of congradulations on my latests award.

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