What's So Funny About Peace and Love and Understanding?

He was about equal rights, civil rights, yes. But he was just as adamant about attaining his goals through non-violent means. To use violence in order to reach "The Dream" wasn't The Dream at all, but defeat.

Bush, Cheney, and every gangbanger out there should have to complete a course- call it, "King 101" as a part of rehabilitation, incarceration, impeachment, or whatever.

Oh Well. I Wasn't Using My Civil liberties Anyway.

How special. On Martin Luther King Day no less.

From today's New York Times:

Vice President Dick Cheney defended efforts by the Pentagon and the C.I.A. to obtain financial records of Americans suspected of terrorism or espionage, calling the practice a "perfectly legitimate activity" used partly to protect troops on military bases.

Huh. Wonder if I can expect the CIA to go over my tax return with a fine tooth comb because I'm seriously considering leaving the Republican Party. I'd be willing to wager that Bush has killed more people than abortion of late.

So... Billy, Barbara, and Clyde- can you make room for one more?

We Are Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them.

Which is the main problem Bush seems to be overlooking. Hunting down terrorists, potential terrorists, wanna-be-terrorists, (and folks who happen to have the poor fortune of living next door to any of the aforementioned)"over there" before they have the opportunity to find their way "over here" must be the stupidest foreign policy of all time. We've pissed off so many people at this point that the U.S. would have to use nukes for this to work, and that isn't likely since we don't want to contract thyroid cancer when we harvest the oil.

Terror hunting has given governments carte blanche to do as they like, when they like. No one blinks when the U.S. bombs suspected terrorists in Somalia now? Not confirmed terrorists, mind you, suspected terrorists. Although the U.S. may or may not have killed terrorists, one thing is certain. Both sides agree that confirmed -not suspected- civilians were hit.

Huh. China killed some of its own last week too. Of course, the Chinese government is known for this. Their official excuse this time? "They were terrorists."

Of course they were.

I heard the rumors...

I but I didn't believe them. HA!!! I was at a holiday open house over the weekend and a little lady was collecting signatures for none other than GALE THETFORD to run for an At Large City Council seat. You'd think after the spanking' Bob Manning gave Thetford when she ran to retain her Council seat in the last City election she would take the hint.

All I can say is...
"Um.."

Thetford began every single painful and long winded speech she gave while on the Council with "Um." She should use it as her campaign slogan.

Gawd, are Ran$burg and Marcella going to attempt to rise from the dead and defeated too?

Airlines SUCK. Big time.

I hate travel, I really do. Specifically, I hate air travel. Boarding an airplane rates close to root canal on my to do list. The reason for my absolute disdain of airplanes has little to do with a fear of flying. As I've blogged before, I realize and accept that I'm more likely to die driving in my car, on my way to root canal, than I am on an airplane. Or so I'm told. I'm beginning to have my doubts.

My hatred of air travel is due to the fact that many of my fellow passengers are inconsiderate slobs. These days, spending time on a commercial flight is akin to being trapped in an unvented elevator with a couple of homeless winos for at least three hours.

Polly has been dieting. Polly has been working out. Polly has been Heelying like a mad woman. Polly thinks her arse is looking quite shapely these days and the tape measure agrees. To reward myself, I bought a brand new, grown up, black pin stripe Brooks Brother's suit. I know, sounds stuffy and boring, but trust me. It's not. I like shopping for clothes almost as much as I like air travel. In a rare moment of boredom and weakness I stepped into Brooks Brothers in Chicago. Weak because I FREEZING and simply had to warm myself before continuing my walk to the Metra station.

I'm telling you, this suit called my name. Trying it on was an out of body experience. The garment has magic powers. Once on, cellulite disappears. I'm three inches taller. It says size 10 on the label, but I look like a size 2. Cindy Crawford would be jealous. Other shoppers watch me admire myself in the store's three way mirror. I can feel their envy. The ghosts of Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly applaud. I feel so gorgeous in this suit I'd wear it on my wedding day. I have the abilty to cure cancer, clear the national deficit, and bring about world peace in this suit. There is only one like it left. Moreover, The Suit is on SALE. To look and feel like this for $500 is a bargain. Euphoria.

