Overheard at IHOP this morning...

My gut tells me that Pammy over at Lollygaggin' would really like this story.

I'm at IHOP, drinking coffee, reading the Wall Street Journal, and eavesdropping on the couple seated at table next to mine.

The Husband: (Who is staring at the ass of a cute, teenybopper waitress leaning over to wipe off a table), says to his wife, "I wish you would lose weight."

The Wife: (Who is giving a new born infant a bottle, has dark rings of sleep deprivation under her eyes, and is maybe 25 post partum pounds overweight, tops), replies, "I know how you feel. I wish you had a bigger penis."


Polly: Laughs so hard scalding coffee comes out nose.

P-Town Snarker Come On Down...

You're the next entry on my blog roll!


Yup. There's a new blogger in town. Welcome to the party P-Town Snarker. I've also added A Storm in the Port, and Lollygaggin' to my roll. I've been remiss in updating my template. Sorry.

Polly Put in Her Place by Peoria Chronicle.

I was going to do a fantastic, well researched, enlightened post about Mayor Ardis' plan to provide college scholarships to Peoria Public School graduates. Seriously, my post was going to blow everyone's socks off. The New York Times was going to contact me and offer -no- BEG me to join their staff.

As to be expected, C.J. Summer's beat me to it. I think this guy has the best researched blog in town. Could probably give the Journal Star a lesson or two.

And the PollyPeoria Golden Cockroach Award Goes To.... Chase Ingersoll (of course)

Chase Ingersoll has applied for a liquor license for the restaurant attached to the Grandview Hotel which he allegedly owns. As you probably know, the Grandview Hotel is now closed after it was declared -and numerous Judges concurred- a chronic nuisance.

Ingersoll has lost every court battle on the matter. Chase requested and was even granted a brand new Judge to hear his cause. The new Judge also found Ingersoll's claims/whining to be without merit. This makes four, maybe even five Judges who have basically told Chase Ingersoll he has no case.

The new tactic? Apply for a liquor license Ingersoll knows full well the City Council will never approve. Why? To launch yet another bogus, annoying lawsuit to consume City legal resources and time.

Village Idiot. No, an idiot would not be able to be so successful in sucking up the attention of Judges, lawyers, and media. It's sad that Ingersoll doesn't use his brains for something productive.

Ghandi? No, Ghandi was a real lawyer.

Jedi Warrior? In Chase's dreams, maybe.

Peoria's biggest, most annoying parasite? Yup.

Cockroaches are easier to get rid of than this guy.

And the PollyPeoria Award for Class Goes To.... Mike McCoy, Tom Kahn, Stanley W. Moritz

What? No jail time? Not even a ticket? No lawsuit? Not even one?! No one is blaming anyone? What age do these people think they are living in, an era of civility, responsibility and forgiveness?

The County Sheriff and his good buddy Mr. School Superintendent got hit by a pickup truck and were seriously injured while jogging together. Now these guys have some pull. They could make the driver miserable for rest of his life if they were so inclined. Sheriff McCoy suffered a broken pelvis. Polly has had a bruised pelvis. It hurt like hell. I don't even want to imagine what hot, white blinding pain a broken pelvis would cause. According to McCoy the worst part of the event wasn't the pain. The pelvic injury prevented McCoy from coming to the aid of his friend, Superintendent Tom Kahn, who was lying bleeding and unconscious from a head wound. Got to say, I think I might be a bit bitter.

What about the driver? Mr. Moritz immediately took responsibility. He saw the pain and turmoil he caused but didn't turn and run like a coward. He went straight to the aid of the men saying, "I hit you. I didn't see you." Wow. Unusual these days. Every insurance company instructs their clientele, "Do not take responsibility at the scene of an accident, even if you believe you are at fault." They teach this tactic in Driver's Education courses now. Pathetic.

Nonetheless, Mr. Moritz stands like a man and accepts his role. Me. I did it. I hurt you. I was looking to the left and you were on the right. I am an imperfect human being. Have no doubt Mr. Moritz could have been throwing out excuses left and right. Had it been me, I might have asked, "Why in the heck are you two jogging on a busy street?"

