*
Out of some mistaken sense of love and charity, I am taking care of four kids today. It's been a half an hour. I'm ready for them to leave. It is too hot to stay outside for more than fifteen minutes, so I must endure wails of glee (which I like) and wails of horror (which I don't) at close range. The problem is that it is very difficult to distinguish between the two. They are both blood curdling.
I am trying to stay patient and positive. I want to hold out as long as I can, so I can give some of my favorite Moms a much needed break. You guys owe me. Alcohol. The good stuff. None of that wussy crap you brought last time that tastes like stale Jolly Ranchers.
I've decided to list MY FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT SUMMER, in no particular order. I'm hoping it will relax me. Here goes:
1. Little girls wearing swimsuits with those cute ruffle skirts attached.
2. Night time BBQs on the deck.
3. Buff guys not wearing shirts while doing yard work.
4. Flip flops.
5. Late night ice cream trips to Emo's or Lou's.
6. My neighbor's laundry hanging on the line.
7. Lightning bugs.
8. Kids shouting "CANNONBALL!" at the neighborhood pool.
9. Porch swings.
10. Lime popsicles.
11. Hammocks.
12. Wearing anything made of gingham.
13. Tan lines.
14. Road trips.
15. Visiting people excited to see you - just because you share a last name.
16. Homemade ice cream.
17. Strapless sun dresses.
18. Wide brim straw hats.
19. Rainbow sprinklers - especially with kids running through them.
20. Really, really, really cold beer.
Friday, July 22
Thursday, July 21
Further proof that pay backs are a bitch
*
Ran$burg has applied to fill the vacancy on the District 150 school board. If rumor and gossip hold water, it looks like he has the votes to get the job.
Ran$burg would be representing the District 3 spot which covers the most northern area of District 150, one of the few places Ran$burg enjoyed strong support in his last failed mayoral campaign. Yup. This means Ran$burg has a good shot at winning the seat come election time should he choose to pay -er- I mean run for it.
I don't think Porky Pig really wants the job. Ran$burg never went out of his way to support the public schools as a councilman or mayor. At debates and forums he pretty much picked his snout, scratched his butt, and said -more or less- "Without more money, there's not a lot the City can do to help public schools." Which leaves me wondering and (grasping at false hope) why in the hell current school board members would gift him the job?!
I think this is just pay back, pure and simple. Because of his reason for seeking the position, I don't believe Ran$burg will make much of a difference on the school board. It does suck that we are going to have to endure his image in local media for the foreseeable future.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
Ran$burg has applied to fill the vacancy on the District 150 school board. If rumor and gossip hold water, it looks like he has the votes to get the job.
Ran$burg would be representing the District 3 spot which covers the most northern area of District 150, one of the few places Ran$burg enjoyed strong support in his last failed mayoral campaign. Yup. This means Ran$burg has a good shot at winning the seat come election time should he choose to pay -er- I mean run for it.
I don't think Porky Pig really wants the job. Ran$burg never went out of his way to support the public schools as a councilman or mayor. At debates and forums he pretty much picked his snout, scratched his butt, and said -more or less- "Without more money, there's not a lot the City can do to help public schools." Which leaves me wondering and (grasping at false hope) why in the hell current school board members would gift him the job?!
I think this is just pay back, pure and simple. Because of his reason for seeking the position, I don't believe Ran$burg will make much of a difference on the school board. It does suck that we are going to have to endure his image in local media for the foreseeable future.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
Wednesday, July 20
Polly's Paranoia
*
The Wall Street Jounal has my panties in a bunch. Because of two articles I sort of wish I hadn't read, I've been biting my nails and pacing all day.
The WSJ pointed out that those of us who have followed the old "Save ten percent for retirement" rule apparently will be up Crap Creek during our golden years. Far fewer companies give pensions these days, and those that do have severely cut their contributions. Moreover, one way or another Social Security will have to change to meet demand. The amount of benefits will probably be reduced and the age which one receives them will be increased. So, at least 20% of take home pay needs to be banked for retirement alone. (This assumes one's mortgage will be paid off.)