Like an idiot, I wore my new suit on a commercial flight. Anyone else notice that airplanes are exceedingly filthy these days? Do not reach into the seat pocket in front of you. God only knows what you will find. Three week old used tissues filled with ebola. Last time I checked the seat pocket in front of me I found a used needle. I can only pray the passenger who placed it there suffered from diabetes and not AIDS. Look at the floor and seats. They haven't been vacuumed in months. Such foul decay of the interior cabin really makes one wonder what the maintenance standards are for the rest of the plane. If the engine of the aircraft is neglected in this manner we are all going to die.

Polly sat on a wad of gum thoughtfully chewed and left behind by a previous passenger. My gorgeous new suit, ruined. My formerly perky butt now sagging with depression. Mankind denied my profound beauty and amazing intellect brought about by the magic suit. The magic suit super powers do not include the ability to repel the goo that's penetrated the weave of its fabric. The suit has been defiled, victimized. Don't cry for me. Cry for the magic suit.

Next time I will hitch hike. Probably a safer and cleaner mode of transportation.

So Sick It Just Might Work...

The PJ Star is for sale. Today's Word on the Street column hints that local big wigs with deep pockets have been approached with the goal of local ownership. That's the trend these days, or so we're told.

As much as I love Gary Sandberg, I don't see him coming up with the cash to buy the overpriced paper. Gary gets more votes than anybody with a lot less cash than any other candidate, but even with that sort of genius I don't think he'd even want the hassle of owning a paper.

HOWEVER, how about having a BLOGGER OWNED paper? Okay, and blogger owned and reader supported newspaper. Why? Just so we could remind Bailey who he works for before he glibly writes another stupid editorial that Fire Stations are silly and far less important than funding for the arts.

Heh. Heh.

Guns Don't Shoot People in the Testicles...

People shoot themselves in the testicle(s).

Sigh. Why can't more mishaps involving guns be like this one?!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

(AP) A man who was attempting an abduction stuck a gun in his waistband when it fired, shooting him in the left testicle, police in Wichita, Kan., said. He cringed, and the gun fired again, striking him in the left calf. The 23-year-old walked into a hospital. He and two others were accused of trying to kidnap a teen in a dispute over stereo speakers.

Polly's view:

The only tragedy here is that the second bullet hit the left calf instead of the other (right) testicle. Then society would have the added benefit/comfort of knowing this gun toting moron could no longer reproduce.

Seriously, I think a partial, although not perfect, answer to reducing the innocent gun slaughter of U.S. citizens would be to require those applying for a gun license take an I.Q. test. Anyone who doesn't score 100 or above can't have a gun. Yes, the same for driving. I haven't thought this one through yet, but should I become Queen, I'm thinking an ethics test might be in order as well, as well as a gun safety exam. Hell, throw in a mental health test in there too, couldn't hurt.

Yeah, I hate government red tape too, but there is that rare occasion when it serves a good purpose. I, for one, love it when the Health Department shuts down a roach infested restaurant. It's a good day when government seizes a crack house, or condemns and then destroys property that a slum lord couldn't get off his lard ass to maintain. Yes, that doesn't happen much here in Peoria, but I understand it happens in other places, and if true, it's a wonderful thing.

As I've written before, not every person who has or wants a gun is an idiot, but every idiot is attracted to guns. Like some birds are attracted to shiny things. Like moths are attracted to a flame. Like politicians are attracted to spending money they don't have, etc.

Guns, fireworks, and idiots go together like beer, pizza, and hot wings.

