Things that make you go, HUH?!

A foreign company cannot own a television station in America...

but it can own a water company...

and operate our ports.

Huh.

Screw the TSA!

Hell, lets allow an UAE or an Egyptian corporation "secure" our airports too. I bet Osama Bin Laden would certainly put in a low bid.

Jeeze. Talk about stupid.

IT'S OVER!

Yup. I caught him with another woman. Considering the competition, I can't say that I blame Russell. Much. Nicole is lovely and Russ is slightly less crazy and much taller than Tom. Still... love hurts, you know?
Russ gave me a courtesy call from the tub this morning to let me know we were through. Nice.

You know, the very least the prissy Aussie could have done was brought Nickie home once to share before dumping me. Jerk.

An Open Letter to Rob at, "A Storm in the Port"

Dear Rob,

Politically speaking, you and I probably agree on very little. However, I do enjoy your blog. It is good to know where the other side is coming from. You have successfully convinced me to at least reconsider my views, and on rare occasions, even change them.

Would you kindly consider dropping the @#!$%* "Bravenet Exchange" pop up/virus I must endure in order to read your blog? It is hard to get rid of and annoying as hell. (Think quail hunting with Cheney type annoying.)

Speaking of Cheney, I wanted to leave a brilliant comment on your post regarding this latest V.P. mishap, but Bravenet went ballistic, reproduced, and wouldn't allow your "comments" window to even open. Maybe Bravenet doesn't like conservatives?

Of course, perhaps you enjoy annoying the hell out me, which is most certainly your right. This is America and you can be wrong if you wanna. Anyway, it is just a suggestion.

Best wishes.

Love,

Polly

Just a "few" extreme religious fanatics?

Another day, another riot, and more people die over an anti-Muslim CARTOON. Is anyone else getting the feeling that the war we are fighting is against more than just a few deranged, radically religious extremists/terrorists? I very much doubt that all those protesting and rioting around the globe are members of Al Qaida. Clearly, the terrorism threat we face isn't just from a few religious zelots, and it isn't just America they despise. It is the WEST.

The attacks on 9/11 were not about Israel, oil, or the first Gulf War. I don't think the hi-jackers hated us because this is a country of Christians, or because of our wealth, or our morally filthy society. Puhleeze. I remember reading reports that the 9/11 hi-jackers spent their last days at strip clubs. Guess they couldn't wait for the virgins.

No, these people hate us because we aren't -for the most part- Muslims. Their specific brand of Muslim, anyway. Didn't the hi-jackers scream "Death to the infidels!" as the planes hit their targets? This brand of Muslim doesn't believe one should freely choose God, Christ, Allah, or Mohammed. It seems they have no problems with religious commitments made under duress, and turning the other cheek is certainly not an option. Nor is religious freedom.

A sobering thought: Recently on PBS, an expert stated the most pro U.S. Muslim country in the middle east is Iran. I'm getting the feeling that there are many, many, many little Muslim boys across the globe growing up on a steady diet of hatred for the West. This isn't a war about economy, democracy, or human rights. For them, this is a religious war. Muslim vs. The Christians/The West/The Infidels.

After watching footage of the riots, I don't hold much hope that anyone will be able to persuade these folks to live and let live. We will not be able to eliminate them-this type of Muslim is sizable in number, spread across many different countries, has the support of many governments, and is remarkably willing to die for their cause.

How can either side win this war? The West isn't -for the most part- ever going to claim Mohammed as their prophet. This type of Muslim will never agree to disagree. How will we ever be able to claim victory, bring our troops home, and sleep well at night?

I'm sick of Gidwitz

It is the Steve Forbes/Blair Hull/Dave Ran$burg type of campaign. You know, "I-have-more-money-than-God-or-any-of-my-opponents-so-I'm-gonna-remind-you-early-and-often-of-my-wealthy-and-superior-existence." Gidwitz might want to look up the results of the Forbes/Hull/Ran$burg elections. No one likes a show off.

Every week I receive an oversized, glossy, non-recyclable postcard from Gidwitz informing me of his ever so original ideas regarding government. Better education. Less taxes. Less crime. Eliminate corruption. Golly. Polly wants to know why no other candidate has come up with these answers.

Gidwitz has now begun running attack ads against Judy Baar Topinka. Gleefully breaking the Ronald Regan commandment"Thou shall not speak ill of another Republicans" Gidwitz's attack ads are an obvious ploy designed to make Republican front runner Topinka expend her financial resources early.

Ron, save the attack ads for Blago. There's plenty of ammo and you won't do damage to your own party, Dorkwad.