Add to the pressure this factoid: Harvard University now charges $41,000 per year. The figure includes books, tuition, room and board. College tuition increases have been higher than the rate of inflation for years. Harvard and its counterparts will likely be charging $220,000 for a four year undergraduate degree within ten years. This means that even if you plan on sending your offspring to a good, solid state school you're looking at paying a lot more money than previously thought.
So, if you don't want to eat cat food once you're old and gray and you want to send Junior and Juniorette to the college of their choice, banking 50% of your take home pay is a good idea.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
I want to know how people are doing this. I see so many big screen t.v.'s, SUVs, and mini McMansions these days. The WSJ reports that Americans on average save very little. What's everyone's plan?
How does a parent look at their kid who has worked hard for his/her future and say, "Sorry. It's community college for you. That's all we can afford," when Dad has a Lexus parked in the garage? Do people think cat food will become tasty in their old age? Or, are they counting on their debt ridden and/or uneducated adult children to support them?
The American economy is getting freakier and freakier. I think we are growing ever nearer to the moment when something has got to give.
The Wall Street Jounal has my panties in a bunch. Because of two articles I sort of wish I hadn't read, I've been biting my nails and pacing all day.
The WSJ pointed out that those of us who have followed the old "Save ten percent for retirement" rule apparently will be up Crap Creek during our golden years. Far fewer companies give pensions these days, and those that do have severely cut their contributions. Moreover, one way or another Social Security will have to change to meet demand. The amount of benefits will probably be reduced and the age which one receives them will be increased. So, at least 20% of take home pay needs to be banked for retirement alone. (This assumes one's mortgage will be paid off.)
Add to the pressure this factoid: Harvard University now charges $41,000 per year. The figure includes books, tuition, room and board. College tuition increases have been higher than the rate of inflation for years. Harvard and its counterparts will likely be charging $220,000 for a four year undergraduate degree within ten years. This means that even if you plan on sending your offspring to a good, solid state school you're looking at paying a lot more money than previously thought.
So, if you don't want to eat cat food once you're old and gray and you want to send Junior and Juniorette to the college of their choice, banking 50% of your take home pay is a good idea.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
I want to know how people are doing this. I see so many big screen t.v.'s, SUVs, and mini McMansions these days. The WSJ reports that Americans on average save very little. What's everyone's plan?
How does a parent look at their kid who has worked hard for his/her future and say, "Sorry. It's community college for you. That's all we can afford," when Dad has a Lexus parked in the garage? Do people think cat food will become tasty in their old age? Or, are they counting on their debt ridden and/or uneducated adult children to support them?
The American economy is getting freakier and freakier. I think we are growing ever nearer to the moment when something has got to give.
Outsourcing the CEO
I found a fantastic article in the Wall Street Journal this morning. Carol Hymowitz noticed that a lot of companies have been whining about the costs of employees. They owe it to their shareholder's to go with the cheapest labor possible. Hello Mexico, China, and Taiwan. Fair enough, but what about the CEO?
Time to take a closer look at the portfolio.
"The median salary plus cash bonus for U.S. CEOs in office for at least a year totaled $2.3 million in 2004. That compares with $1.2 million for the heads of U.K. companies, $857,000 for the French, and $386,000 for the Swedish. Indian CEOs earn a median salary and bonus of $88,117 compared with $317,864 for the heads of Japanese companies, $302,078 at Hong Kong companies and $263,301 at Singapore concerns."I'm all for capitalism and the free market. I'm a firm believer in the laws of supply and demand. If you work hard at something and do it better than anyone else, you should be compensated for it. If you suck, you should be boot kicked out the door. However, Hymowitz found that CEO pay is NOT linked to performance, far from it.
"Newly named CEOs are guaranteed a trough of money before they've done any work. When they fail and are dismissed, they are handed even more money."Huh? I'm sorry, what alter universe did I fall into? Where did the free market go?