McCoy and Kahn take it on the chin. Actually, on the pelvis and skull to be precise. Are they suing the guy? Nah. It was an accident. A horrible, terrible, painful ACCIDENT. What, no demand for a Sidewalk Commission? Nah. Because, you see, it was an ACCIDENT. Even if there had been sidewalks, accidents will continue to happen.

Well, what about the brightly colored reflective vests the joggers were wearing? Come on, not even one lawsuit against the manufacture of the reflective vests? Surely they could have been louder, brighter, bolder? Sigh. No. Human beings have and will always make mistakes. Even if the pair had been running while carrying a hot pink and day glow green neon billboard which read, "JOGGERS HERE. PLEASE DON'T HIT US." horrible, terrible accidents will still happen.

Had the driver been using a cell phone at the time of the accident, well, yes, a ticket would be justified. If he had been recklessly speeding, yeah, we would want some penalty for the guy. If he had been drunk or ran away like a sniveling little kid instead of a mature adult, we would be screaming for jail time. But none of those things apply here. It was an unintended act with unforeseen consequences. You know, an ACCIDENT.

The two injured men? Back at work less than two weeks after the event. What? Not going to take every last morsel of sick/disability time off? What's the rush? Why not take it easy in the barcolounger for a few months? No one would blame you. You've earned it, Guys! Nah. Not the style of real men. Got to get back to work.

McCoy returned to work in a wheelchair wearing pajama bottoms. What a man.

Eyebrows Solves One of Life's Greater Mysteries.

Why does Easter fall on a different Sunday every year? Something I've always wanted to know, but was too lazy to research. I was a bit surprised to discover my priest didn't know either. Considering the answer, his ignorance is forgivable.

The answer is surprisingly pagan.

Dirty Bomb... SCUD Missile Attack.... CILCO Bill...

I am prepared. My home has a force field. Absolutely no drafts. No fresh air can penetrate my humble abode. Yes, my home is sealed with shrink wrap. Layers and layers of it. In the past I considered shrink wrapping one's windows with Saran Wrap and a hair dryer a bit tacky. Then, I got Novembers CILCO bill. Holy Mother of God, Saran Wrap never looked so fashionable! Shrink Wrapping the windows wasn't difficult, and unless you actually touch them, you really wouldn't notice the windows are covered in plastic. The kits have come a long way. It was kind of fun. The only bummer is that you have to decide whether you want your blinds open or closed for winter. My bedroom feels like a cave. On the other hand, my living room now offers no privacy. What do I care if the neighbors discover I like Judge Judy? I wonder what else I can shrink wrap around here....

I also figured out how to use my programmable thermostat. It looked complicated as hell, but it only took me about fifteen minutes to conquer. Now my house is freezing cold while I'm at work, warms up again shortly before I arrive home, returns to freezing as I slumber under several hundred blankets at night, and warms up again shortly before my alarm clock blasts me out of bed in the morning. The only bummer with this system is that late night trips to the bathroom are quite painful.

It isn't that I can't pay my heating bill. It's just that I'm determined not to give the greedy energy/oil bastards any more money than I have to. I received Decembers CILCO bill yesterday. Much better.

That's right, Russell....

You just go right ahead, rip off that pesky shirt! Here, let Polly help.

Polly's e-mail of the week\Restaurant Reviews

I received this interesting e-mail from the Executive Vice President of Mercedes Restaurants:

Dear Polly:

I heard through a friend that you recently ate at Bud's and were dissatisfied with the cost of your meal. I would like the opportunity to discuss this with you to find out what happened that evening. On just the information you wrote, I figure your bill should have been around $80.00.

Please call 676-6443 and leave me your phone number and a time it would be possible to call you.

Thanks,
Steve Shaw
Executive Vice President
Mercedes Restaurants, Inc.

Give the guy credit for customer service! I doubt there are many Executive Vice Presidents who would try to track down an allegedly unhappy customer in the bloggersphere! Mr. Shaw is referring to my January 9th post. I can't return your call and remain anonymous, Mr. Shaw, but I will republish my "review" of Bud's. Our bill may have been $80.00, but with tax and 20% tip we paid $90.00 (I checked the credit card statement) on the nose.

I wrote...

...A rather dull weekend. Just the way I like 'em. Slept in both days. Glorious. Never got around to doing laundry, cleaning my house, or disassembling the Christmas tree. Even better.