Joke all you like.

I bet you would rather go hunting with Dick Cheney...

than drive over a bridge with Ted Kennedy...

or serve in the Navy with John Kerry...

or have your daughter serve as an intern for Bill Clinton.

Being One Is Fun!!!

I forgive you all for not noticing, I just realized it myself! I will soon be celebrating one whole year of blogging. Huh. That's a lot of time I can't get back. I do think it has been a healthy experience, however. It is much better to rant and vent on faceless strangers than those you live with.

Thanks for putting up with me.

Love, Paulina

A Little Present to Make Up For My Lack of Posts this Week

Hello, Reese.

TGIF Everybody.

LOOOONG week. Everyone has been sick. Some nasty viruses making their way through our fair City. Most of the female office support staff took the week off to nurse their sick kids. I understand and support their need to do so, but can't a few more Dads out there take bedside duty? As there are still more male executives in the business place than women, I suspect a lot more men out there could work from home than women. What is the point of all this fabulous technology... lap tops, blackberries, PDAs, cell phones, faxes, Federal Express, etc., etc., if it doesn't allow us to work from home when duty calls?

I suspect most males in management could work at home now and then if they so chose. My guess is the reason very few do is that not many Dads can stomach barf duty. FINE. NO PROBLEM. I'M NOT BITTER. Frankly, it makes more and more sense as to why men are sent into combat instead of women. Gun fire? No problem. The solution is obvious: Duck and return fire. Soothe and comfort Junior when it is coming out both ends, well, now, THAT'S A PROBLEM. (The term "projectile vomiting" has been uttered repeatedly this week BTW.)

I'm not making light of the courage it takes to go to war. As I've written in the past, Polly would not be fit for combat duty. I would likely cower in a ball, cry, and soil myself when the bullets started to fly or bombs were dropped. I am simply commenting on differences between the sexes. How women generally deal with illness and caring for the ill is one such difference.

Nonetheless, would it be too much to ask male executives 'round here to make a lousy, FRIGGIN', @!#$%*,POT OF COFFEE NOW AND THEN!? You all sure don't have a problem consuming it. Seriously guys, I promise, your testicles will not, I repeat, NOT, shrivel and fall off if you make a pot of coffee.

Also, just so you men know, the few womenfolk who were able to come to work this week were not all suffering from PMS. Nope. We were all just really, really, really annoyed with you. And seriously undercaffinated.

Dorkwads.


Polly apologizes to all the wonderful males out there who put work on the back burner to care for sick kids and/or wives and/or aging parents. I simply don't have the pleasure of being employed by you.

On Christianity, Steak, and Insensitive Political Cartoons

I was waiting in line at Chase Bank (formerly Bank One, formerly First Chicago, formerly???) last week, attempting to convert a huge jar of coins into paper bills. BTW: Said jar usually reaps $200, but this time only $50. Hmmm... Anyway, the line was short but the teller was grumpy and SLOW, so Polly had plenty of time to study those around her.

The guy standing in front of me was twentysomething, and sporting a messenger bag with tons of pro-vegetarian, anti-cruelty to animal buttons all over it. The bag also had a button which read, "I TALK TO JESUS EVERY WEEK. HE IS MY MEXICAN GARDENER." Polly was polite. I did not take the little twit to task and point out he was trying to convince others to convert to a vegetarian lifestyle which he believed to be morally imperative, while glibly insulting a religion that is morally imperative and dear to billions. Such logic would have been lost on him. I was tempted to point out that he was being racist. After all, why would someone named Jesus (pronounced "Hey Suess" for anyone confused) necessarily be A) Mexican and B) be employed as a gardener? Why not an accountant? Or doctor. They have doctors in Mexico, you know.

Ah, but this is America. You can be wrong if you want to. It's protected speech. More importantly, we are secure. No chip on our shoulder, if you want to wear a button that says 1+1=6, well, that's fine too. Moreover, Christians are strong. We can take it on the chin. No need to start a riot over some dumb bunny's insensitivity and rudeness. Christianity expects no special status. No exemption from critique or, in this case, an uneducated dumbass who will likely never excel any higher than his current job as a barista boy at Starbucks.

I did start an interesting conversation with the guy standing in line behind me, however.

"Gosh, this line is moving so slowly. I was hoping to get to Hardees to indulge in one of their Monster Burgers before going back to work. Have you tried one yet? Fabulous."

"Oh Yeah! They are my fast food fave! Love them. Not today though. My wife and I just had an anniversary lunch at F. Scott's. Best steaks in town, I tell you."

