Holy Mother of God! You must act now! Time is running out! These prices will never be seen again! No reasonable offer refused! No credit check!

My father is the cheapest man alive. He never picks up the check. When my mother leaves a tip for a waitress at a restaurant, he waits until her back is turned and then steals it. The only way my mom could ever get consent to make a major purchase - say a lamp - was to wear him down. She wouldn't stop talking about the lamp. She would find a way, no matter how inappropriate, to insert it into every conversation. "Your best friend died today? That's sad. You know George would have loved the lamp I want. He always was a great fan of good lighting." Pictures of the lamp would appear wrapped in a napkin with Dad's sliverware at the dinner table. His eyes would take in the lamp first thing upon waking in the morning as a picture of the lamp would be taped to the alarm clock. A picture of the lamp would be posted on the bathroom door so Dad could ponder it while using the toilet. Eventually Mom would always win. "Damn it Donna, buy the thing already. I just don't want to hear about it any more." The strategy was annoying as hell but fool proof.

Apparently this is City Council's strategy regarding the possible purchase of the water company. Citizens overwhelming voted not to buy it, but council continues to investigate it. We have heard our rates will go up, but now Third District Councilman Bob Manning - CPA and auditor extraordinare - has taken another look at the books. He sees something no one else has seen before (despite a VERY expensive investigation process). Our rates might go down! No matter what it will profitable! But we must act NOW before interest rates go up and the deadline passes! Starting to sound like one of those obnoxious used car commericals, eh? I get so sick of hearing stupid announcers yelling at me on t.v. and radio that I would be willing to buy a lemon if I never had to endure another one.

The residents of Denver, Colorado will soon be paying an eight percent increase on their water bills. Why? Because they have been dutifully CONSERVING water. Frankly, I didn't see it on my last visit, Denverites water their sidewalks. I think Colorado has simply recieved Illinois' share of rain. The City of Denver owns the water company and is dependent on it as a source of revenue. So, if residents don't use enough water,although they are required by law to conserve it, the City is screwed. If Denver's water company was privately owned the City could just say "Sorry Suckers. No rate hike for you. Tell your investors too bad so sad." However, since Denver needs the revenue, residents will be punished for being evironmentally responsible.

So, about Peoria's possible purchase of the water company... BUY THE DAMN THING ALREADY!!! I just don't want to hear about it anymore.

Promises, Promises...

We are being forewarned. The Journal Star reports that the upcoming City budget will be VERY tight. Really? Ya think? I can't recall a time when local, state, or national government reported, "Yup. Thanks to generous tax payers we have plenty of revenue. No problems here." What about the $2 million surplus last year brought to us by the special census and The Shoppes at Grand Prairie? We can absolutely bank on politicians suggesting that any surplus be spent on non-essentials instead of banking unexpected revenue for the ever rising health care and pension costs of City employees.

Peoria City Council will receive a preliminary 2006 budget in early October. This budget will be the first real test of our newly elected "essential services first" City Council. Those who voted the last regime out will be watching this new crew very closely and we expect any extra to go to repealing the $6 per month garbage fee that is now being applied to our water bills, replacing sidewalks, opening Fire Station 11 to full capacity, etc. You know, the decisions made by the last administration that disgusted you so much when you campaigned for your current job... Or so you said.

If this new administration votes to spend more for parks, basketball hoops, or neighborhood association newsletters, they will need to be reminded of promises made and the very reason Ardis, Manning, Van Auken, were elected to their new posts and Spears and Nichting were re-elected.

I recall a Letter to the Editor that Bob Manning wrote to the Journal Star after the "progressives" voted to take vital fire fighting equipment out of service due to budget restraints. The Journal Star editorialists chastised him for threatening the then Council with serious regret for such a move. Manning wrote back, "It isn't a threat, it's a promise."

It sure would be refreshing to see a Council keep its promises.

How Sucky Politicians Win Elections

I like Jennifer Davis, I do. She is less cynical and her articles are less slighted than most that appear in the Journal Star. Which is why today's Word on the Street column strikes me as odd. She writes that Clyde Gulley put priority on personal contact rather than financing to win his First District election. I'm afraid Jen has been spending too much time with the "progressive" editorialists at her place of employment. According to today's column Clyde spends lots of time with his constituents. He knows them. He loves them. He chauffeurs them around. Hell, on their birthdays he sends them cards and when they die he attends their funerals. Moreover, Gulley spent very little money on his campaign - especially considering he had five opponents. Uh, Jen, Clyde won because he HAD five opponents. The vote was split during the primary and the just barely winner, Greg Banks, did not have the name recognition or campaign insight it takes to win. Gulley did not spend much because he couldn't raise much. If there is one thing that Clyde Gulley doesn't do is return phone calls, e-mails, or show up at first district events. Hence, Gulley had five people so pissed off by his neglect they decided to run against him. I have been to anti-crime vigils in the First District and have yet to see Gulley at any of them. Gulley also has another big in. He is a member of the huge City of Refuge Church which carries a lot of clout in the area. Nonetheless, 47% of the First District voted for Banks, not Gulley, in the final election.