A note to Bill Dennis, With Love

Bill Dennis over at the Pundit changed his format again. I give up. Go cross-eyed young man, see if I care! His most recent template change isn't as nearly as annoying as the previous migrane inducing formats, (anyone remember "watermelon") so I'll let it slide. Criticize all you like, but Bill is one Peorian that doesn't fear change. We can learn from him. In the last year Bill has changed jobs, homes, towns, as well as templates. Bill, Lovey, Scarlet and I sent our annual Festivus card with our non tax deductible donation, and it came back! I guess you don't have the P.O. Box anymore? You need to include a snail mail address to your site so pseudo-anonymous bloggers can support our favorite Blog Father.

HEELY! HEELY! HEELY!

Polly has found the cure for depression, PMS, Dumb Democrats, Dirty Republicans, Erectile Disfunction, PJ Star Editorials, Dork Wad Bosses, Lazy Ass Co-Workers, Terrorism, Locusts, Morbid Obesity, EVERYTHING. It isn't a magic pill. It isn't a frontal lobotomy (did I spell that right? Er, Eyebrows, help me out.) Anyway, every affliction known to mankind -except crappy spelling- SOLVED!!! Everyone, get out your credit cards. Go to Zappo.com and buy yourself a pair of HEELYS. No, you're not too old. Yup. They make em in grown up sizes. If my Christmas bonus doesn't completely suck ass (and it will) I'm gonna buy the entire City Council a pair. FUN! FUN! FUN! Why didn't somebody come up with this sooner?! Cutie Pie UPS driver delivered my pair today. Can I tell you? Fun AND an awesome work out. No, not sex. Get your mind out of the gutter, Bill. HEELYS. My thighs and arse feel slimmer and trimmer already and it's FUN. Scarlet better watch out. If my thighs get any stronger I might accidentally rip her head off some night.

You know who would really enjoy a pair of these? DeWayne Bartels. DeWayne, Buddy, forget scuba diving, and star gazing... Snoozeville! HEELY! HEELY! HEELY! I was suppose to cook the turkey tomorrow, but my kitchen isn't big enough to HEELY in, so I'm rolling on down to Schnucks now to buy a pathetic pre-cooked T-day meal. Let the inlaws partake of the nasty greenbean casserole. BTW, if you dump a can of creamed anything in food, well, that ain't cooking. You want creamed green beans? Try REAL CREAM. Oh, never mind. HEELY! HEELY! HEELY!

I may never blog again, I'm so filled with fun and mirth. Happy HEELY!!!

Another Republican Takes the Hint.... THANK GOD!!!

Oh please, please, please let it be true. Chistmas comes to Peoria early! Today's Word On the Street Column dishes the tasty rumor that John Morris won't be seeking re-election for his At-Large City Council seat. The excuse given for Morris' delightful departure: "family." Yeah, right. Read: A blood relative told John Boy he didn't have a shot in hell of winning, and to please shut the heck up and stop embarrassing the family name.

I suppose I should be sharing in the Republican major depressive episode following last week's elections, but I can't work up the energy. I readily admit the boot kicking was well deserved and it was time to clean house. The only truly lingering wound is having to endure Gov. Chicagovich for the foreseeable future. Then again, really sore losers find ways to indict. Polly recently received a jury duty summons... Oh, wouldn't that be sweet?

We got the best of possible outcomes in the Schocks v. Spears race. Two smart, hardworking men will continue in public service. I like Schock and think he is a good state rep, but I would have been happy for Spears had he won. However, since Spears helped to craft the current City Council with appointment of brother-in-law George Jacobs- I think Bill should stay in the horse shoe and reap the rewards of his brilliant design. Billy, just think of all the stuff you can finally get done once Morris is gone. At a minimum, City Council meetings are guaranteed to be much, much, shorter. I still think Schock should have stepped up for Shadid's seat. Koehler gives me the willies.

Nationally, Rumsfield is out! My guess is that Rove or Cheney will be next. My money is on Cheney. The Iraq War has been botched and anyone with an I.Q. over 50 should have known "Stay the Course" as a strategy - let alone as campaign slogan/booster - was asinine. Look for an elegant exit, i.e., headlines to the effect of, "V.P. Quits After Heart Condition Worsens." Dick doesn't -or shouldn't- have the heart to stay the course either.