"...At Morgan Stanley, where ex CEO Phil Purcell received a severance and retirement package estimated at $106 million, including a new $44 million cash bonus for being shown the door. Former Co-President Steve Crawford is walking away with two years of severance estimated at $32 million after 3 1/2 months on that job."Why aren't shareholders screaming? Why would any board of directors ever so grandly reward incompetence? After so many recent scandals at major corporations, i.e., ADM, Adelphia, WorldCom, Tyco, Healthsouth, Enron -to name a just few- why is such flagrant corporate greed allowed, tolerated, even flourishing? I'm not a communist. I don't believe we should all get paid the same wage. Doctors should be paid more than garbage collectors. Yet, if salaries are no longer tied to performance, and the laws of supply and demand are now moot, shouldn't this be bigger news to economists?
Time to take a closer look at the portfolio.
Pretty women find something interesting to do in Pekin
*
This must be big news or it wouldn't be on the front page of the Journal Star. The Miss Marigold pageant has been canceled. They can't find eight Pekin women interested in owning the title.
Er, maybe times have changed and women ages 17 to 21 don't think a competition that involves parading around in a puffy dress is worth a $1,000 scholarship. Perhaps WOMEN age 17 to 21 would be considered the biggest dweeb in town if they actually wore the tiara.
Here's a hint to Pekin pageant organizers: Lower the age limit or seriously up the prize money. Little girls love to play dress up. A woman needs more motivation than the mere possibility of $1,000 to invest in a gown, painful waxing, hair teasing, face spackling and then waving for hours with a fake smile plastered on her face.
I've got nothing against pageants, Miss America included. I imagine it's a lot of hard work to get to the top of the pageant circuit. I bet years ago the Pekin pageant had tons of willing, excited contestants.
I also think it is fantastic that girls and women are finding more productive, interesting and important ways to spend their lives.
This must be big news or it wouldn't be on the front page of the Journal Star. The Miss Marigold pageant has been canceled. They can't find eight Pekin women interested in owning the title.
Er, maybe times have changed and women ages 17 to 21 don't think a competition that involves parading around in a puffy dress is worth a $1,000 scholarship. Perhaps WOMEN age 17 to 21 would be considered the biggest dweeb in town if they actually wore the tiara.
Here's a hint to Pekin pageant organizers: Lower the age limit or seriously up the prize money. Little girls love to play dress up. A woman needs more motivation than the mere possibility of $1,000 to invest in a gown, painful waxing, hair teasing, face spackling and then waving for hours with a fake smile plastered on her face.
I've got nothing against pageants, Miss America included. I imagine it's a lot of hard work to get to the top of the pageant circuit. I bet years ago the Pekin pageant had tons of willing, excited contestants.
I also think it is fantastic that girls and women are finding more productive, interesting and important ways to spend their lives.
This is a really bad sign...
*
You know your State's Attorney is a pansy when defense attorneys rally behind him. The PJ Star ran a front page article hailing Kevin Lyons as tough on solicitation and prostitution. The problem is that the very same lawyers Johns run to when they get arrested think Lyons is doing a bang up job. They like Lyons. They want to keep him around. Gosh. I wonder why. Could it be that their clients fare well under the current regime?
The article also states that the States Attorney's Office doesn't keep statistical data on the types of cases it prosecutes. REALLY? So, how do we know if you're doing your job at all?
Assistant State's Attorney Steve Pattelli estimates that their office charges 95% of those who are arrested for solicitation. That's a juicy number. I wonder why Journal Star reporter Andy Kravetz didn't file a Freedom of Information request and confirm it?
In the off chance a diligent reporter checks, and the numbers aren't near that grand, Lyons already has a backup excuse: It's the law's fault. Legislators believe that Johns are not as reprehensible as prostitutes and therefore the law treats them less harshly.
I don't care. Prosecute them anyway. Call their wives and employers. Post 'em on the web. Impound their cars. Here's a thought: Do what works. At the very least do something!
You know your State's Attorney is a pansy when defense attorneys rally behind him. The PJ Star ran a front page article hailing Kevin Lyons as tough on solicitation and prostitution. The problem is that the very same lawyers Johns run to when they get arrested think Lyons is doing a bang up job. They like Lyons. They want to keep him around. Gosh. I wonder why. Could it be that their clients fare well under the current regime?
The article also states that the States Attorney's Office doesn't keep statistical data on the types of cases it prosecutes. REALLY? So, how do we know if you're doing your job at all?