My Significant Other (S.O.) and I did get out last night. We had dinner at Bud's, coffee at Starbucks, and then saw Fun with Dick and Jane at the Rave. Dinner at Bud's was just okay. We had an appetizer of calamari, shared a porterhouse steak, and ordered a side of sauteed mushrooms. Our tab, with tax and tip came to $90.00. We had two beers as well, and our steak came with a house salad and some very good bread. Nonetheless, the decor, ambiance and quality of food doesn't come close to F. Scott's or some of the other numerous steakhouses in town. Some of them significantly less expensive. There was a decent crowd, but no where near what V.O.P.s used to draw in...

If it's any comfort Mr. Shaw, I didn't give high praise for the movie either.

There has been some chatter from readers about the new Mexican Restaurant on University, Vallarta's. (This blog attracts a lot of "Foodies" I tell you!) I ate there recently, quite tasty. Better than Jalapeno's or Fiesta Ranchero by far. Loved the shrimp burrito. If you want REAL Mexican cuisine you must venture to La Mexicana located on Jefferson and Mary. Not the best part of town, but not the worst either. Finally tried it after Bill Dennis wouldn't stop blogging about it. La Mexicana has AUTHENTIC Mexican food at dirt cheap prices. If they ever get wi-fi, I will probably live there. However, Vallarta's is more comfy and better for bigger groups. La Mexicana has about five tables.

After being pestered by co-workers for about a year, I finally ventured up to Seven on Prospect. I heard it was good but expensive. Polly is very cheap, spending money is painful. I agree with everyone. Seven on Prospect both good AND pricey. I loved everything I tried. I had the shrimp bisque, an amazing pasta dish which was called Pasta Gregiore (well, something "Greg" anyway). I've never had chicken so tender or tasty. Remembering marsala sauce and mushrooms in that dish are making my mouth water as I write this. Moreover, the pasta was aldente and not mushy! My Significant Other (S.O.) was good and had fish, salmon something. It looked amazing, but I didn't want to use up any stomach space for responsible, healthful fish when I could fill up on the Gregsomething Pasta. S.O. paid and would not share the total with me. Classy. However, S.O. did say that it was significantly less than Bud's. I'm guessing our two entrees were about $15.00 a piece, the bisque was $7.00, I had a Diet Coke, and S.O. had beer. We were served warm bread with butter and an olive spread. We were way too full dessert. I'm guestimating the total was around $50.00. An entire week's worth of groceries costs me the same, but I will be back nonetheless.

A tasty steak dinner for two, I can easily prepare at home for around $25.00. I wouldn't know where to start in order to prepare seafood bisque or Gregorysomething Chicken Pasta at any price.

Hey, Bill!

Heard you moved into a place down by the river. So, we want to know when and where is the house warming party?

As you can see, Scarlet got an arm wax and a new dress just for the occasion.

I Miss Dave's Blog

I really, really, REALLY miss it in fact. I kind of considered myself a part of the Dahl Family. Uh, actually, that might freak them out a bit. What I mean is checking up on the Dahl's always cheered my day. It also reminded me to stop feeling sorry for myself and to stop wallowing in my petty problems. I can't think of a better example of grace, strength, and even happiness found while facing adversity than the Dahls. Despite having a young son struggling with Batten Disease, the Dahl Family boldly marches through life heaping unconditional love on their kids while swatting down any barrier to joy that dares to cross their path. Their kids Clifford and "One-eye" are adorable.

My pathetic understanding of Batten Disease: It is a rare but fatal disease that slowly dissolves brain tissue. To me, it sort of sounds like Alzhiemer's that strikes young kids. If you want a better, more scientific explanation, click here.

I don't know why Dave gave up his blog - heaven knows he has a lot on his plate. I just want him to know that he is missed. So, To: Dave, Corrina, Clifford and One Eye - I just want you to know that I say a prayer for your wonderful family every day. Hope all is well. Stay strong.

Historical Society Thinks Buildings are More Precious than Children

Old, abestos buildings housing Peoria's kids six hours a day must be saved at all costs. District 150 must be stopped from destroying 19th century schools ill equipped to serve 21st century children. I heard on news radio this morning that the Peoria Hysteria Society is attempting to have three schools declared historical. Such a declaration would block District 150 from demolishing dilapidated schools in order to build schools designed to better educate children.