"Mmmmm.... I'm jealous. Have you tried Bud's yet? Their steaks are good, but very pricey. Not F. Scott's by a long shot."

"Yeah, we haven't found anything that beats the medium rare porterhouse steak at F. Scott's. Not even Alexander's."

"I don't get Alexander's. I don't want to cook my own steak. If I wanted to stand around, tending to a huge, juicy, piece of tenderloin sear and sizzle on a grill, I'd save money and use my own BBQ sitting on my deck at home. You have to pay extra to have someone else grill your steak at Alexander's. Doesn't seem fair."

"I agree. Although I think Alexander's meat is a better than a lot in town. Their steaks are more marbled. I wonder what they feed their cows?"

"Ah, probably only organic grains."

"Works for me. You probably won't believe this, but they have the best veal Parmesan at IHOP, of all places!"

"Really? Maybe I'll go there today instead of Hardees."

At the mention of veal, Vegetarian Barista Boy turned a deep shade of reddish purple and stormed out of the bank.. without depositing his precious latte money.

Heh. Heh.

My Christian brother and I high fived each other after his departure.

Where's the love for Betty?

Betty Friedan. I know she wasn't a funny filthy comic who used drugs or set herself on fire, but gosh, she did lead a revolution and wrote a book -several books, actually- that changed the lives of many for the better. I read the Feminine Mystique in college. I can't say that I agreed with everything she did, but what an eye opener. Does anyone know if there are there any schools or streets in Peoria named for her? How about a memorial service in her hometown? It will be interesting to see if Mayor Ardis says anything about her passing tonight at City Council. AHEM! If not, I'm pretty sure we can count on Councilwoman VanAuken.

I'd go on and on about this, but I couldn't do a better job than SnazzyBird did here.

Gotta Admit It...

Vonster has a point.

I know, it's not fair. Anyone can take a bad picture. Nonetheless, it made me laugh. Oddly, I have a lot of liberal friends. Opposites attract? Or maybe I'm not all that conservative. Anyway, it seems to me that liberals are sure pissed off a lot. Their heart might be in the right place -or not- but damn, they sure do seem angry. I would avoid being a raging liberal simply because they seem to age horribly and at very accelerated pace.

Conservatives seem to have a better time, IMHO. Maybe hoarding money helps them sleep better at night, which slows the aging process?

You know, Bill Dennis used to provide useful tidbits of information like this. In fact, I remember him soliciting funds for a fax machine solely for the purpose of receiving and then posting local press releases.

Bill has been a bit busy with moving and messing up his blog format lately, so I will help pick up the slack.

Other than the recommendation to deny Crusen's request to de-annex, tonight's Council Agenda seems to be a bit of a snoozer.

Stop Playing With Your Thingy Young Man!!!

Jeeze! It's disgusting! Bill Dennis has changed the format of his blog once again. He seems to experiment every other month or so. It is nearly as disturbing as the thought of Germans owning the water company, the Kellar Rail Line being converted to a bike path, AND giving a bunch of yahoos a TIF for an underground parking garage for a museum very few are anxious to have. The Peoria Pundit is my first and main read of the day. Imagine if the New York Times changed it's font/format once a month.

Frankly, this new format is wierder than any of the others. There's a recently showered woman wrapped in a towel posing in the top left corner. Not unattractive by any means, but when I first clicked on the site, I immediately thought it was a pop up advertisement for Dove Soap.

Bill, eye candy is dandy. Give us more. However, changing the friggin' format of your blog every time the wind changes direction is simply unprofessional.

This is the Midwest, Son. Peoria no less. We thrive on consistency, not change. We loathe change. Fear it even. Really, you are going to go blind any second now, Bill.

Polly is Planning a Vacation

Typically, I would go for something more odd/adventurous. However, this year I'm a little run down, and I'm thinking about getting back to the basics.

Doing a little bit of nothing all day long.

On a warm beach.

On a hammock.

And a bottomless Mai Tai.

Now departing blog for expedia.com.

I Don't Know Why Exactly....

...but I feel strongly that these two pictures belong side by side. Maybe it's because these two women portrayed themselves as being something they are not and now we have seen their true colors. I'm not sure. Anyway, I'm tempted to blow these photos up, frame them, and hang in the john at work. Employees are spending way too much time in there. If you're going to be an evil dorkwad boss, you might as well do it with style.

Hat tip to Mike, who is a bit rough around the edges, and could be offensive to those who have not worked years in construction or played professional baseball. I strive to be Grace Kellyesque, but my ID directs me to banal blogs now and then... ;)

(For those of you who might not otherwise recognize her, that very pregnant girl with the tatoos on her belly, lighting up a cig, is none other than Brittany Spears. For anyone who doesn't recognize the lady on the right, well, what gives me the right to ruin your ignorant bliss?)