Assistant State's Attorney Steve Pattelli estimates that their office charges 95% of those who are arrested for solicitation. That's a juicy number. I wonder why Journal Star reporter Andy Kravetz didn't file a Freedom of Information request and confirm it?
In the off chance a diligent reporter checks, and the numbers aren't near that grand, Lyons already has a backup excuse: It's the law's fault. Legislators believe that Johns are not as reprehensible as prostitutes and therefore the law treats them less harshly.
I don't care. Prosecute them anyway. Call their wives and employers. Post 'em on the web. Impound their cars. Here's a thought: Do what works. At the very least do something!
Please Sir, can I have some more?
*
Tonya Alexander was apparently absent from kindergarten the day her teacher gave the "Just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't mean you should," lecture. Tonya is whining because she received a $125 littering fine for tossing a cigarette butt out of her car window. Tonya doesn't know any other filthy, inconsiderate smokers/jackasses who have received the same penalty. Let me see if I can work up a tear for this poor, hapless victim who thinks the planet (or at least the intersection of War Memorial and Knoxville) is her personal ashtray. Nope. Notta.
According to Phil Luciano only eight littering tickets have been written by cops this year. No wonder the East Bluff is so filthy. Now this is a fine I can get behind. Hell, in Peoria this type of fine could make the City some serious money. Phil doesn't think "we want police wasting time by hunting litterers." Really? Sounds good to me. He also "doubt(s) the department is about to post mug shots of litterers on its Web page, next to prostitution aficionados." Just a web page? Can't we get a bill board too?
Some Cities pay the salaries of meter maids and traffic cops from the fines they collect. Why not hire a Litter Squad? It could pay for itself and then some. I took a road trip through Georgia last week. I didn't see any litter on the side of the highway. However, I did see plenty of signs stating "$500 Fine for Littering."
If Peoria could hail itself the "Cleanest City in the Midwest" it would do a lot to bring in new businesses and residents. Lets begin by making Tonya Alexander pay her fine, put on an orange vest, and pick up other people's roadside trash for a week.
Tonya Alexander was apparently absent from kindergarten the day her teacher gave the "Just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't mean you should," lecture. Tonya is whining because she received a $125 littering fine for tossing a cigarette butt out of her car window. Tonya doesn't know any other filthy, inconsiderate smokers/jackasses who have received the same penalty. Let me see if I can work up a tear for this poor, hapless victim who thinks the planet (or at least the intersection of War Memorial and Knoxville) is her personal ashtray. Nope. Notta.
According to Phil Luciano only eight littering tickets have been written by cops this year. No wonder the East Bluff is so filthy. Now this is a fine I can get behind. Hell, in Peoria this type of fine could make the City some serious money. Phil doesn't think "we want police wasting time by hunting litterers." Really? Sounds good to me. He also "doubt(s) the department is about to post mug shots of litterers on its Web page, next to prostitution aficionados." Just a web page? Can't we get a bill board too?
Some Cities pay the salaries of meter maids and traffic cops from the fines they collect. Why not hire a Litter Squad? It could pay for itself and then some. I took a road trip through Georgia last week. I didn't see any litter on the side of the highway. However, I did see plenty of signs stating "$500 Fine for Littering."
If Peoria could hail itself the "Cleanest City in the Midwest" it would do a lot to bring in new businesses and residents. Lets begin by making Tonya Alexander pay her fine, put on an orange vest, and pick up other people's roadside trash for a week.
Monday, July 18
IMHO: The HOI fair is NASTY
*
Someone has to say this plainly. The HOI Fair is gross. Yes, it has its good parts: Bill's Lemonade Shake-ups, 4-H displays, agriculture and animal competitions. Lets be honest. Most of us don't go for the educational features. Few would be surprised to find some year soon that such exhibitions aren't offered anymore. Most of us go because something new is in town. We envision a temporary miniature Disney World waiting to wow and entertain. We go for the corn dogs and the rides.