Gosh, if the Hysterical Society finds these old schools so precious, why don't they make an offer to buy them? Don't have the funds? Well, why don't you raise the necessary funds to buy them? Oh, there aren't nearly enough people willing to donate their hard earned dollars to save these old schools? Guess what? THEN YOU ARE (OR SHOULD BE) SCREWED.

Don't get me wrong. I love old buildings. Give me brick. Give me hardwood. Crown moulding. Cornices. Trees. Love and need all of them. However, if giving up my charming older home was necessary in order to provide a better education for my offspring, I would give it up. Kids come first. At least kids should come first. I notice the three schools the Hysterical Society are trying to save are in the poorer areas of town. Huh. I wonder how many Hysterical Society members have children enrolled in those schools?

Schools are meant to serve and educate students not monuments. I don't care if Whitter School was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright and he built it all by himself by hand (no, he didn't do either) if there isn't anyone out there willing to pay for the property, it has to go. It is more important to invest in the future than preserve the past.

Here is a little Grace Kelly to warm a cold, grey, Monday.

I dedicate this to all of you who believe that people weren't more discreet and well mannered during the the "Good Old Days". I ask, could you imagine this lady behaving in the same way as say, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt?


I want an outfit like this. Tasteful, classy, sexy. This is from Rear Window. Great movie. The only part I found unbelievable was Jimmy Stewart having any hesitation whatsoever about marrying Grace and devoting himself to her happiness for every second he was awake and alive.

I just KNEW there had to be a reason...

...too bad it isn't a good one.

I refrained from blogging regarding City Council's decision last week to at least temporarily stall the sale of a city owned vacant lot to a private hospital because I figured there had to be more to the story than was being told.

Just because the public isn't the first to know doesn't mean what government does on their behalf isn't noble or just. Negotiations, the art of the deal, requires timing and discretion. I thought perhaps the City wanted more time to check the buyer out, make sure they were a responsible entity that paid their bills on time and disposed of bio-hazard waste properly.

I raised an eyebrow when I learned OSF had concerns and asked the Council to stall. Frankly, if OSF has concerns, why don't they make an offer on the property or call up the would be buyer themselves?

No doubt, having three major hospitals is a big feather in Peoria's cap and they certainly do something to butter our bread. It is good to know and pay heed to those who butter your bread. So, I respectfully kept my mouth shut and waited for the full story.

I know, a mistake. Pessimism and government go hand in hand for a reason.

According to today's Word on the Street column in the P.J. Star, the sale is actually being held up by Methodist, who wants to do a big, better, version of the same type of facility as the would be buyer. Said facility would be located in the Med-Tech/Renaissance District. Methodist apparently would appreciate it if City Council would not do anything to jeopardize the project or provide any pesky competition.

Why OSF was the first to whine is a mystery, except that they have plans for their facility up by Route 91. Keep in mind that anyone even mildly interested in the City owned property in troubled Southtown had several decades to make an offer. Someone else made a bid on property you've been twiddling your thumbs over for decades? Tough cookies. Thats free enterprise for you. Welcome to America.

Peoria very well might be better off if Methodist and/or OSF build their planned facilities and the would be buyer of the vacant lot be shut out. However, that is the role of the market place, not local government (no matter how noble their intent) to decide. We were led to believe that there were questions as to how all the involved parties and institutions would work together to provide services. Even if true -Har!- why is it City Council's duty to make sure these parties get along and play nice? What next? Is Council going broker deals between McDonald's and Burger King? Decide how many feet should be between the Coke machine and the Pepsi machine? Last I checked, Peoria was part of the United States of America which promotes itself as a capitalist country, not China where only those businesses with a wink and nudge from government are allowed to succeed.

The arrogance of these hospitals is really starting to get on my nerves. Gives all the more credit to the conspiracy theory regarding the relationship they have with AMT (which the hospitals collectively own) and the belief by many that AMT has diligent emergency service take a backseat to cost cutting/overcharging. Meanwhile, much of the Peoria Fire Department is both educated and eager to provide emergency medical services and transport, but are forbidden to do so.