I'm a little concerned....

As always, my significant other (S.O.) brought me a cup of coffee and the newspaper in bed this morning. I drank the coffee, but could only muster up enough energy to glance at the front page of the PJ Star. VERY abnormal. Usually I devour the Journal Star, as if it were a fine meal, or a newspaper actually worth reading.

Today, I simply couldn't give a rip.

Time to plan a vacation. Definitely.

FOOD BLOG ALERT!!!

If I had it to do over again, I would be a chef. I'm a foodie. I love food. I love to eat it, cook it, shop for it, and buy expensive equipment to prepare it. Some want porches, mansions, yachts... Polly dreams of a full set of Henckles knives. And a Viking Stove. And a commercial dishwasher. Anyway, it was with great delight I discovered Chef Kevin's Blog which I highly recommend.

Chef Kevin actually works in Corporate America/Peoria now, having exchanged his Chef hat for a 401K, (Chef Kev, you can have mine. Money is just paper. Food is forever. Just ask my thighs!) but he still wines and dines frequently at area restaurants and does an outstanding job of letting us know where to go and where to avoid.

God bless him.

IT'S SUPERBOWL SUNDAY!!!

And I could not care any less.

I know this is going to sound arrogant and negative, but I don't know why people get so excited when "their team" wins. It's not like the fans did anything to help the athletes accomplish their goal. It's not like most athletes are loyal to "their team." Hell, offer just about any of them a little more moola and they will be playing for some new team next year.

So, as my house's foundation shudders and cracks due to all the yelling and screaming from those watching the game downstairs, Polly reminds you....

You are just rooting for a jersey.

Don't cry DeWayne!

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It's Official: I Am An Evil Dorkwad

I'm writing a book. The title: Evil Dorkwad Bosses and How They Get That Way

Those of you who keep up know that my former evil dorkwad boss beat me to the chase and quit before I got the chance. So, fate being a true pain in the butt, I inherited his old job and title.

What was that saying about walking a mile in someone else's shoes before judging them? I wanted to be nice. I wanted to boost morale. Okay, mostly I just hate control top pantyhose and high heels. So, I re-instituted a casual dress code.

If it were up to me, employees could show up in a G-string for all I care. As long as they come to work nearly on time and give a good solid eight, seven, even six hours of effort a day, I'm happy.

One rule. The company's national charter states: Absolutely no denim. None. Ever. This is a non-profit and the justification is that donors are not as likely to write big checks if employees are lazing around in jeans. Whatever. I don't make this rule, I simply have to implement it. If someone from corporate H.Q. walks in and finds an employee in a pair of Levis, it is my ass on the line.

So, I put out the following memo:

Casual dress will hence forth be allowed. Khakis, Slacks, even tennis shoes are okay. T-shirts are allowed as long as they have no writing on them. However, JEANS AND DENIM -ANY TYPE- ARE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN AT ALL TIMES. Anything article of clothing even remotely resembling denim, including chambray shirts, can not be worn to the office.

Because I don't want to treat adults like children and send employees home to change or "write them up" over something as asinine as what they wear, I also included the following warning:

Any employee who wears any form of denim to the office will be responsible for ruining the new casual dress code for everyone.

Three days. It lasted three freakin' days. Today, one guy wore a denim button down shirt, and the receptionist wore jeans. Her excuse? "Uhm, but they're, like, capris."

Today's memo:

Due to apparent confusion and/or inability to follow simple guidelines, "casual dress" is hereby rescinded. Beginning tomorrow, Friday, February 3rd, employees must return to professional dress (suits, ties, dress shoes, etc.). I sincerely apologize to those employees who enjoyed and adhered to the former casual dress code.

Come and Get It Kids! Lunch is Served.

There were times in my childhood when my parents were broke. Not homeless broke, but definitely hurting broke. Occasionally, my dad would get laid off and we would have to make due with what he received from unemployment and my mom's meager secretary pay to get by. During those times I qualified and received free hot lunches from my public school. When times got really tough, those lunches were the best and most complete meal of my day. I'm lucky Aramark wasn't in charge of the school lunch program back in the seventies. If they had, I think I would have been better off scavenging food from garbage cans.

My niece celebrated her 8th birthday yesterday. As a special treat I ate lunch with her in the school cafeteria along with her class. Can I tell you? Second grade is a magical time. All the kids were adorable. The lunch, however, was nasty. Have you noticed nearly every week there seems to be another epidemic of barfing kids that consumed District 150 lunches? No big mystery as to why. Just look at the menu.