Expect to pay Disney prices. However, unlike Disney, the grounds won't be clean. They say that the rides are inspected, but they sure haven't been washed. Did anyone see the inflatable "Titanic" slide? If you let your kid on it, I recommend de-lousing and testing for disease. I bit my nails as my excited young niece took a seat on the tower ride. Is it wise to let an innocent child ride this thing when the operator has mossy teeth (literally) and a prison tattoo? I could have easily spent the same amount of money at Six Flags as I did at the Fair and not have had to endure near the same filth or seedy people. Six Flags employs engineers and the inspectors always know where to find the rides.
What rock did some of these employees/operators crawl from under? Some of the clientele was a bit freaky too. I feared that if I let go of my niece's hand, the next time I would see her would be on the side of a milk carton. Advice to those who wish to show off their belly rings/tattoos: If you can pinch more than an inch (or five) DON'T DO IT. Such ornamentation is designed for the very young and taut. Those who don't qualify (myself included) should be banned by law from such displays. Yeah, well your first amendment right to free speech doesn't trump my right to not be blinded for life, Buddy.
There was some whining/reporting regarding low attendance this year. They tried to blame it on the heat, but it's always hot in July. Moreover, nights are quite tolerable. Nights are when the real freaks attend and I bet few parents are willing to subject their young to such an environment. My guess is that Peoria has caught on to the fact that the cost of attending the fair far exceeds its value. To all the carneys out there: Get a clue, get out the Formula 409, or go out of business.
Someone has to say this plainly. The HOI Fair is gross. Yes, it has its good parts: Bill's Lemonade Shake-ups, 4-H displays, agriculture and animal competitions. Lets be honest. Most of us don't go for the educational features. Few would be surprised to find some year soon that such exhibitions aren't offered anymore. Most of us go because something new is in town. We envision a temporary miniature Disney World waiting to wow and entertain. We go for the corn dogs and the rides.
Expect to pay Disney prices. However, unlike Disney, the grounds won't be clean. They say that the rides are inspected, but they sure haven't been washed. Did anyone see the inflatable "Titanic" slide? If you let your kid on it, I recommend de-lousing and testing for disease. I bit my nails as my excited young niece took a seat on the tower ride. Is it wise to let an innocent child ride this thing when the operator has mossy teeth (literally) and a prison tattoo? I could have easily spent the same amount of money at Six Flags as I did at the Fair and not have had to endure near the same filth or seedy people. Six Flags employs engineers and the inspectors always know where to find the rides.
What rock did some of these employees/operators crawl from under? Some of the clientele was a bit freaky too. I feared that if I let go of my niece's hand, the next time I would see her would be on the side of a milk carton. Advice to those who wish to show off their belly rings/tattoos: If you can pinch more than an inch (or five) DON'T DO IT. Such ornamentation is designed for the very young and taut. Those who don't qualify (myself included) should be banned by law from such displays. Yeah, well your first amendment right to free speech doesn't trump my right to not be blinded for life, Buddy.
There was some whining/reporting regarding low attendance this year. They tried to blame it on the heat, but it's always hot in July. Moreover, nights are quite tolerable. Nights are when the real freaks attend and I bet few parents are willing to subject their young to such an environment. My guess is that Peoria has caught on to the fact that the cost of attending the fair far exceeds its value. To all the carneys out there: Get a clue, get out the Formula 409, or go out of business.
Monday, July 11
Run, Ray, Run!
Lahood may have caught on. He probably won't win the gov's seat. I think the Republican party would be wise to go with Judy Bar Topinka. Topinka was the only Republican left standing after Gov. George Ryan was revealed to be a corrupt bucket of slime.
Nonetheless, I was really, really, REALLY praying that Ray would run. Lets play musical chairs.
Yes, it would be lovely to get Kevin Lyons out of his current job as State's Attorney. I agree with Bill Dennis on this one. Lyons is a wimp who won't prosecute any case that he isn't assured of winning. Sucks for those of us who live near crack houses. Everyone seems to know WHERE the crack houses are in Peoria, yet Lyons doesn't feel he can PROVE where they are. Good prosecutors have to take risks, not hide behind a misleading win/loss record. (Bless 3rd District Councilman Bob Manning for saying this out loud.)