Unless there is an ordinance already on the books banning such a business/facility (i.e., adult entertainment businesses that serve liquor outside the boundaries of downtown) the sale should be approved.

As a citizen and taxpayer, I have been waiting for the financial benefit and relief that would come from the sale of this vacant lot for a very long time. How dare the City decide whose money is greener and better - OSF's, Methodist's, or a private buyer?

Hey! City Council! Remember your place - Hint: It isn't to serve as OSF's bully or Methodist's whipping boy. Or, at least be honest and make a motion to rename our fair city the Peoples Republic of Peoria.

Looking through my rose colored/Jackie O. glasses

I've been accused of falsely portraying the "Good Old Days". Bill Dennis had the nerve to suggest they never existed. I think it was Prego Man who wrote I was losing it if I even so much as batted a dreamy eye lash at the past.

There are many truths, and in this case, it is all in the eye of the beholder. I readily admit (and wrote) some things are, in fact, better these days. I also wrote that I'm thankful to those who fought for the closer-to-but-not-quite-equal-rights I now enjoy.

I admit I've been a bit down lately, which typically causes me to curl up in front of late night television and watch old black and white movies. They are kind of a non-fat comfort food for me. If I relented and indulged in real comfort food, I wouldn't fit through the door by weeks end. So I cuddle up in my softest sweats, drink hot chocolate and get suckered into a different time.

I think we live in harsh times.
Others find them liberating.
When I think of the "Good Old Days" (1950s, 1960s), I think of good manners.
Others think of subservience.
I think of classy clothes, big hats, gloves, long coats.
Others think of tight girdles, hot wool suits, padded bras.
I think of men helping a woman with her coat (totally sexy BTW), opening her door, giving up his seat on the bus.
Others think of male dominance and female servitude.
I long for just one day of not hearing cars playing ghetto blasters so loud my bedroom windows shake.
Others are enjoying their version of a joy ride.
I long for just one day of not hearing anyone swear.
Others are reveling in their right to free speech.
I long for just one day of not watching female co-workers attempting to soothe their off-spring by phone from the office, instead of at home with a cookie and a kiss.
Others are doing what it takes to pay the bills, or have it all, or at least juggle it all.
I long for just one day where I don't hear an annoying ring tone/cell phone in an inappropriate area/situation.
Others are relieved that the babysitter was able to reach them and let them know Junior just threw up and has a temperature of 105 degrees.
I long for one day where I don't seen some tweenager baring her midrift, complete with belly ring and tattoo for attention.
Others are happy that kids these days have the freedom to express themselves.

I'm not above throwing a good cussing hissy fit. I've been known to blast The Rolling Stones on the highway during long road trips. No one hates control top pantyhose or loves denim more than Polly. As far as the exploitation of women, hell, I've probably posted as many pics of Scarlet Johanssen as anybody. I've posted more of her than my husband, Russell Crowe! Moreover, I'll have you know that Polly owns not just one Wonderbra, but two!

I KNOW the Good Old Days weren't perfect. They were undoubtedly flawed. I have no doubt that some things/situations today are vastly improved over yesteryear. In my opinion, some lovely gestures and romantic elements were lost in the battle for progress. Lately, as society strikes me as increasingly hostile and over aggressive, I miss those lovely and romantic things, dearly.

Allow me my rose colored Jackie O glasses. Sometimes, they are my most prized and comforting possession.

By Request, Norma Jean/Marilyn Monroe for C.J.

This is just how I look first thing in the morning, BTW.IMHO, this is the ideal figure for a real woman.

Isn't she lovely? Smart and Loud Too.

The best women are, you know. I like Katherine Hepburn. She was sexy without taking off any clothes. I couldn't find one revealing picture of her, not even in an off the shoulder gown. Hepburn wasn't intimidated by anybody, a rarity for a woman of her day. She thought it was more important to be interesting and honest than "lady like." If I had daughters, I'd point to Hepburn as a role model.

Channeling Marilyn Monroe....

Just because my life sucks eggs, and just because I'm too busy being a self absorbed unhappy brat to blog anything worthwhile, doesn't mean you don't deserve a treat.

Besides, Marilyn would understand my current funk.