The entree: Breadsticks with Marinara Sauce. That's it. The breadsticks were stale and the marina sauce wasn't even red. There was also some canned fruit, unrecognizable in origin. I took a taste of this "fruit" as the children looked on, all shouting a chorus of, "EEEEEWWWW!!!" It tasted like rust. The best and most nutritious part of the lunch was the chocolate milk.

I was gulping Pepto for the rest of the day.

I took a menu and was shocked to see some other meals planned for the month. February 8th: Soft Pretzel w/"Cheese" Sauce. February 9th: Waffles with margarine and syrup for lunch. February 22: French Toast Sticks - no mention of syrup, for lunch.

These lunches cost a $1.50. Aramark can't provide much and still make a profit. However, profit was not the objective when the school lunch program was created. It was created to make sure that kids got at least one healthy, square meal a day. These lunches don't qualify. For the most part, the kids who received hot lunch drank the milk and dumped the rest. Kids also had the option of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches they made themselves at a station set up in the corner of the cafeteria. To say this practice is unsanitary would be an understatement. I don't want to even think about how many e-coli germs were on the peanut butter jar. Does Aramark really believe kids thoroughly wash their hands after using the bathroom?

District 150 should dump Aramark. If need be, the District should raise the price of meals in order to provide something edible. I would be hard pressed to provide a healthy sack lunch that only cost $1.50 to make. Kids who qualify can still get free lunch.

When I was a kid there were some hot lunch offerings I actually looked forward to. Pizza. Ravoli. Pigs in a blanket. (The blanket -bread- was homemade. The whole school smelled like bread baking.) I always dreaded turkey with gravy and haystacks, although I never felt sick after consuming them.

If you have a kid in District 150 and have the ability, send them to school with a sack lunch. Trust me. I feel really bad for kids who only have Aramark meals to look forward to everyday.

Most dogs in this country eat better. Much better.

This just in from Peoria Republican Headquarters....

*
We are going to lose. Seriously. I just came back from an unveiling of the great Republican State Plan for victory. It sucks.

The Great Plan? Genius! I don't know why anyone thought of it before! Telemarketing. Ohh... Ah... Wow... Yup. These folks are under the impression that mass telemarketing was responsible for George W's victory in Ohio in the last presidential election.

Er, no. George W. took Ohio because there was an anti-gay marriage measure on the ballot and threatened heterosexuals turned out in force (Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Socialists, Commies alike...) to vote to "preserve the institution of marriage." With a divorce rate over 50%, it would seem the biggest threat to marriage is heterosexuals, but I digress.

Democrats can relax. No one mentioned putting a marriage amendment on the ballot. A petition was circulating around my church last week, but at least officially, Republican H.Q. isn't the force behind it.

The telemarketing plan looks to identify Republicans as "Hard Rs" -which I gather is an anti-gay, anti-abortion, gun toting, pro-tax cut Republican, or "Soft Rs" who might be wishy washy on abortion but definitely hates taxes, or an Independent who likes something on the Republican agenda but doesn't care for it as a whole. If a victory is to happen, Independents will have to cross to the Republican side.

I didn't see anyone sign up to make calls. Even if they were willing to pay folks to make calls, I don't see many folks answering them. Don't Republican Big Wigs know about caller I.D.? Do they really think people are going to stop watching an episode of Judy Judy or a Ronco infomercial for a solicitation call? Duh!

Individual Republican candidates had better be strong, organized, and well funded, because The Party -at the State level anyway- isn't going to be much help.

I don't want to hear any more crap about remaining anonymous...

Three of my favorite blogs are no more.

Lollygaggin' is gone. Greater Peoria Blog, no more. Dave's Blog, gone and terribly missed.

I'm not positive why Pammy gave up Lollygaggin' or Dave Dahl gave up his blog. "Peoria Dad" of the Greater Peoria Blog sent me the following e-mail:

Polly:

Just when you update your blog list...

In case you hadn't noticed, I had to lose the Greater Peoria blog.

Wasn't my boss. They were fine. But someone within another prominent company in town had a problem with me airing my views. Sad, really. I decided to lose it rather than negatively affecting my employer. Just not worth it angering the thought Nazi's of the world.

Seems you're on to something with the whole anonymous thing.

Anyway...


It ain't paranoia if they are really out to get you, people.

Jeeze, who's next? Bill Dennis of Peoria Pundit fame?

Peoria Dad, I'm keeping your link on my blog roll. You could at least come back and let us know when your band is playing!