It would be nice to see Patrick Nichting get Leitch's seat. State Rep. Leitch wants LaHood's current seat. It would be sad to lose a essential services council member, but I can't imagine the 5th District would elect anyone who wasn't a basic services candidate. He is a bit too conservative for my taste, but Nichting represents the wishes of tax fearing North Peoria and Tazwell County well. Nichting would have an excellent chance of winning.
Even better than relieving Lyons and Leitch of their duties would be the non stop fun of a John Morris run for LaHood's current seat. Morris probably wouldn't be able to retain his current City Council post in the next City election, but watching him grandstand for Congress would be hilarious. Apparently, Morris has decided to go after a bigger audience who doesn't know him like we do. Sadly this has worked for other politicians, but I don't think Morris can pull it off. Although he recites the rhetoric of his party and carries the Chamber of Commerce's water whenever possible, Morris is all fluff and no substance. Still, it would be an entertaining way to boot kick him off the Council.
Run, Ray. Run!
Nonetheless, I was really, really, REALLY praying that Ray would run. Lets play musical chairs.
Yes, it would be lovely to get Kevin Lyons out of his current job as State's Attorney. I agree with Bill Dennis on this one. Lyons is a wimp who won't prosecute any case that he isn't assured of winning. Sucks for those of us who live near crack houses. Everyone seems to know WHERE the crack houses are in Peoria, yet Lyons doesn't feel he can PROVE where they are. Good prosecutors have to take risks, not hide behind a misleading win/loss record. (Bless 3rd District Councilman Bob Manning for saying this out loud.)
It would be nice to see Patrick Nichting get Leitch's seat. State Rep. Leitch wants LaHood's current seat. It would be sad to lose a essential services council member, but I can't imagine the 5th District would elect anyone who wasn't a basic services candidate. He is a bit too conservative for my taste, but Nichting represents the wishes of tax fearing North Peoria and Tazwell County well. Nichting would have an excellent chance of winning.
Even better than relieving Lyons and Leitch of their duties would be the non stop fun of a John Morris run for LaHood's current seat. Morris probably wouldn't be able to retain his current City Council post in the next City election, but watching him grandstand for Congress would be hilarious. Apparently, Morris has decided to go after a bigger audience who doesn't know him like we do. Sadly this has worked for other politicians, but I don't think Morris can pull it off. Although he recites the rhetoric of his party and carries the Chamber of Commerce's water whenever possible, Morris is all fluff and no substance. Still, it would be an entertaining way to boot kick him off the Council.
Run, Ray. Run!
Thursday, July 7
Terrorists are idiots
I wonder if any terrorist has ever read a history book. Terrorism doesn't appear to be a very successful tactic.
Right or wrong, the Jews are still in Israel, the English are still in Northern Ireland, and the U.S. and friends are still bombing/occupying Iraq and Afghanistan.
The only time I can recall terrorism being successful was the bombing in Spain which killed hundreds. Spain reacted by electing a new president that vowed to take Spain out of the Gulf War and then did so. Spaniards might as well have erected huge banners that read, "Terrorism works! We are big cowards! Please come have your way with us!"
For most nations, terrorism only strengthens resolve. After today's terrorist bombings in London, bet the farm that the British will send more troops to Iraq, not less. Anger tends to have a bad effect on aim, so more blood will be spilled, not less. They will be a stronger U.S. ally, not weaker.
Way to go whoever you are. You have reinvigorated your previously exhausted enemy.
Time to go back to cowering in your caves.
Right or wrong, the Jews are still in Israel, the English are still in Northern Ireland, and the U.S. and friends are still bombing/occupying Iraq and Afghanistan.
The only time I can recall terrorism being successful was the bombing in Spain which killed hundreds. Spain reacted by electing a new president that vowed to take Spain out of the Gulf War and then did so. Spaniards might as well have erected huge banners that read, "Terrorism works! We are big cowards! Please come have your way with us!"
For most nations, terrorism only strengthens resolve. After today's terrorist bombings in London, bet the farm that the British will send more troops to Iraq, not less. Anger tends to have a bad effect on aim, so more blood will be spilled, not less. They will be a stronger U.S. ally, not weaker.
Way to go whoever you are. You have reinvigorated your previously exhausted enemy.
Time to go back to cowering in your caves.
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