Please Pass the Prozac, Polly is Depressed

I was going to quit my job. It was going to be a beautiful, wonderful thing. Angels wept tears of joy at the thought. I was going to be free. Well, for a while at least. I figured I had enough funds to remain unemployed for at least a year, if need be. My next job would be the RIGHT job, damn it. I would not take a job working for a selfish,evil dorkwad ever again...

HA!

When women make plans, God giggles. Evil Dorkwad Boss beat me to it and QUIT yesterday. Crap. Crap. Crap. Now I can't quit without seriously messing up the lives of several innocent employees/by-standards. Now I have to do Evil Dorkwad's job -not that he was particularly productive- and mine as well. No watching Soap Operas all day. No blogging/writing my fictional-nonfiction Oprah novel from bed in P.J.'s and eating bon bons all day. Must still put on scratchy suits and sensible pumps. And Pantyhose. I HATE pantyhose. Crap. Crap. Crap. Yes, I know other people are starving in the world, and there are many who would love to be gainfully employed... I'm just not one of them.

I. AM. IN. HELL.

Yes, I'll get over it and on with it.

Just not TODAY.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

I will refrain from blogging until I have something mildly unselfish, mildly amusing, or mildly productive to contribute. Okay, at least I can stop behaving like a spoiled brat and a mature adult. Blech. Gag. Puke.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

An Ode to Audrey Hepburn

Proof that you don't have to be blonde or naked to be beautiful...
The bike is kinda sexy though...

Before I die I just gotta find a hat like this and an occasion to wear it.
Halloween costume party doesn't count.

Hey! Isn't that one of Councilwoman VanAuken's "kids?"


Something a little more modern...


Just to prove Audrey wasn't a prude.
That's exactly how I look chatting on the phone, by the way.

I'm off to rent Breakfast at Tiffany's and Funny Face now.

For This Alone She Should Bootkicked Out of Office...

The only person less qualified to be Illinois Attorney General, IMHO, than Lisa Madigan would be Chase Ingersoll.

Yes, she was elected but have no doubt, if her Daddy wasn't head of the Illinois Democrat Party Machine she would have never gotten the post. Lisa Madigan was a lawyer for all of five minutes (okay, something like six years or so) before she became our Attorney General. Yes, Chase, there is hope for you too.

Baby Girl Lisa thinks that donating to charity is an appropriate punishment for committing crime. After Hurricane Katrina, a few gas stations in our State had the gall to charge over three bucks a gallon for their product. Over 2,000 residents complained. Madigan's office investigated. Apparently she wasn't eager to prosecute because the Stations did nothing legally wrong, or she actually thinks that having each station hand over a thousand bucks to the American Red Cross is a deterrent to keep the greedy bastards from behaving badly next time. Huh. If memory serves (and it might not), Huck's was accused of price gouging after 9/11. I wonder, since these penalties were paid in form donations instead of fines, weren't they tax deductible? Yup. I'm sure the greedy bastards learned a painful lesson, thanks to you Lisa. I bet you and our dorkwad governor get along great.

Hey, Lisa! Fair is fair. If I ever face prosecution for "annoying" someone anonymously on the internet, which is never my intent BTW, I demand the same heavy handed treatment. I hereby agree to donate six cents to elect anyone else to the Office of Illinois Attorney General.

It should never, ever come to this

Many of you have a three day weekend. If you are parents of a teenager or even a tweenager, consider the extra time an opportunity for a talk. Please tell your kids that you love them dearly. Tell them that even if they flunk every last class in school, get pregnant (or someone else pregnant), pose nude on the internet, and get a DUI all in the same week that you will still love them and you will forgive them.

By all means tell them that you will be pissed. Tell them you will be pissed and disappointed and hurt, but as a parent and an adult, after you are done yelling and having a good cry, you will proceed digging the child you love dearly out the hole they dug for themselves. That's what parents do. That's the job.

Tell your kid the truth. Tell them that at one time or another we all screw up in huge, fantastic, incredible, unbelievable ways. As humans, major errors are unavoidable.

Tell your teenager that you recognize their ability to fall in love. Tell them that when someone you love abandons you, it hurts like hell. DON'T TELL THEM THERE ARE MORE FISH IN THE SEA - even if it is true. Tell them that the pain they feel is important and real and it will take awhile to subside.

Tell them the only thing most never get over or recover from is losing a child.

Your child.