Hint: Politicians who spend time with their residents don't have five opponents. Billy Spears and Pat Nichting return their calls and their weakling opponents never had a chance. Thetford was taken to task for being non responsive and it cost her the election. She had two high spending opponents and was creamed in the general election. Thetford may well have lost in the primary had one of her challengers, Angela Anderson, lived in Peoria longer (six years) and been better known. As it was Anderson took 20% of the primary vote, which, for an unknown transplant, is quite remarkable in Peoria. Teplitz was booted because she was seen as aloof and only paid heed to the Second District's political and financial elite. Van Auken easily defeated her in the general election, but even I was surprised that the very odd wanna be doctor/realtor D. Doc took 6%. D. Doc was so bad that he admits that he didn't vote for himself.

Today's Word on the Street Column got one thing correct, contact can overcome currency in an election. However, it failed to address the elephant in the room, which is that neglect can breed a win by breeding a few too many candidates.

Peter Jennings Dead at 67

I really came to appreciate Peter Jennings during 9/11. As awful as that day was, as well as the days that immediately followed, Jennings kept his head and his calm, and I was better able to keep mine - sort of.

I recall New Years Eve of 2001, right after mid-night, he appeared on air in a tux. Because it was Jennings, it didn't seem corny at all.

I will miss him.

From Hickville to Tackville

Whoopie! Peoria is joining the big leagues! We are on our way to looking like every place else. Look at War Memorial near the new mall. Peoria no longer qualifies as Hickville now that Starbucks has come to town. Yeah, I know, its been here for awhile. Look for all the other standard big box stores and restaurants to follow. Another Culver's is locating across from the new mall, and so is TGIFriday's.

I've taken a few road trips this summer and I've come to realize that it is getting harder to find differences between one town and other - everywhere is starting to look the same. No matter how far you travel, you are within spitting distance of Wal-Mart, Walgreens, McDonalds, a cell phone store, Chili's, Blockbuster, Best Buy, Home Depot, etc.

In a couple of years, I predict that stretch of War Memorial will become our retail suburbia hell - looking more like a major airport landing strip than anything else. I wonder if all the folks living in Lynnhurst are ready for all the tack, trash, and traffic headed their way? Will property values increase or decrease?

Note to those who don't want to live next door to ugly, characterless boxes, hostile traffic, and corporate signs the size of drive-in movie screens: Get organized, get business friendly Fifth District Councilman Patrick Nichting on the line, and start complaining...Loudly.

If it hasn't happened all ready, more people will be attracted to those communities that keep out the ugly. Communities who value charm may well come out ahead of those who happily bend over for retail corporate America. All this corporate branding may be a good thing for neighborhoods like East Bluff. There may be more crime here, but this neighborhood has retained a lot of it's charm - should anyone want to apply a little elbow grease. As people tire those cookie cutter caves that spread across the landscape like mold spores, property values in older neighborhoods may actually increase. This happened to Wicker Park in Chicago. Five years ago it was gang banger hell, now it is Yuppieville. Hmm... there might be a good late night infomercial profit potential for anyone willing to exploit the idea. Someone be a dear and give Tony Robins a call.

Happy Night Out Against Crime to you, Happy Night Out Against Crime to you, Happy Night Out Against Crime Dear Voter, and thanks for the night off!

No city council meeting tonight. Our elected officials are dutifully celebrating "National Night Out Against Crime." Please let me know if you see one of our beloved council people out with a flashlight and carrying a banner. $20 bucks to anyone who e-mails me a picture of said councilperson first. What are the chances that at least a couple of them took a vacation out of town this week? (I would.)

They outta be picketing the Grandview Hotel tonight, could help take the spotlight off the fact that the City will not win its court case against the owner, or ever get that rat hole shut down.

Update (and happily put in my place): The local 10:00 news showed Bob Manning, Third Council Councilman, and Ray LaHood, congressman and guv wanna be, at Nat'l Night Out Against Crime festivities in the East Bluff. Old Town South resident/activist LaVetta Ricca (Would someone throw this lady a parade? She sure deserves one.) held festivities in her neighborhood, but Clyde Gulley was either not in attendance or didn't make the news. Mayor Jim Ardis wasn't seen at Night Out Against Crime activities but instead started today's Run for St. Jude.

Maybe God doesn't hate the French.

Where do these folk worship? Count me in!

An Air France plane crash landed in Toronto today, all 309 people escaped without a single major injury, just before the whole damn (well, apparently not) thing burst into flames.

I'm sure all of the passengers gave a prayer of thanks, hopefully on their way to play the lottery.

Willy, please report to the Chocolate Factory.

