"The Retreat and Defeat" Video

There is nothing more American than dissent. Nonetheless the Republicans have come up with some powerful stuff. Watch it here.

Tonight's Bedtime Story: The Little Red Hen, Modern Version

Brought to you from an anonymous e-mailer.

The Little Red Hen-Modern Version

Once upon a time, on a farm in Texas, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.

She called all of her neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?"

"Not I," said the cow.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Not I," said the pig.
"Not I," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen. And so she did. The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.

"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I," said the duck.
"Out of my classification," said the pig.
"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.
"I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.

At last it came time to bake the bread.

"Who will help me bake the bread! ?" asked the little red hen.

"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.
"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.
"I'm a dropout & never learned how," said the pig.
"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen. She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see. They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, "No, I shall eat all five loaves."

"Excess profits!" cried the cow.
"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck.
"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose.
The pig just grunted in disdain.
And they all painted "Unfair!" picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

Then a government agent came, he said to the little red hen, "You must not be so greedy."

"But I earned the bread," said the little red hen.

"Exactly," said the agent. "That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle,"

And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, "I am grateful, for now I truly understand,"

But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread because she joined the "party" and got her bread free.

And all the Democrats smiled.

'Fairness' had been established.

Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared.....as long as there was free bread that "the rich" were paying for.

Hey Boss, I'll pick my own charities, thank you.

I want to be careful here. Yes, Polly is going to make a rare attempt to be sensitive! I like charity. Well, I like some charitable organizations, that is. Some charities have the ethics of Enron. Anyone remember a few years back when it was discovered one huge charity's CEO not only reaped a fat salary but was driven to meetings in a limo at the Charity's expense? I give my money to those causes that touch my heart, meet my required ratio of dollars spent to benefit those in need vs. Administration costs, and those charities that support causes I find moral and just.

So, this is Christmas. Everywhere I go, there seems to be a cover charge. Some poor freezing soul ringing a bell is standing outside the door of every nearly every retail business, soliciting our spare change, each and every time we need a gallon of milk from the grocery store, a prescription from the pharmacy, a new coat for junior at the mall. Fine. But has anyone else noticed that these folks are getting a bit aggressive?

Yesterday I went to the grocery store with only a twenty dollar bill, fresh from the ATM, for the sole purpose of paying for my purchase. At the entrance stood Mom and teenage daughter vehemently/obnoxiously ringing the bell. It was my intention to hit the kettle on my way out with change left over from my purchase. However, after failing to donate on my way in, I received a very loud and sarcastic, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Okaaaay. There is a difference between charitable giving and extortion, right? I was entering a grocery store and not Neiman Marcus, who is this person to assume I am even in a position to donate? What does she know about my personal financial situation?

I can forgive because I know I would be a bit cranky if I was stuck outside in the freezing cold ringing a bell for hours. Although I do love (insert sarcasm here) when corporate departments announce the fact they are out ringing the bells or doing the good works. Lately I've seen banners propped over the kettles that read, "The Service Department at Joe Blow Automotive and the Salvation Army want you to know that need has no season." Ah, we must have public credit and accolades for our charitable works now (otherwise known as advertising). Can anyone say, TACKY?

Another annoying tactic of charitable giving is at the office. My office is filled with crap, some of it expensive, that I don't need or want. All because co-workers have kids who are forced into fund raising. If you want to leave your kid's brochure soliciting a $12.00 1 ft x 1 ft roll of wrapping paper on the bulletin board in the cafeteria, fine. Actually going from desk to desk, co-worker to co-worker is inappropriate, even if you are doing it on your lunch hour. Frankly, how about you don't force me to donate to your kid's school and I won't force you to donate to my kid's soccer team? After all, don't our donations cancel each other out? It is my tradition to throw this un-used crap out at the first of the year in my annual office clean up. Typically I add at least one big, green Hefty size trash bag to the landfill of non-biodegradable crap I felt forced to buy. This year's eco hazard will include a case of popcorn, a roll of hideous wrapping paper, a tin of stale chocolate, an un-used sappy calendar, some smelly candles, a butt ugly poster of a puppy, a really stupid booklet of inspirational quotes ("The shortest distance between two people is a smile!), a faded ribbon magnet, two boxes of cookies -which I thought I would actually like but tasted like chemicals mixed with plastic-, and my personal favorite - a mug which states, "I support Jerry's Kids every day in every way." If I slurped my coffee from that mug at the office, wouldn't it be bragging? Why not just wear my tax return around my neck which sites all the causes I've supported throughout the year?