It's been many, many moons since Willy Nilly posted. You okay, Dude? I miss you. I need you. I'm going through withdrawal. Surely someone in Springfield must be ticking you off...

Your vote costs, er, I mean counts!

Today is the day. Expense reports must be filed with the Election Commission by the end of the day or candidates could be imprisoned, fined and/or embarrassed by the press. This is what it costs to win, lose and/or attempt to buy an election in the City of Peoria:

District One: Clyde Gulley, $7,917.02
Franklin Lewis $ 417.00
June Moore ?

District Two: Barbara Van Auken $16,947.36
Marcella Teplitz $24,864.19

District Three: Angela Anderson $11,374.25
Bob Manning $21,494.00
Gale Thetford $20,173.74

District Four: Bill Spears $2,420.81

District Five: Patrick Nichting $3,093.77 (This guy still has $34,034.37 in his war chest. Anyone really think he isn't going to run for bigger and better things?)

Mayors Race:
Jim Ardis: $ 53,824.63
Bruce Brown: $ 9,647.30
Dave Ran$burg: $237,546.48 (Somebody find this guy a worthwhile charity!)
Eric Turner: $ 11,169.99

There were four candidates other than Gulley in the First District primary but only Franklin Lewis and June Moore filed. Lewis spent $417.00, but Moore's statement isn't clear. It appears that Moore still has a couple grand left should she want to run again.

Also, D. Doc (who ran against Van Auken and Teplitz in the Second), Tremayne Allen (who ran against Bill Spears in the fourth) and Dan Gillette (who ran against Nichting in the Fifth) haven't reported anything. They may not be required to file if they didn't spend more than $500.

Gulley, Spears, and Nichting are the only winners who didn't spend more than what the job actually pays.

Teplitz and Thetford spent a fortune to lose. Turner and Brown spent some money too, but that was for the Mayor's race, and it was nothing compared to Ardis and Ran$burg. Anderson was a bit of a surprise. The newcomer spent $11,374 but still lost in the primary. Ouch. But, Jeeze, what can you say about Ran$burg? Over $230,000 spent on a failed attempt to boost his ego. Now that's gotta hurt, even for a millionaire.

I find it amusing that most of the candidates waited until the deadline to file. Ardis is wins the award for procrastination, he was the last to turn his report at 4:39 p.m. Think these guys would prefer that we not know how much money they spent or where they got it? Or, maybe they are just very, very busy. Riiight.

The Journal Star Thinks You're Fat

A new day, another really stupid editorial by the JP Star. Too many Americans are overweight. Really? You think? Apparently a ladder truck had to be used to lift a 400 pound deceased Peorian from their digs last month. We are also informed that OSF has spent big bucks on a levy system to lift the hefty to and from beds. Oh, yeah! And OSF also has 17 people working full time solely lifting people. The editorial fails to mention that said staff spends a good deal of their time lifting frail, elderly, weak, infirm... Well, you know, SICK people. Everyone knows being overweight is bad for you. Or at least everyone knows that the health community says being overweight is bad for you. Why not an editorial about the perils of smoking? Tomorrow probably.

Well, those slim, trim, omega whatever inhaling, fish eating, health nuts are screwed too. Today's Wall Street Journal had an incredibly long article about mercury in tuna fish. Apparently there is a ton of mercury in tuna and you shouldn't get near the stuff. Actually, tuna is harmless. No, tuna is healthy and you should ingest every morsel that you can get your deformed mercury tainted hands on. No one can agree, including the EPA and the FDA, both who are lobbied big time by the fish industry. My advice, eat more steak. (Mad Cow disease is only found in ground beef and only in the nasty parts of the cow you would find disgusting anyway. I think that's what they said on the Oprah Show.)

Another day, another scare tactic by the media to screw and guilt you out the things you enjoy. If you're not overweight than you're probably bulemic, or worse, anorexic. Well, you're sure in the hell not ideal because then you'd never have a reason to watch CNN or buy a newspaper.

You know what I think? Being a bit overweight is good for you.* All that fat and grease lubes up the joints. It keeps the heart nice and moist. It probably keeps those neurotransmitters flowing through the brain all slick like. What happens when you fail to put oil in a car? It seizes up and dies. How many stories have we read about strong, "healthy" young athletes falling over dead of heart attacks? Well, a couple anyway. Preservatives? Yum! Gobble up those Twinkies. If preservatives can keep a Twinkie "fresh" for five years, think what a box or two of the treats will do for your skin and arteries. If we believe the media, terrorists are going to set off a dirty bomb any day now. Therefore, any gut hanging out is a sign of a responsible and prepared individual with necessary reserves in case of emergency. At a minimum, we all should be storing some Twinkies and MSG along with the duct tape and bottled water (one gallon, per person, per day!) in our paranoid-if-there's-a-thermal-nuclear-war-you-don't-want-to-live-anyway-survival-kit.

*Polly, like the medical community and the media, is talking out of her ass and has no absolute proof to back up her claims.