I'm sure all of these causes are worthwhile, but do I have to purchase crap instead of just handing over a few bucks? Since when did we send our kids to school in order to sell stuff instead of learn? Have no doubt, most of this is crap is forced on kids, who force it on parents to sell. Why not pay $45.00 bucks to join the soccer team instead of $20.00 and then send Junior out door to door to raise the rest? When I told an assistant that I really didn't have a need for more chocolate, as my ass is the size of Texas, but said, "I'd be happy to give money instead", she broke into a sweat and replied, "I don't think I'm allowed to do that."

I absolutely despise forced giving by my employer. If the corporation I work for wants to make a corporate donation to a cause, dandy. Matching gifts? Okay. What I find despicable is the practice of circulating sign up sheets to ring bells next to a kettle, help build a house, or an appeal to donate cash along with a memo from the boss, saying something to the effect of, "Our department has long been a generous supporter of X Charity. Please join me in continuing this tradition." You know your boss is going be looking at the list and checking it twice. The subliminal message, "Support my cause if you want me to support your career."

I go to work in order to do my job and make money. It is my employer's right to tell me what and how to do my job. It is completely inappropriate for my employer to even suggest how I should spend or donate MY money. It is a private matter. I'm sure my company would retort, "We are just trying to make it convenient for our employee to give to good causes." Yeah, thanks Boss, but you thought I was competent enough to hire, don't you think I can find the address for March of Dimes in phone book if I want to send them a check?

One big company in town has a long standing relationship with one big national charity. This charity has been taken to the mat in the past for overpaid executives. The charity also supports some controversial causes and neglects others. Regardless of your beliefs, should you feel that your career may suffer because you don't want to donate to a cause that supports Planned Parenthood but not the Boy Scouts? Maybe you want to give all you can to the Alzheimer's Association. The point is, how one chooses to spend and donate their time and money should be a private matter, not a career move.

Charity should be a heartfelt gift, not a bribe.

My Christmas present to Gary Sandberg.

Giselle and I thank you for not making this Tuesday night as painful as last Tuesday.

Something yummy to warm up the ladies...

I know, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Oh Baby, It's cold outside!

For my male readers, I found a nice snow bunny for you...

This can't be good.

When I was a young girl I thought Shaun Cassidy was cute. Now that I am a middle aged woman, Shaun Cassidy looks like a young girl. Someone call Freud.

IN MY HUMBLE OPINION: CHASE INGERSOLL IS AN EVIL BASTARD

I just received a very informative e-mail that has incensed me beyond belief. Per a Judge's order, The City has posted signs at the Grandview Hotel stating that the property has been legally deemed a chronic nuisance and will be closing at 12:01 a.m. on December 14th. The City's post also advises guests to find other accommodations before that time.

Chase Ingersoll, an arrogant twit who thinks himself both witty and clever, posted his own signs next to The City's. Ingersoll's signs read: "No Worries. No closure. Appeal filed. Appeals take about one year. Enjoy your stay at the Grandview. Merry X-mas. Chase Ingersoll."

Even the disbarred Ingersoll must know that filing an appeal by no means guarantees that a closure won't take place. Judge Barra would have to stay his own order to close the hotel and Chase would have to post bond while the appeal is pending. Of course, as always, greater legal minds (and there are many) may disagree. For those of you on Chase's side and believe Ingersoll to be the injured party in this whole mess, remember, NOTHING IS CERTAIN WHEN IT COMES TO THE LEGAL SYSTEM. If justice was certain, and the law expedient, O.J. Simpson would be rotting in a prison cell at the moment instead of playing another round of golf in Malibu.

"So," you say, "What is the big deal? So these folks get evicted? There will be some social service agency out there to take displaced Grandview Guests in." Don't be so sure. My source says that the American Red Cross will not be picking up the slack should these thirty or so people be evicted into the freezing cold a few days before Christmas. Why? The American Red Cross is for disaster relief. Think fire, flood, hurricane, earthquake and so forth. Being conned out of your last dime by an arrogant wannabe lawyer/landlord apparently doesn't count. (In all fairness to the American Red Cross, if it had to pick up the slack and provide shelter for every financially irresponsible citizen in this country it would cease to exist as a relief agency after about five minutes.)

So you say, "Well, they can go to a homeless shelter, right?" Wrong. I am told that due to the extreme cold, shelters in the area are filled to capacity.

Ingersoll has convinced some Grandview residents that they have legal protection that may or may not exist. He has told them "not to worry." He has stated, in writing, there will be "no closure." Ingersoll's fall back should he be proven (once again) wrong? Blame the City. Blame the neighborhood.

Ingersoll has been afforded due process. He was put on the stand and cross examined. The Judge found Ingersoll was not the clear owner of the Hotel, and even if Ingersoll is able to prove just ownership at some point, the Hotel must still close. You can disagree with the Judge. It doesn't change the fact that Ingersoll feels he is apparently above the law, has the power to ignore a Judge's order, and if a few folks freeze to death under a bridge in Peoria (yes, it has happened here in the past) all so that Chase can "prove" himself right, so be it. Keep in mind, Ingersoll has filed a number of motions regarding the Grandview. Thus far, he has lost all of them.

Ingersoll is by no way an innocent party. He knew he was buying a Hotel that had been declared a nuisance and ordered to close. He was happy about it. He stated numerous times to the media that the City's legal pursuit and victory had allowed him to buy the property cheap.

The City, Neighborhood, and Judge are in an impossible situation. If the Hotel is not forced to close, the message to every single slumlord out there will be, "Don't worry about that silly chronic nuisance ordinance. If you are found guilty, just quick claim the property's deedt over to your wife, crack whore, dealer, or dope buddy and fill the joint with poor people in the middle of winter. No worries, Dude."

Seemingly this is all a game to Chase. Chase Ingersoll is trying to game the system. A commenter wrote that Ingersoll was going around City Hall yesterday with a Grinch doll calling City Manager Randy Oliver, "The Grinch who stole Christmas." Ha. Ha. Very clever. Your superior intellect astounds us all.

You want to sink your own ship, Chase? Fine. Take thirty or so folks who don't know any better down with you? In my view, that more than sucks. It is evil.

Merry Xmas, to you too, you stupid, arrogant ass.

Nope. No money worries here folks. Nothing to see. Keep on moving.

Blago should be in jail for this stunt alone. Rod just approved a raise for non union state workers. This raise will cost you and me $14 million and, of course, it is NOT in the budget. This group had a raise in 2002 and now another one in an election year, of course.

Rod says the State can afford to do this now. The budget is balanced, after all, and Illinois financial condition is "improving."

What Blago really means is, "GUYS, RELAAAAAX! I STOLE ENOUGH MONEY FROM THE TEACHERS PENSION FUND FOR TWO WHOLE YEARS, not just one!" Yup. The State has plenty'o money in its coffers for this year and next because of Rod's foresight to steal enough money to cover his ass this year and next (election) year.

Kids, time for a pop quiz. The following question counts for 100% of your grade.


Former President Bill Clinton is a womanizing pig as Gov. Rod is to....

a. A lying sack of crap.

b. A thief and a lying sack of crap.

c. Chicago's favorite political whore, a thief, and a lying sack of crap.

Think of her at tonight's City Council meeting, Bill.

Poor Mr. Dennis. He will be up late again tonight, covering yet another round of Budget woes at City Hall. Look for more whining from Grayeb. Pray for more sarcastic wit from Ardis. Nichting will want everything but oppose any honest method of paying for it. Spears will be dreaming of Springfield. Gulley will be dreaming of a new tricycle for Christmas. Turner will be talking out of both sides of his mouth, hoping to keep his seat alive in the next election. VanAuken has learned to keep it short, smart,and sweet (yes, I noticed), Manning will continue to shine as Mr. Productive, Jacob will keep it all to himself, Morris will talk about everything, and as always stand for nothing, and Sandberg will play himself as a wildcard. Really, Bill, why go? It's cold outside. Scarlett wants to keep you warm at home.